Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and... - FML

By Username - 7/8/2011 08:08 - Reserved

Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32180

You deserved it

2586

Tweet

Share

Gas giant

A beautiful truck decoration

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 14/2/2016 09:23 - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22534

You deserved it

1861

Tweet

Share

By tampondealer - 9/11/2009 18:42 - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35019

You deserved it

2764

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 13:27 - Canada

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66767

You deserved it

3877

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 10:34 - Oman

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13333

You deserved it

37151

Tweet

Share

By WTFFAIL - 3/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25482

You deserved it

8937

Tweet

Share

By SimpleSwimmer - 4/10/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, I applied for a job as a dishwasher. I was denied because I don't have enough experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33898

You deserved it

3257

Tweet

Share

By Hank - 14/5/2009 14:17 - Canada

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68570

You deserved it

3054

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

102926

You deserved it

9115

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39342

You deserved it

3330

Tweet

Share

By Tgreject - 16/8/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41378

You deserved it

3140

Tweet

Share

By Peppered and Zapped - 7/4/2020 05:00

Appropriate force

Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1945

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17698

You deserved it

1753

Tweet

Share

By dammit_ - 16/2/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43030

You deserved it

10202

Tweet

Share

By Liv - 29/10/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Great Bookham

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42753

You deserved it

2777

Tweet

Share

By kaitlyna15 - 1/8/2012 01:54 - United States - Bellevue

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27858

You deserved it

1783

Tweet

Share

By Devildrake - 15/4/2015 22:32 - Australia

Today, I went into work early so I could get my work all done and leave on time, rather than staying back. The later shift starters had other ideas and called in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28721

You deserved it

2269

Tweet

Share

By that guy - 6/2/2015 16:56 - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41775

You deserved it

3135

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 21:49 - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47001

You deserved it

3757

Tweet

Share

By daddy-to-be - 20/3/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

79905

You deserved it

17256

Tweet

Share

By PicklesMcRaptor - 25/3/2012 11:59 - United States - Miami

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28531

You deserved it

3504

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/1/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44638

You deserved it

8528

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 20:08

Really close

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

263

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/8/2010 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11814

You deserved it

35689

Tweet

Share

By pride? what's that? :( - 1/9/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14707

You deserved it

40225

Tweet

Share

By fatty magoo - 29/7/2014 18:20 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44198

You deserved it

15890

Tweet

Share

By Hanna - 3/4/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58465

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Pasadena

In a zoo

Today, I learned that I am referred to as the girl who has "the ass like Beyoncé, but a face like a gorilla". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2174

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18082

You deserved it

39992

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24822

You deserved it

4662

Tweet

Share

By BassGuy - 18/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62140

You deserved it

4770

Tweet

Share

By GrandmasWhore - 4/4/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34080

You deserved it

90177

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49123

You deserved it

4669

Tweet

Share

By KillMePlease - 11/3/2015 20:15 - United States - Hicksville

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28252

You deserved it

2544

Tweet

Share

By Jack - 3/4/2013 21:40

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37459

You deserved it

5111

Tweet

Share

By catgiraffegirl - 23/9/2014 18:30 - United States

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39840

You deserved it

2927

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2018 14:00

Today, I splurged thousands of dollars on the breed of dog that I've loved since I was a kid from a reputable breeder. He is allergic to all food except the 24lb food for $70 and has sensitivities galore, including a seizure from a shot. I've spent $5,000 in vet bills in the first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

You deserved it

3018

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/7/2019 04:09

Today, I wanted to be on top during sex, after always being on the bottom. Afterwards, he said, "You're never riding me like that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1907

You deserved it

309

Tweet

Share

By stewiesclone - 11/2/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22811

You deserved it

3013

Tweet

Share

By mistake - 11/5/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks

100896

You deserved it

5705

Tweet

Share

By MaySheRestinPeace - 6/3/2020 15:00

With friends like these…

Today, a friend asked me to cover his shift at work because his grandmother died. Like any decent friend, I obliged. Later, after leaving, I walked by a bar and saw him inside, laughing and doing shots with all of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1916

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By heartbrakej | 0

#3058687 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:17

well that was nice of them to apologize

By Crlnprz | 11

#3058713 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:19

Don't lie you had a great time, you probably masturbated to them and their noises.

COMMENTS

By therob10 | 1

#3058664 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:15

threesome?

By heartbrakej | 0

#3058687 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:17

well that was nice of them to apologize

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3058783 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:25

shouldve joined them instead of bein a downer and going on fml.xD

Reply

CattyPurry | 0

#3058808 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:28

atleast they didn't wake you up at Twilight, or when it was Breaking Dawn, or even on a New Moon. :)

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#3058875 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:34

How'd you wake up if you were kept awake all night?

Reply

ChickenInMyKitch | 4

#3058917 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:38

Can we all just thumb 18 down for the Twilight references....

Reply

iLOLatURpain69 | 7

#3058958 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:43

OP - U and me gonna find 3 more chickadees and have a menage like Nicki!

Thatll show em!

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3059146 - Sunday 7 August 2011 20:23

18, actually, they did wake op up at breaking dawn, reread the fml

Reply

2ndSucks | 15

#3059637 - Sunday 7 August 2011 22:06

40- if she's referencing twilight, she may not understand the whole 'crack of dawn' concept.

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3059796 - Sunday 7 August 2011 22:50

ik, just pointing it out:P

Reply

WellThatSucksMaj | 0

#3059873 - Sunday 7 August 2011 23:10

Solid manners!!

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3061000 - Monday 8 August 2011 3:18

37 or brag

Reply

steveakafranxy | 7

#3067391 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 1:42

Stupid tiny-ass iPhone screen, accidentally thumbed 18 up

By ChickenLegs937 | 6

#3058700 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:18

At least they apologized

Reply

jonn090 | 13

#3059099 - Sunday 7 August 2011 20:15

It's too late to apologizeeee itsss toooooo lateeeeee * eh ehh eh *

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3059504 - Sunday 7 August 2011 21:40

i always thought that song went "its too late to call the guys"! this changes my entire schedule-.-

By Crlnprz | 11

#3058713 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:19

Don't lie you had a great time, you probably masturbated to them and their noises.

Reply

properbostonian | 5

#3059275 - Sunday 7 August 2011 20:47

How were they? Did she say anything hot?

By supimnyancat | 9

#3058721 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:19

When I'm home alone I curl up in a corner and pretend to be a carrot.

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3058802 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:27

what is this i dont even

Reply

MrPositive | 0

#3058806 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:28

Glad to know I'm not the only one

Reply

Noob30 | 0

#3058980 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:47

Hey Alan! Sometimes I like to curl up in a big ball, and pretend I'm a hush puppy! :D

Reply

flockz | 19

#3058988 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:48

whenever i invite friends over, i hang upside down from a ceiling fan and pretend im a piece of seaweed in the ocean. haha no i lied. i dont have any friends.

(screams) "MOM YES I WANT SOME MORE PIZZA ROLLS!!"

By xXSKYLARXx | 0

#3058727 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:20

When did ppl get nice

Reply

jonn090 | 13

#3058964 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:44

Your pretttyyyy

Reply

Noob30 | 0

#3058990 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:48

Ever since they grew up outside America.

Reply

itsgen | 16

#3059018 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:54

I thumbed her dwn
I can't hear music while trying to sleep
lol ur pic goes with ur comment :)

Reply

xXSKYLARXx | 0

#3059399 - Sunday 7 August 2011 21:09

?

Reply

jonn090 | 13

#3060535 - Monday 8 August 2011 1:31

Youurrrr pretttyyyy

Reply

THT_WUT_SHE_SAID | 0

#3061962 - Monday 8 August 2011 7:07

I agree with 81. :)

By Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3058729 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:20

Keep them up and see how they like it

Reply

Stealthed | 8

#3058771 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:24

Wait until they fall asleep and then do the old warm water hand trick. Enjoy the morning awkwardness when you ask them "How'd you sleep?"

Reply

rockandrolla_fml | 0

#3063235 - Monday 8 August 2011 11:11

Walk into their room naked and crawl into the bed and ask "who wants first reach around?"

By yarani | 26

#3058738 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:21

They just wanted to brag....

By genesisnirvana | 11

#3058741 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:21

Free audio porn.Embrace their loving OP.

By xXSKYLARXx | 0

#3058746 - Sunday 7 August 2011 19:22

Lol crack of dawn XD

Reply

jonn090 | 13

#3069477 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 8:58

We should sooo hook up