Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I...

By Noname - 29/1/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

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Kids

Understandable

Family values

Trip Advisor says no

By goodtiming - 20/5/2010 16:58 - Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 04:46 - United States - Middleboro

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

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By GlassJAwkidE - 29/10/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 13:59 - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

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By emmamrose7 - 15/8/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 02:45 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

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By ledentist - 12/9/2012 02:24 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

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By ihatekids - 14/7/2016 20:43

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

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By booty backfire - 1/5/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2012 18:48 - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

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By candy man - 4/9/2014 19:32 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

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By AudraRose - 7/9/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

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By Yeah - 24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 10:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2016 03:40 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

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By rent-a-cop - 5/5/2013 04:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my dad invested my entire college fund into some shady internet stock, despite my dire warnings about being careful. He told me not to worry as he'd done some research, and he guaranteed everything would be fine. Two hours later that same stock dropped almost 75%. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2018 05:00

Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML

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By sillybrohos - 15/2/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

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By badcook - 24/9/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

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By meish - 5/6/2016 13:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 02:00

What was the point?

Today, four years after my husband passed away, my mother in law thought it was the right time to tell me my husband was cheating on me, and that they had met her and everything. FML

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By chacha_bby - 23/8/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

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By Highschoolisover! - 26/10/2017 01:30

Today, a good friend refuses to speak to me because she found out that I slept with her husband. It happened twelve years before they met. FML

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By cuntingbitchofawhore - 6/2/2016 03:11 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2020 20:02

Surprise strike

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2015 15:29 - United States

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 08:00

Not so special

Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were exclusive for two months now, since I told him if we slept together that it would be. FML

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By disappointment son - 19/5/2017 12:00

Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML

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By Notyourstepmom - 7/9/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

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By Well, shit - 18/1/2016 22:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

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By ugh, why - 22/11/2015 05:12 - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

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By Thanks everyone - 28/8/2013 22:35 - Australia - Gaythorne

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

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By oh my son - 23/12/2012 06:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

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By samgonzalessb - 14/12/2009 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2017 17:08

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

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By Belt issues - 9/6/2016 12:21 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 16:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

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Top comments

By mylifeisnotfuckd | 0

#39462 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 5:01

BOOM! HEADSHOT!

By ohgeez17 | 0

#70641 - Monday 30 March 2009 23:34

lol, i did that to my kid cousin years ago...

His grandmother has yet to forgive me...

COMMENTS

By gatorgirl | 0

#398 - Friday 6 February 2009 18:59

hahahahahahaha

By 0 | 3

#2089 - Saturday 14 February 2009 8:10

HAHAHA thanks so much #11!

Vaati_fml | 20

#5930054 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 2:05

How'd you manage to respond to a comment that came after yours? O.o

By RawrToast | 0

#17261 - Friday 6 March 2009 2:06

Totally happened top me several times before -.-

By mrcarmine | 0

#29337 - Friday 13 March 2009 4:29

lol @ rick

By mylifeisnotfuckd | 0

#39462 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 5:01

BOOM! HEADSHOT!

By ohgeez17 | 0

#70641 - Monday 30 March 2009 23:34

lol, i did that to my kid cousin years ago...

His grandmother has yet to forgive me...

By Jfreekao | 0

#234284 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 0:24

Hmmm... This happened in an episode of Katekyo Hitman REBORN...

By yaktazuki | 0

#254062 - Tuesday 2 June 2009 12:39

I did the same thing as #3

By volleygirl11 | 0

#268405 - Friday 5 June 2009 3:47

Hahaha.I've been hit in the face with a volleyball & served it and hit my BFF in the face and knocked her tooth out. bahahabaha it was funny :)))) but wow you retard l0l
FYL

By popoman | 0

#434236 - Monday 27 July 2009 18:07

You're an idiot. Toddlers often don't have the physical capabilities and coordination to catch a moving object well. You should have rolled it to him. If it were an older child (maybe around 4+), it's not your fault. But you deserve it this time.