Health: Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood...

By oldlady - United States

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

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Health

Vulture

Great family you've got there

Hot lava from both ends

By thanksma - United States - Stilwell

Thanks for the heads up

Today, at his request, I met up with my brother for lunch so we could catch up. Apparently, our mother put him up to it so he could tell me our parents are getting a divorce. They didn't want to tell me themselves because I'm "too emotional." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

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By SinkyBalls - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

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By anon - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

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By lovinglife - United Kingdom

Today, I wrapped my boyfriend's Christmas presents for him, because he was too lazy to do it himself. This included my own present. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

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By chuchundra - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

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By Dale - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Nice try

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to meet the girl he has been cheating on me with. He thinks it makes the cheating more understandable if I see how 'hot' she is. FML

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By Brilliant... - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

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By Anonymous

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2021 11:01

Anyone there?

Today, I'm still waiting for my current job, which gaslit me in various ways for a year, to acknowledge my month's notice. My new job starts in 3 weeks. I'm genuinely not sure if my (ex) managers and HR are all on furlough, or if they're just fucking with me. FML

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By boyfriend123 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

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By awkward - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

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By Dave - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

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By speechless - Canada

Gummy

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

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By orourkeda - 14/4/2021 10:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Bad day #74746

Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML

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858

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By FuckingDone - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

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By soljaboy - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

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By sadkid - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

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By Calimero

Today, I forked over a hefty sum to stay the night in a beautiful, luxurious hotel room, because back home I have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night yet. Never would I have imagined I would be staying directly next to the town nightclub. I'm still awake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

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By Meghan Elise

Today, my boyfriend and I dyed our hair. His hair came out good. My hair, on the other hand, came out splotchy, and instead of dark blue, it came out green. FML

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By Anonymous

Burden

Today, after a fight with my parents, I told them I was running away. They said, "Good. Now we have less to pay in child support." FML

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By bill - United States - Pasadena

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

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By MC - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

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By Mimi - United States - Vallejo

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

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By neverleavingthehouseagain - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

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By ew - United States - Pickens

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

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By -_- - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

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By nadette - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML

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By AkaiKitsune

The Trifecta

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

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By pooped

Not all heroes…

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

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By ew - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

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By whyyjustwhy - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

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By Broken

Today, the ex of my boyfriend of 18 months called me and put her phone in her purse. I heard my boyfriend say he's sick of me, he hasn't been happy for a year, and he's afraid to leave because he feels sorry for me. He bought her a ring. I got earrings. FML

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By Barking Mad - Australia - Revesby

Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML

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By didntevenknow - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#660475 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:35

...trapped in the body of a 50 year old cougar.

By Ninjaface | 0

#660497 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:56

On the bright side you skipped mimicing menstruation.

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#660475 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:35

...trapped in the body of a 50 year old cougar.

nabzilla | 0

#660547 - Sunday 8 November 2009 11:02

hahaha.

Ajjas013 | 6

#660751 - Sunday 8 November 2009 15:53

There is also such thing as male breast cancer. But it's rare and so is your condition... Probably.

Bran_Dizzle_ | 0

#665109 - Wednesday 11 November 2009 3:43

LMFAO

ryguy997 | 0

#936658 - Thursday 11 March 2010 19:35

stay away from licorice an #7 recycleable bottles since both contain estrogen.

zach205 | 24

#6075235 - Saturday 27 September 2014 14:02

57 a lot of stuff does, the natural male body has estrogen even, just as females naturally has testosterone

By Blaid_fml | 0

#660487 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:44

lol word

By KWifey305 | 0

#660493 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:50

lmao

By brndnftwiiin | 3

#660495 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:53

lmfao, f4il.

xCrackerx | 3

#660504 - Sunday 8 November 2009 10:02

Just like your comment.

nabzilla | 0

#660549 - Sunday 8 November 2009 11:03

hahaha agreed!

By Ninjaface | 0

#660497 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:56

On the bright side you skipped mimicing menstruation.

Aha09 | 1

#660707 - Sunday 8 November 2009 14:58

That's always a positive! ;D

dudeitsdanny | 9

#661490 - Monday 9 November 2009 1:44

No, that was before FML was even around.
"Today, blood came out of my penis. It's not an infection of any sort. I have ovaries and a period. FML."

By Fluffy_homan | 0

#660499 - Sunday 8 November 2009 9:57

r u sure your a male? have you checked if there's junk in your pants? and r u sure you wernt lied to as a child about your age?

ShadyJeff | 0

#660985 - Sunday 8 November 2009 19:19

what? lied about his age?

also english please.

dudeitsdanny | 9

#661492 - Monday 9 November 2009 1:46

Yeah, lied to about his age.
As in, he's really 50.
And possibly a woman.

OP:Were you in a comatose state for a longgggggggg time?

By bosshaug | 0

#660513 - Sunday 8 November 2009 10:12

Ahh, finally stopping that monthy ritual females call menstration?
Good move

By Peroxide | 3

#660514 - Sunday 8 November 2009 10:14

I smell a hilarious sitcom in the making...

isantorin | 0

#660538 - Sunday 8 November 2009 10:48

before everyone starts screaming about how insensitive it is in one way or another, at least.

By fuckyoufuckers | 0

#660580 - Sunday 8 November 2009 11:44

"I'm a 17 year old guy"
Yeah right buddy.

By stupiddumbblonde | 0

#660597 - Sunday 8 November 2009 12:07

epic.