Miscellaneous: Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the...

By creepystalkerguy - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

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Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Pleased to meet you

Baby you can drive my car

By JoeyTheJedi - United States - Batesville

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15292

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By noboyfriend - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

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108146

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2073

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270

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By frustrated - Australia

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23487

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By HotelClerk - United States

Today, somebody stopped by the front desk at the hotel I work at to report a vehicle had its headlights on. I wrote down the info, including the plate. Hours later, after my shift was over, I finally realized that it was MY vehicle. The battery was dead. FML

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8089

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By Worky Workerton - United States - Oakland

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11690

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By northernlass - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

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13334

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By Forge - United States - Taylor

Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43928

You deserved it

3459

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By [email protected] - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

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56467

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By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

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25375

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By David H.

Check 'em

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

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43818

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By Blah - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

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58614

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By DeniedAgain - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I'd had a quarter in my pocket. I find no change in my pocket once I get to the register, so I pull out my credit card. The cashier laughs a few seconds later. My card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

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39193

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By Anonymous

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

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1701

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186

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By please knock - United States - Needham

Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML

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11373

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By britanyann - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

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27423

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By Bigfoot

Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2913

You deserved it

365

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By unfucked - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

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24851

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By ikickgingers - United States

Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML

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34497

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By Sad and hungry - 25/4/2020 17:00

Tasty!

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

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1792

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By llostinreality - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the blinker on my car was broken so I decided to play it safe and drive a different car to work. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered which car I drove, as the cop nicely told me one of the headlights was out when he pulled me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2928

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355

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By Skoff - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

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26017

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 11:01 - Canada

Smoked

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

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959

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By Anonymous

Capitalism 101

Today, a massive septic tank that takes waste from 11 factories exploded. The wind is blowing directly towards us. Even with closed windows, no amount of perfume helps. There's no escape. People have puked. We've still got 4 hours of production and management doesn't care about the workers outside. FML

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1713

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By say my name

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

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38225

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By fordn4h - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

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37409

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By JLD - United States

Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

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34004

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By insomnitude - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

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41697

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By snowwhite - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

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58490

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mangerton

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML

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33418

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By lu… - 8/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Monster!

Today, my mother decided that I'm a complete sociopath and that I don’t care that my grandmother just died. Why? Because I haven’t lost my appetite. My grief response is to eat. FML

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819

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

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14197

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By wideawake - United Kingdom

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

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30186

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By Petridishoflove - Hong Kong

Today, I put my paint brush into my cup of tea. FML

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10512

You deserved it

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By drunkennight - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8959

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By sorry :/ - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

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37951

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By Facepalm - United States

Today, my mom threw out years worth of trophies that I'd put tons of effort into earning. Her reason? They all looked the same to her. FML

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32995

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2552

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By youmakemesick - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 4 years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me and then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML

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38476

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By idontunderstand

Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3635

You deserved it

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By Loner_Lou - United Kingdom - London

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

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Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#621133 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:28

IKEA

A one-way maze you can still get lost in.

By pleasetryagain | 0

#621116 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Why didn't YOU inform her of this? Weren't there other people "following" her as well?

COMMENTS

By Shmoe | 0

#621109 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Haha. :P

liveBabylon | 0

#621143 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:34

but your name is creepystalker guy... LAWL

Ajjas013 | 6

#624558 - Saturday 17 October 2009 18:10

Not exactly true. There are shortcuts. Check the map.

FailsFTW | 0

#899636 - Sunday 28 February 2010 6:34

wow i didnt notice that. meheheh!

By pleasetryagain | 0

#621116 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Why didn't YOU inform her of this? Weren't there other people "following" her as well?

txgirl09 | 5

#621121 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:23

no kidding. the fml is on her for being dumb enough to not see ikea is set up that way.

besides, didn't other people stop to laugh at her for yelling at that poor guy? I know I would have.