Health: Today, after a long shift, I came home and cleaned my house so...

By Anonymous - 03/11/2018 22:00

Today, after a long shift, I came home and cleaned my house so I could relax tomorrow. I finished up the night with a soothing bubble bath, which was lovely until the ceiling collapsed into the tub. I can't even wash the filth off because my bath is full of drain-clogging plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 720

You deserved it 134

Health

Vulture

Keep it clean

Tough choice

By unknown - 08/03/2014 00:53 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 954

You deserved it 28 687

By AreYouSerious - 27/08/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 706

You deserved it 3 644

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 01:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 491

You deserved it 5 366

By dogbreederssuck - 03/02/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 425

You deserved it 2 846

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 112

You deserved it 453

By FarisH - 31/05/2010 09:15 - Jordan

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 037

You deserved it 9 456

By Hornymuch - 02/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 28 754

By Anonymous - 19/01/2012 19:45 - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 354

You deserved it 5 369

Parting gift

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 20:01

Today, the girl who lived downstairs and who was also sleeping with my guy moved out. She left a stack of my mail she had been taking at my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 78

By sonwhy - 25/02/2014 00:51 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 598

You deserved it 7 231

One hell of a poker game?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 17:02

Today, I lost 1200 dollars, my fiancée, my dog, my apartment, and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 273

By Hair Fail - 22/10/2011 15:32 - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 079

You deserved it 6 650

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 46 021

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 670

You deserved it 3 536

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I’m officially at the point where I can’t blame others for not wanting to play on the Playstation with me. I don’t even want to play with myself. I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 237

Serial killer

By bananapie69 - 29/05/2020 23:00

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 957

Some guys will hump anything

By slschmidt - 22/09/2021 14:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, when asked for a second date, I had to explain to a man that I didn’t want to see him again, and that he should give women compliments and ask them questions when on a date. He then told me he only does that when his dates look good or say something interesting. He sure still tried to fuck me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 271

By smashyonewfloors - 31/08/2013 04:44 - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 2 825

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:56 - United States - Dallas

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 204

You deserved it 1 485

Influencers

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 08:01

Today, my wife asked me to wrap an empty box to put under the Christmas tree. She didn't want her vlog followers to think she didn't get me any gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 103

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 571

You deserved it 7 849

By nhanley1 - 02/04/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 603

You deserved it 6 220

Smelly business

By skunkcat - 11/03/2020 21:00 - United States

Today, I was drunk in a hotel lobby with some of my cousins. I went out on the patio to get some fresh air when I saw a black cat in the bushes. I went straight over to it and started to pet it. I realized too late that the black cat was actually a skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 644

By cmerr - 19/03/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 608

You deserved it 9 742

By sadgirlhours - 26/08/2019 19:01 - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 1 755

By fml - 19/01/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 819

You deserved it 40 799

By hackling fellow - 10/03/2011 13:17

Today, I was painting my mom's house, which so far had taken 12 hours over two days. All of a sudden there was a wind storm. All of the leaves stuck to the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 857

You deserved it 4 151

By shook - 06/09/2017 14:00 - United States - Clermont

Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 11 719

By scared shitless in ohio - 25/09/2013 20:02 - United States - Dublin

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 742

You deserved it 5 512

By cahsecuel - 14/08/2014 20:44 - France - Grisolles

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 524

You deserved it 7 101

Little shit

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 20:01 - Malaysia

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 96

Bad Day for a Good Boy

By Dakota - 28/09/2017 04:30

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 887

By Anonymous - 08/05/2018 19:00

Today, I went to a cute frog-themed frozen yogurt shop that was surprisingly realistic. So realistic, in fact, that there was a dead fly in my yogurt. I found it with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 715

You deserved it 300

By MikeMorin18 - 01/08/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 279

You deserved it 34 938

By LightsOut - 03/05/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I finished working a 70 hour work week. I'm a lineman for the electric company, and worked extended hours all week getting people's lights back on after a wind storm. When I got home, my power was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 481

You deserved it 3 118

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 646

You deserved it 30 834

By heterolifepartner - 18/01/2010 06:03 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 111

You deserved it 2 865

How Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 20/08/2018 08:30 - United States - Brick

Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 161

By Miami6and3 - 26/08/2013 18:22 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 394

You deserved it 5 299

By tony - 24/07/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 403

You deserved it 7 644

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 3 November 2018 23:12

On the bright side, I’m sure you have a good tongue.

fde2blknimout 18

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Sunday 4 November 2018 3:47

Heres your sign. You’re probably going to want to You Tube that.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 3 November 2018 23:12

On the bright side, I’m sure you have a good tongue.

WHSKitty4ever 23

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Sunday 4 November 2018 0:29

That’s worse than the shower stall ceiling collapsing on my mom while she was taking it shower.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Sunday 4 November 2018 2:56

What the hell? No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

fde2blknimout 18

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Sunday 4 November 2018 3:45

Pretend you are a dish and figure it out. Then sign my copy of the darwin awards.

fde2blknimout 18

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Sunday 4 November 2018 3:47

Heres your sign. You’re probably going to want to You Tube that.

chosha_fml 25

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Monday 5 November 2018 22:23

Why the sign? OP didn’t do anything stupid.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Monday 5 November 2018 0:17

Did something cause the ceiling to cave in or did it just come down without reason?? At least you got out of it without bad injury OP

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

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You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 73

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 139