Intimacy: Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside?...

By love and tolerape, apparently - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

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36882

You deserved it

8307

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Intimacy

Understandable

Serious times

Season finale

By purpleskylight - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

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17042

You deserved it

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By Jason the flasher

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1319

You deserved it

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By confused - Canada

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38518

You deserved it

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By CheddarJack89 - United States - Manchester

Wobbly

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23766

You deserved it

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By dontask

Today I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1023

You deserved it

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By futuremum - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35248

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29396

You deserved it

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By Bellucy27 - United States

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot, and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized is stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10528

You deserved it

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By spanishsucks - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38179

You deserved it

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By WTFLY - United States - Hilo

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44152

You deserved it

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By misc - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

551565

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - China

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28717

You deserved it

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By Zephyric - United States

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43347

You deserved it

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By fun - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "to put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32987

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34917

You deserved it

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By always amazed - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19121

You deserved it

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By tanisLX - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36117

You deserved it

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By ...loud noises...urgh... - United Kingdom

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14185

You deserved it

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By NotBridezilla - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9780

You deserved it

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By WhyMe

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3384

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1760

You deserved it

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By fuckyouverymuch - United States - Salida

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41497

You deserved it

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By KindStranger - United Kingdom - Shrewsbury

Getting frisky

Today, I was walking home when I thought I saw a man beating up a woman in a phone box, I opened the door and pulled the man of the woman, turns out they where just "getting frisky" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1921

You deserved it

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By hairynips - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30122

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29750

You deserved it

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By Too Many Layers - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10857

You deserved it

744

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By hahahaha090114 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45052

You deserved it

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By mylifesucks22 - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14505

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Dinho - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my parent's house I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34379

You deserved it

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By strangely - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35149

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Dared

Today, I was dared to stand and hold a sign saying, "Free Hugs." This girl I'd never seen before gave me a crushing hug and cried hysterically on my shoulder in the blazing afternoon sun. I couldn't get her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

947

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20272

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 17:00

Caught red-handed

Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1749

You deserved it

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By nekkiddrunk - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8872

You deserved it

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By arachnidphobia - United States

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30684

You deserved it

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By TLT - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43276

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

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40564

You deserved it

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Top comments

By SkyGuy32 | 17

#6218374 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Maybe you're just subconsciously a brony.

By ZeroDying | 11

#6218384 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:05

I had the same dream but with Elmo ...

COMMENTS

By SkyGuy32 | 17

#6218374 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Maybe you're just subconsciously a brony.

Welshite | 39

#6218393 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:08

Nothing wrong with being a brony. I have pictures of the ponies on my walls, and they tell me bedtime stories every night. OP is just in denial.

adrian1910 | 15

#6218404 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Welshite | 39

#6218411 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:17

That's ok. I never needed your respect to enjoy certain shows.

devildog562 | 33

#6218417 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:20

My daughter wishes she loved my little pony as much as me.
Welshite, do you have a custom made twilight from build-a-bear? I know I'm rocking it !

lnheritance | 19

#6218422 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:23

Our minds do wonders. Personally I dream of zombie apocalypse's.

boredSOLDIER | 33

#6218491 - Monday 2 March 2015 1:30

Wonder who it was? Sounds like Discord made a cameo in OPs dream. Friendship is magic son!!!!

doctorhook86 | 24

#6218620 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:48

#13: I don't think anybody (anywhere?) cares much if they have your respect, bro.

ThatDamHuntress | 20

#6218656 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:08

Because Everyone Cares about a Random Guys Respect. Get a Life.

THERMALSCOPES13 | 3

#6218675 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:44

I hope all bronies are publicly executed

Retaheki | 27

#6218718 - Monday 2 March 2015 6:39

What's up with the FML team? First Shrek FMLs, now MLP FMLs, what's next, Call of Duty FMLs? The team is really diving into 4chan or something.

Hummmph | 8

#6218809 - Monday 2 March 2015 9:47

Here here.

Axle_Bloodwolf | 6

#6219303 - Monday 2 March 2015 20:05

I would like to point out that I watch this show, with my daughter, and though I am not a brony or a clopper (some one who sexualizes the my little pony show) I do happen to enjoy it. And I don't need your respect about it to feel good with myself

ajs1987 | 15

#6219305 - Monday 2 March 2015 20:06

What is a "brony?" It sounds like something you should avoid.

PokemonMaster0 | 15

#6219409 - Monday 2 March 2015 22:06

Subconsciously? This is more than subconscious. He has entered clopper territory.

RogueWarrior869 | 23

#6219835 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 5:11

@118 A brony is fan of the My Little Pony series. Normally a name used by male fans, but from what I've seen, females also prefer using it instead of pegasister. Unless you're into/okay with highly nsfw pony works, cloppers are the ones you'd want to avoid.

SkyGuy32 | 17

#6219856 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 5:46

Being a brony is perfectly fine in my opinion, but being a clopper is not ok.

ajs1987 | 15

#6220300 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:29

@127 Is it just little boys who are bronies or are there grown men who are in to that show too? That's kinda weird to think about.

ThatDamHuntress | 20

#6220594 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 21:49

#131 Grown Men.

mnb1998 | 15

#6221580 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 20:56

Yup I love dreaming about zombies and the apocalypse ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

kittykat1501 | 31

#6337650 - Thursday 2 July 2015 2:35

16 I do! It sings the theme song

PotatomanIsReal | 9

#6453270 - Wednesday 4 November 2015 15:48

#131 Yes, there are little boy bronies. I know a few irl

crack229 | 19

#6552826 - Saturday 5 March 2016 19:38

that's really gay

By bl865ood | 17

#6218375 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Doesn't matter, had sex.

jigglypuff34 | 16

#6218398 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:10

That's debatable.

BlondePsycho | 43

#6218420 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:23

I was going to make a reply about how pathetically wide a net he's casting for his definition of sex but that seems cheap.

Jason89 | 14

#6218650 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:04

they definitely hit the hay ... didn't they?

catchingzzzzzz | 10

#6218670 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:37

I hope you were quoting SNL here... "I just had sex"

casey_ct | 10

#6218769 - Monday 2 March 2015 8:18

still counts had sex!

KitchKraft | 21

#6219094 - Monday 2 March 2015 16:29

My friend accidentally yelled that to someone who told him that they had kinda had sex but it was actually a rape case.

By pubeboy | 16

#6218376 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Did you get bonied by a pony?

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6218562 - Monday 2 March 2015 3:38

He said a character, not specifically one of the mane 6. It could have been Iron Will ;)

By Araj_Hs | 19

#6218377 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

You should be glad it was not someone from 'Planet of Apes'. HAH!

ThatDamHuntress | 20

#6218657 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:10

What if it was one of the Humans.

By aguynamednick | 20

#6218379 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:04

bony the pony

By ZeroDying | 11

#6218384 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:05

I had the same dream but with Elmo ...

BlondePsycho | 43

#6218419 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:21

Elmo does seem like that type, right? Glad it's not just me

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6218423 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:25

I had one with one of girls from the Total Drama series.

MidnaLink | 32

#6218427 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:28

I would do Leshawna or Gwen! Who's your pick?

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6218428 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:29

Actually it was Samey (Sammy) from this past season.

MidnaLink | 32

#6218518 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:23

Oh, never watched after Island.

dannnngthatsux | 19

#6218617 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:47

#20, Gwen!

sneeuwbal | 6

#6218866 - Monday 2 March 2015 10:47

Have you ever been tickled on the inside? Stop touching me, Elmo!

By WavRace | 14

#6218387 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:06

"My little pony, you'll always be in my dreams."

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6218559 - Monday 2 March 2015 3:35

Wasn't it "You'll always be in my heart"?

WavRace | 14

#6218563 - Monday 2 March 2015 3:38

But it's not in OP's heart, it's in his dreams.

By MMSINCsidecars | 9

#6218389 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:06

At least you know you're not a brony now.

By Migole | 36

#6218390 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Darkness_Hate | 29

#6218410 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:16

As far as I know we can dislike a show..even if for some people it's not really "polite"

UhHuhHoney | 20

#6218444 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:39

#9 you must be a blast at parties, I can just tell.

Retaheki | 27

#6218740 - Monday 2 March 2015 7:13

Aw damn, some girl on the internet told me I can't dislike a show, I gotta start watching My Little Pony.

By 19990231 | 29

#6218399 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:10

In the closet brony, it's okay.