Intimacy: Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside?...

By love and tolerape, apparently - India - Jamshedpur

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

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Intimacy

Commando

Sorry…

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By beka

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

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2105

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

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43443

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By AreYouSerious

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

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3031

You deserved it

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By Gross - United States - Houston

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54753

You deserved it

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By Stranded - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63732

You deserved it

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By paytonallyce - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a bug bite on my boob. I scratched it so much it started bleeding so I put a bandaid on it. Turns out the band-aid had latex in it and I got an allergic reaction to it. The bug bite is still bleeding and the top half of my boob is swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10774

You deserved it

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By kprince - United States - Northridge

Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52364

You deserved it

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By pianoplayer - Canada - Mackenzie

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47432

You deserved it

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26098

You deserved it

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By Habit - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26668

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By woahlaura - United States - Houston

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21657

You deserved it

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By smh - United States - Milltown

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42333

You deserved it

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By freaked out - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Naulwenn - France - Groslay

Today, my divorced parents have started sending each other photos of both of my bedrooms, to, “compare the shambles and see who wins.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

12753

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By celticschick - 31/8/2020 16:59

And they same romance is dead…

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2134

You deserved it

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By Hum - Switzerland

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32648

You deserved it

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By Loho - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55849

You deserved it

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By confused - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31052

You deserved it

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By douglas - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

40101

You deserved it

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By Tag - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39073

You deserved it

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By xxruby - United States - Katy

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44139

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

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You deserved it

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By hopeless - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30636

You deserved it

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By boo! - United States

Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12496

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33348

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33983

You deserved it

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By traumatized - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87052

You deserved it

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By itchybollos - Australia

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33948

You deserved it

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By Will this stupid fad ever end? - United States

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35545

You deserved it

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By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30010

You deserved it

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By SarahAnne

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I think I'm average looking. He told me that it was OK, unless he wakes up tomorrow with some standards, I'm good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1692

You deserved it

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By BadKitty - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11760

You deserved it

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By touche :/ - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46634

You deserved it

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By prettybich - United States

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17160

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30805

You deserved it

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By LesToiliettes - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26748

You deserved it

2132

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By tsardaukar - United States

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

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Top comments

By SkyGuy32 | 17

#6218374 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Maybe you're just subconsciously a brony.

By ZeroDying | 11

#6218384 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:05

I had the same dream but with Elmo ...

COMMENTS

By SkyGuy32 | 17

#6218374 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Maybe you're just subconsciously a brony.

Welshite | 39

#6218393 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:08

Nothing wrong with being a brony. I have pictures of the ponies on my walls, and they tell me bedtime stories every night. OP is just in denial.

adrian1910 | 15

#6218404 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Welshite | 39

#6218411 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:17

That's ok. I never needed your respect to enjoy certain shows.

devildog562 | 33

#6218417 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:20

My daughter wishes she loved my little pony as much as me.
Welshite, do you have a custom made twilight from build-a-bear? I know I'm rocking it !

lnheritance | 19

#6218422 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:23

Our minds do wonders. Personally I dream of zombie apocalypse's.

boredSOLDIER | 33

#6218491 - Monday 2 March 2015 1:30

Wonder who it was? Sounds like Discord made a cameo in OPs dream. Friendship is magic son!!!!

doctorhook86 | 24

#6218620 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:48

#13: I don't think anybody (anywhere?) cares much if they have your respect, bro.

ThatDamHuntress | 20

#6218656 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:08

Because Everyone Cares about a Random Guys Respect. Get a Life.

THERMALSCOPES13 | 3

#6218675 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:44

I hope all bronies are publicly executed

Retaheki | 27

#6218718 - Monday 2 March 2015 6:39

What's up with the FML team? First Shrek FMLs, now MLP FMLs, what's next, Call of Duty FMLs? The team is really diving into 4chan or something.

Hummmph | 8

#6218809 - Monday 2 March 2015 9:47

Here here.

Axle_Bloodwolf | 6

#6219303 - Monday 2 March 2015 20:05

I would like to point out that I watch this show, with my daughter, and though I am not a brony or a clopper (some one who sexualizes the my little pony show) I do happen to enjoy it. And I don't need your respect about it to feel good with myself

ajs1987 | 15

#6219305 - Monday 2 March 2015 20:06

What is a "brony?" It sounds like something you should avoid.

PokemonMaster0 | 15

#6219409 - Monday 2 March 2015 22:06

Subconsciously? This is more than subconscious. He has entered clopper territory.

RogueWarrior869 | 23

#6219835 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 5:11

@118 A brony is fan of the My Little Pony series. Normally a name used by male fans, but from what I've seen, females also prefer using it instead of pegasister. Unless you're into/okay with highly nsfw pony works, cloppers are the ones you'd want to avoid.

SkyGuy32 | 17

#6219856 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 5:46

Being a brony is perfectly fine in my opinion, but being a clopper is not ok.

ajs1987 | 15

#6220300 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 17:29

@127 Is it just little boys who are bronies or are there grown men who are in to that show too? That's kinda weird to think about.

ThatDamHuntress | 20

#6220594 - Tuesday 3 March 2015 21:49

#131 Grown Men.

mnb1998 | 15

#6221580 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 20:56

Yup I love dreaming about zombies and the apocalypse ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

kittykat1501 | 31

#6337650 - Thursday 2 July 2015 2:35

16 I do! It sings the theme song

PotatomanIsReal | 9

#6453270 - Wednesday 4 November 2015 15:48

#131 Yes, there are little boy bronies. I know a few irl

crack229 | 19

#6552826 - Saturday 5 March 2016 19:38

that's really gay

By bl865ood | 17

#6218375 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Doesn't matter, had sex.

jigglypuff34 | 16

#6218398 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:10

That's debatable.

BlondePsycho | 43

#6218420 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:23

I was going to make a reply about how pathetically wide a net he's casting for his definition of sex but that seems cheap.

Jason89 | 14

#6218650 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:04

they definitely hit the hay ... didn't they?

catchingzzzzzz | 10

#6218670 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:37

I hope you were quoting SNL here... "I just had sex"

casey_ct | 10

#6218769 - Monday 2 March 2015 8:18

still counts had sex!

KitchKraft | 21

#6219094 - Monday 2 March 2015 16:29

My friend accidentally yelled that to someone who told him that they had kinda had sex but it was actually a rape case.

By pubeboy | 16

#6218376 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

Did you get bonied by a pony?

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6218562 - Monday 2 March 2015 3:38

He said a character, not specifically one of the mane 6. It could have been Iron Will ;)

By Araj_Hs | 19

#6218377 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:03

You should be glad it was not someone from 'Planet of Apes'. HAH!

ThatDamHuntress | 20

#6218657 - Monday 2 March 2015 5:10

What if it was one of the Humans.

By aguynamednick | 20

#6218379 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:04

bony the pony

By ZeroDying | 11

#6218384 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:05

I had the same dream but with Elmo ...

BlondePsycho | 43

#6218419 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:21

Elmo does seem like that type, right? Glad it's not just me

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6218423 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:25

I had one with one of girls from the Total Drama series.

MidnaLink | 32

#6218427 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:28

I would do Leshawna or Gwen! Who's your pick?

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6218428 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:29

Actually it was Samey (Sammy) from this past season.

MidnaLink | 32

#6218518 - Monday 2 March 2015 2:23

Oh, never watched after Island.

dannnngthatsux | 19

#6218617 - Monday 2 March 2015 4:47

#20, Gwen!

sneeuwbal | 6

#6218866 - Monday 2 March 2015 10:47

Have you ever been tickled on the inside? Stop touching me, Elmo!

By WavRace | 14

#6218387 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:06

"My little pony, you'll always be in my dreams."

Sandsh8rk | 36

#6218559 - Monday 2 March 2015 3:35

Wasn't it "You'll always be in my heart"?

WavRace | 14

#6218563 - Monday 2 March 2015 3:38

But it's not in OP's heart, it's in his dreams.

By MMSINCsidecars | 9

#6218389 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:06

At least you know you're not a brony now.

By Migole | 36

#6218390 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Darkness_Hate | 29

#6218410 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:16

As far as I know we can dislike a show..even if for some people it's not really "polite"

UhHuhHoney | 20

#6218444 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:39

#9 you must be a blast at parties, I can just tell.

Retaheki | 27

#6218740 - Monday 2 March 2015 7:13

Aw damn, some girl on the internet told me I can't dislike a show, I gotta start watching My Little Pony.

By 19990231 | 29

#6218399 - Monday 2 March 2015 0:10

In the closet brony, it's okay.