Love: Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor,...

By Hit-and-Run - 13/12/2012 08:01 - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 928

You deserved it 3 154

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Broken heart

Compromises

By allergyssuck - 05/07/2018 20:30

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I am allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I am allergic to it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 266

By TheLemon - 17/02/2017 04:00 - Turkey - Aydin

Today, I finally had a chance to get outside after receiving shrapnel to my leg. My crutches had not yet arrived so I didn't want to risk it, but my buddies said they had my back. We went to the seaside and I sat down as they say they'd be right back. It started to rain and everyone forgot me. I can stand, but not walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 796

You deserved it 550

By and not even in the good way - 30/03/2014 20:36 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 511

You deserved it 19 886

By dangit - 01/03/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing my favorite silk sweater, one I actually paid full price for. I sat down in my desk chair to work, and when I tried to get up I felt a strange pull. A corner of my sweater is still stuck in the screw at the back of the chair, the rest is in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 345

You deserved it 3 575

By wtf3456 - 31/08/2011 09:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 809

You deserved it 3 859

Miracles

By smyp - 24/12/2015 17:34 - Lithuania

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 167

You deserved it 1 593

By BlueBaby123 - 25/07/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 187

You deserved it 88 310

By TheJeremyMoe - 11/08/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, my bike was stolen. Partially. Since I always locked it up, some asswipe thought it would be funny to steal the handlebar stem and the seat, leaving the actual handlebar dangling by the brake cables. Since there was no way to steer or sit, I had to carry my bike one mile back to my dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 06/11/2016 13:50

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 906

You deserved it 1 362

By brownunderwear - 14/12/2011 03:45 - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 710

You deserved it 7 857

By megean c.l. - 20/01/2013 21:36 - United States

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 754

You deserved it 7 995

By Bridget Jones? - 10/06/2013 13:09 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 400

You deserved it 5 110

By Becky - 11/05/2015 20:54 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 2 368

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 577

You deserved it 401

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 371

You deserved it 32 191

By ByeByeBirdie - 29/06/2016 22:41 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 689

You deserved it 1 783

By RosesAreRed - 15/02/2013 06:07 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 777

You deserved it 4 384

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 800

You deserved it 6 727

By teddyissmall - 14/04/2014 06:29 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 743

You deserved it 7 385

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 04:38 - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 705

You deserved it 4 345

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 352

You deserved it 4 486

By explodingpupppet - 30/09/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 521

You deserved it 36 854

By unappreciated - 25/06/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 698

You deserved it 2 794

Carless whisper

By JaneSimple - 05/02/2021 17:01

Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 296

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 20/05/2017 02:00

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 597

You deserved it 351

By David - 08/11/2012 05:43 - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 2 116

By Ahhwtf - 18/08/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 667

You deserved it 9 778

WTF are you doing?

By onlyolivia - 11/02/2016 19:55 - United States - Laurel

Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 693

You deserved it 1 365

By upliftmofo - 28/03/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 5 961

By fd - 16/01/2009 13:36 - United States

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 471

You deserved it 38 289

What? Why? How?

By naas1201 - 03/03/2021 02:01

Today, a girl told me, "You're so cute, like a monkey." I seriously don't know if it's a compliment or if I'm being insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 81

By Holly - 29/08/2012 04:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 308

You deserved it 31 632

By killmenow - 19/02/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 204

You deserved it 3 476

By oops - 27/09/2015 02:24 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 716

You deserved it 5 568

By secret - 02/11/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 649

You deserved it 5 407

By antiqued - 20/12/2012 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 002

You deserved it 3 078

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 14:18 - United States

Today, my husband and I have been trying to buy a house and start a family together. Now I find out that he just spent $5000 on comic books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 219

You deserved it 4 484

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 218

You deserved it 3 512

By rivercitybarf - 08/08/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 621

You deserved it 6 879

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Top comments

wildsweetchild 19

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Thursday 13 December 2012 11:39

No matter what anybody says or thinks, you are the one who creates the life for yourself and if you fully commit to something you truly want...everything is possible!

dre_bro11 12

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Thursday 13 December 2012 13:22

Yeah. Get run over by a train instead.

soccergurrll 8

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Thursday 13 December 2012 11:34

That's disappointing! Sorry OP, maybe you will prove him wrong!

dre_bro11 12

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Thursday 13 December 2012 13:22

Yeah. Get run over by a train instead.

Ryan_Jaxson 8

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Thursday 13 December 2012 13:41

There is a city called Chihuahua in Mexico?!

gc327072 30

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Thursday 13 December 2012 14:55

22- there's a whole damn province called Chihuahua. (the city of chihuahua being in the middle) Your mind=blown. *puts rain poncho on to avoid flying grey matter*

wildsweetchild 19

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Thursday 13 December 2012 11:39

No matter what anybody says or thinks, you are the one who creates the life for yourself and if you fully commit to something you truly want...everything is possible!

BlackBlazeCobra 16

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Thursday 13 December 2012 11:46

It's time to turn the tables and prove them wrong. Good luck OP, I have faith in you!

ScotsLassie 6

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Friday 14 December 2012 1:24

I highly doubt that their therapist said anything like this. It is likely that the OP said it and the therapist failed to get them to reflect on it and challenge it. This may be due to the type of therapy that they were getting, or a bad therapist. Anyway OP try and rationalise this thought. You should definitely take this belief to your next therapy session.

Mideoyeo 12

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Thursday 13 December 2012 11:46

If you keep taking the counsellors words seriously and shut your self out it'll do you no good. A few bad relations does not mean you're doomed for life!~ Good luck OP

whiteboy896 9

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Thursday 13 December 2012 11:46

You'll find that person one day OP, have patience.

Pretty_reckless_fml 18

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Thursday 13 December 2012 12:00

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're probably right" OP if you don't believe in yourself and what perseverance in a relationship can achieve, you don't stand a chance! Don't worry :) you'll find the right person and make it work, there's someone for everyone

ajackofallyrades 3

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Thursday 13 December 2012 23:48

Ahhh yes someone for everyone. The Cinderella myth!

citymayer 7

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Friday 14 December 2012 1:42

There are billions of people in this world and you still have a hard time believing that there's someone for everyone? Are you limiting that someone to only one person or something? And Cinderella was a poor servant that married a prince. Rags to riches is not the same as true love. Get your fairy tales straight.