Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided... - FML

By waitthatsnotme - 15/8/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, after dating my girlfriend for about a month she decided to change her Facebook status to taken. When I saw the update I immediately clicked "Like." Then I looked up and saw I wasn't the person she had put herself in the relationship with. FML

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No one likes a smart-ass

British Broadcasting Corporation

Fairytale ending

By Thesuz - 6/9/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

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By meganisabella - 11/3/2012 09:15 - United States

Today, I went driving for the first time. I made it twenty miles to my step mom's house, and didn't stop until I was inside the garage. Too bad the garage door was closed when I got there. FML

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By whythebunny - 30/10/2015 18:56 - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2020 01:13

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

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By Jedi2500 - 15/2/2012 23:53 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

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By Username - 21/4/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

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By christmaswillneverend - 2/1/2013 00:18 - United States - Red Lion

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

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By epicgamer - 13/9/2016 02:55 - United States - Fremont

Today, my extremely racist coworker was doing his usual thing. Since it was 9/11 he went absolutely hardcore on his "jokes" so I reported it to my supervisor. She asked what did he say specifically and I recited it to her. She decided to write me up for "making inappropriate comments at work". FML

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By "lildale92" - 5/11/2019 02:00

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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By NotCuteEnough - 24/8/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

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By Shrek's Pubes - 22/5/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

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By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

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By PizzaBoySwag - 4/6/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 21:45 - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2013 20:21 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

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By NoSexForMe - 13/7/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

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By sounfair90 - 27/5/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

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By Canali18 - 17/9/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

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By elmangy - 11/8/2009 16:58 - United States

Today, I went ice skating for my friend's birthday. We had to vacate the skating rink so that they could smooth out the rink for the next session. I don't know how to skate and my friends left me. Not only was I the last one out of the rink, but I had to crawl my way out with everyone laughing. FML

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By Paul Rushing - 19/3/2020 15:00

Panic buying? What panic buying?

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

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By probably_the_ex_now - 18/8/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

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By oohrahgal - 14/2/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

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By screewit - 20/2/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

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By UTRejected - 21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

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By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

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By sam - 17/1/2011 03:32

Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML

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By cadillacfrank - 24/7/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

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By someone - 9/12/2013 12:59 - United States - Mogadore

Today, my car broke down. I pulled to the side of the road to call a tow truck. After waiting what seemed like hours, the tow truck showed up, and then ran into the back of my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, I was smoking while driving. A cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I thought he could smell the tobacco, so I decided to just admit it. As it turns out, I was going well over the speed limit. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2013 17:23 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

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By Nick - 8/7/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

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By apaterra - 4/11/2015 17:30 - United States

Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML

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By stickyservice - 26/4/2014 01:21 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

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By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2019 20:00

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML

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By - 21/2/2020 14:00

No chance

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 02:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

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Top comments

By evangldbrg | 0

#488057 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:26

Another reason FB needs a dislike button as well...but seriously, FYL dude.

By NuclearWinter | 0

#488048 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:24

Ouch.

Don't get torn up about it. You're too good for her.

Comments

By NuclearWinter | 0

#488048 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:24

Ouch.

Don't get torn up about it. You're too good for her.

Reply

truslide | 0

#488389 - Saturday 15 August 2009 11:36

you don't "date" a girlfriend. Dating a girl doesn't mean she's yours. Dating is the step before a relationship. please realize this and you will save yourself from major heartache in the future.

Reply

senior_dingdong | 0

#488418 - Saturday 15 August 2009 12:35

lol get ript
you just encouraged your "girlfriend" to be lesbian!!!
OR
told her its cool to cheat
lolerskates random troll lols at you
YDI for being too quick

By evangldbrg | 0

#488057 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:26

Another reason FB needs a dislike button as well...but seriously, FYL dude.

Reply

chippa | 24

#488123 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:50

Hahah, well said, bro.
You know what you could have done is press "unlike" right after and said you liked it then unliked it so it could be like you disliked it... Never mind.

Reply

acd23 | 0

#488873 - Saturday 15 August 2009 17:07

Agreed, haha. I've seen some status my friends post about being sick, and there's not a way to Dislike it to show that you don't like that they are sick. (as an example)

Reply

pinky0090 | 0

#489422 - Saturday 15 August 2009 21:21

This is extremely similar to #3395339. But ya FB needs a dislike button for sure! I too have run into situations where a friend is sick or something and I don't want to "like" the fact that he/she is sick.

Reply

idk_much_ok | 0

#489482 - Saturday 15 August 2009 22:11

Facebook has an "Unlike" button after you click like, so just click that idiot...

Reply

likeOMGwow | 0

#490032 - Sunday 16 August 2009 3:11

yeah...idk why people always forget theres an "unlike" button lol

By DaBombb316 | 0

#488060 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:27

was she just playing around, or messing around behind your back?

By chinolatino | 0

#488066 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:29

Quick! Unlike it!

Reply

adavis24 | 0

#3004581 - Saturday 30 July 2011 23:28

I've had that happen!! and I liked it on purpose, and decided I'd let her be the next one to talk to me.. we haven't talked since!

Reply

Rowdey | 10

#4479055 - Friday 25 May 2012 4:52

75 - You're picture is super, super creepy..

By oogyboogy | 6

#488067 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:29

you deserve it a little because you didnt read it but not as much that sucks

By captainamerica50 | 0

#488068 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:29

Haha pwn3d

By MotaIsLove | 0

#488074 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:32

Thats why i prefer myspace over facebook.

Reply

caticaticati | 3

#488107 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:44

Because myspace doesn't show the names so you can't see when the woman you thought was your girlfriend is dating another man?

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#488215 - Saturday 15 August 2009 8:45

That's always a plus. (;

By peppy29 | 2

#488078 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:33

Ouch. I'm sorry. FYL. That really sucks.

By eggnogg | 0

#488090 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:38

word to your mother

By BW3Cmart | 3

#488093 - Saturday 15 August 2009 7:38

Sux for you man.