Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:18 - United Kingdom

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28214

You deserved it

1677

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Abuse

Everyone's an expert

By lolreturn - 16/8/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14542

You deserved it

55619

Tweet

Share

By FedExMan - 11/8/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41586

You deserved it

2580

Tweet

Share

By brownieswillneverbethesame - 4/9/2011 06:18 - United States

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32018

You deserved it

2457

Tweet

Share

By dahlia87 - 14/12/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32818

You deserved it

2137

Tweet

Share

By womanlover12345 - 18/7/2011 16:05 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39550

You deserved it

8822

Tweet

Share

By is cum a fruit or a vegetable? - 17/7/2015 17:50 - United States - Germantown

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25673

You deserved it

2595

Tweet

Share

By SadExperiment - 30/10/2012 00:42 - United States - Claremont

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34529

You deserved it

3302

Tweet

Share

By doglover - 3/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52006

You deserved it

4741

Tweet

Share

By choke on a dick, sir - 1/11/2013 22:47 - United States - Portland

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41539

You deserved it

7634

Tweet

Share

By BadMurderer - 31/7/2009 04:01 - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45858

You deserved it

3842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31001

You deserved it

17948

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 13/3/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13459

You deserved it

75700

Tweet

Share

By TheaterMom - 28/6/2016 11:12 - Germany

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13075

You deserved it

958

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 06:01

Boundaries, dude!

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2270

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Jenna Berreth - 7/10/2019 16:00

Ask first, snoop later

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

601

You deserved it

2827

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2011 11:04 - Australia

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59403

You deserved it

7433

Tweet

Share

By Winx - 16/3/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30212

You deserved it

11625

Tweet

Share

By 00bsg - 21/12/2013 15:46 - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52967

You deserved it

4319

Tweet

Share

By busfail - 22/3/2012 18:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33455

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

By shelly - 8/3/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29452

You deserved it

7378

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/9/2013 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43270

You deserved it

2859

Tweet

Share

By evil - 27/1/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43859

You deserved it

4366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8826

You deserved it

59319

Tweet

Share

By chacha_bby - 23/8/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7609

You deserved it

51534

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/5/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11102

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1736

Tweet

Share

By Username - 3/10/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35354

You deserved it

3335

Tweet

Share

By Brinty - 13/3/2010 05:18 - Australia

Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28089

You deserved it

3359

Tweet

Share

By unwanted - 24/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33929

You deserved it

3666

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38597

You deserved it

2942

Tweet

Share

By - 5/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3504

You deserved it

389

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2012 06:31

Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29991

You deserved it

11272

Tweet

Share

By hamboneghost - 24/2/2015 19:02 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31191

You deserved it

8793

Tweet

Share

By Cameron - 29/10/2017 06:00

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5153

You deserved it

476

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2018 12:00

Today, a guy asked for hot fries at the drive thru. After receiving the fries, he threw them at the drive thru window, complained that they were too hot, and asked for the manager for burning his mouth. I am the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2928

You deserved it

138

Tweet

Share

By DingusGinger - 21/4/2019 02:00

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. Best part is I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1927

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41546

You deserved it

4771

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 23:02

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

665

Tweet

Share

By kevdev - 9/9/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34654

You deserved it

9307

Tweet

Share

By 3LLI0TT - 6/10/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40178

You deserved it

33708

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 18:28 - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6539

You deserved it

1480

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By random2212 | 16

#6433900 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:45

I hate idiots like this.

By Emmaray | 16

#6433898 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:45

Well, sounds like the mail wasn't the only thing that was outgoing. I'm sorry OP :-/

COMMENTS

By I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6433897 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:44

At least she didn't v-omit this information.

Reply

tranced_ | 43

#6433927 - Monday 12 October 2015 23:02

you need to re-cheque that pun.

Reply

Toolishing | 22

#6434156 - Tuesday 13 October 2015 6:18

This just doesn't work.

By Emmaray | 16

#6433898 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:45

Well, sounds like the mail wasn't the only thing that was outgoing. I'm sorry OP :-/

By derpyshy | 16

#6433899 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:45

How could a kid be let into the office? Was it take your kid to work day?

Reply

cassidi24 | 10

#6433943 - Monday 12 October 2015 23:25

They let them in our office too :/

Reply

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6433955 - Monday 12 October 2015 23:37

Some offices don't really care if someone's kid is at work, i've been to my dad's office quite a few times if he didn't have much work.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6434027 - Tuesday 13 October 2015 1:49

My office lets them in if they're off school or something. People also bring in their dogs sometimes.

By random2212 | 16

#6433900 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:45

I hate idiots like this.

By gosh_mate | 30

#6433902 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:46

This is terrible, but hopefully can be sorted with some re-printing and a few phone calls. Ask the mother for a hand with it all :)

By dietcoke09 | 25

#6433910 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:48

I'm sure the woman knew her kid was sick. It's her fault for not taking him/her to the bathroom and probably telling him where to puke. Hopefully you can get the documents and try to take copies so you don't have to do everything again :/

By LycanGod | 27

#6433911 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:48

hopefully it wasn't too many documents

By Dommon | 7

#6433919 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:55

that sucks, better start redoing it if you still have time

By jenninyc1128 | 17

#6433922 - Monday 12 October 2015 22:56

That sounds terrible! Good luck with that! Poor kid too his mom should have been more attentive if he was sick

By millerkn | 12

#6433936 - Monday 12 October 2015 23:14

Why did she have her kid at work?