Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the...

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34630

You deserved it

2426

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

The Summoner

True hero

By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64882

You deserved it

7730

Favorite

By fuck people - 2/8/2013 20:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50926

You deserved it

3155

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/8/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42490

You deserved it

4873

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 22:00

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3946

You deserved it

464

Favorite

By Deaf - 2/7/2015 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38166

You deserved it

1824

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 12:00

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1542

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48418

You deserved it

6870

Favorite

By anonymous - 14/2/2011 13:45 - United States

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35066

You deserved it

16915

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/7/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23737

You deserved it

2004

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40798

You deserved it

3235

Favorite

By Kmcc - 22/4/2019 12:00

Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3378

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By Knaxer - 12/12/2015 17:22 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19858

You deserved it

6522

Favorite

By Anonyme - 30/8/2013 10:59 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25058

You deserved it

35768

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2019 16:11

Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1957

You deserved it

258

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30299

You deserved it

4042

Favorite

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/8/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1320

You deserved it

198

Favorite

By PrestonW - 9/2/2011 15:53

Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35257

You deserved it

7738

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33008

You deserved it

2533

Favorite

By lizard - 9/1/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29545

You deserved it

2900

Favorite

By Joel - 25/8/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17476

You deserved it

69872

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/6/2020 23:02

Bullshit reason

Today, my husband wants a divorce. His reason, so he claims, is that he went to see a card reader a few months ago and she told him our relationship would not last. Apparently, our astrological signs or something are not compatible, so he thinks we shouldn't waste our time. We have been married for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1755

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1119

You deserved it

858

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35147

You deserved it

2483

Favorite

By Mintspice - 19/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I had cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6 month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three pay-checks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3898

Phew, glad it wasn't me

579

Favorite

By Meghan Elise - 6/7/2019 02:41

Today, my boyfriend and I dyed our hair. His hair came out good. My hair, on the other hand, came out splotchy, and instead of dark blue, it came out green. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1226

You deserved it

544

Favorite

By arrestedgun - 23/5/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21334

You deserved it

58473

Favorite

By - 25/1/2019 20:00

Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2763

You deserved it

932

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Troy

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my wish of a pet that I could take care of for a few years. They got a parrot. I guess 75 years or more is a few years to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5742

You deserved it

1286

Favorite

By Kaz - 7/5/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12554

You deserved it

50123

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/11/2019 22:15

Cheater

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2566

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By difference between birds and mammals. - 3/9/2012 00:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26287

You deserved it

2735

Favorite

By emzymcsmiles - 8/10/2019 02:00

Bye bye, then

Today, I learnt that I can't share my things with other people. This includes my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1172

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By BowlofCherries - 22/5/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25353

You deserved it

5246

Favorite

By Bloody Nose - 16/4/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21574

You deserved it

1962

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29483

You deserved it

4200

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13579

You deserved it

38134

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 14:03

Hairy situation

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1402

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By abby181 - 3/9/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34009

You deserved it

3486

Favorite

By comphone - 19/11/2008 08:00 - France

Today, I went to work 300 miles away from where I live. I couldn't find my customer's address, so I decided to call him. I'd picked up my wireless house phone instead of my mobile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27262

You deserved it

9549

Favorite

By TheJuggla17 - 22/12/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28995

You deserved it

2599

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#621133 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:28

IKEA

A one-way maze you can still get lost in.

By pleasetryagain | 0

#621116 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Why didn't YOU inform her of this? Weren't there other people "following" her as well?

COMMENTS

By Shmoe | 0

#621109 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Haha. :P

liveBabylon | 0

#621143 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:34

but your name is creepystalker guy... LAWL

Ajjas013 | 6

#624558 - Saturday 17 October 2009 18:10

Not exactly true. There are shortcuts. Check the map.

FailsFTW | 0

#899636 - Sunday 28 February 2010 6:34

wow i didnt notice that. meheheh!

By pleasetryagain | 0

#621116 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:21

Why didn't YOU inform her of this? Weren't there other people "following" her as well?

txgirl09 | 5

#621121 - Wednesday 14 October 2009 23:23

no kidding. the fml is on her for being dumb enough to not see ikea is set up that way.

besides, didn't other people stop to laugh at her for yelling at that poor guy? I know I would have.