Miscellaneous: Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall.... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 339

You deserved it 3 950

Age difference

Walk the line

Empathy lives

By Failure - 09/11/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 010

You deserved it 3 463

By bummed - 10/01/2010 05:35 - United States

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 392

You deserved it 31 661

By okaydisarray - 04/07/2015 02:31 - United States - Dayton

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 741

You deserved it 2 787

By Heethersays - 03/07/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 317

You deserved it 7 627

By Kelsie - 12/12/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 534

You deserved it 4 055

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 727

You deserved it 18 661

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 855

You deserved it 1 763

Heatwave

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it appears I’m allergic. My stomach inflates like a soccer ball and produces terrible gas, and I really don’t feel so good in general. What am I allergic to? Summertime. Every year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 72

By CaityLovesBo - 05/02/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 581

You deserved it 3 520

By Alex - 26/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 169

You deserved it 76 699

By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 01:30

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 446

By Makusu420 - 03/12/2015 00:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 535

You deserved it 1 561

By smileytheface - 06/12/2011 03:54 - United States

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 688

You deserved it 7 160

Shush

By Nutty - 24/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 178

You deserved it 12 490

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 843

You deserved it 6 839

By sad-sexed - 06/09/2010 12:50 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 039

You deserved it 55 333

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 201

Date night

By JulleandCici - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 005

You deserved it 5 025

Motivation

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had a job interview today after being unemployed for months. I left early but a stranger's giant SUV had me blocked in for over 2 hours. I called to explain the situation in the hope that I would be given another interview slot later in the week. I was told I clearly didn’t want the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 193

By Annette - 22/09/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 256

You deserved it 2 077

By mrs14 - 11/09/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 440

You deserved it 31 133

By easilyexited - 01/04/2009 12:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 093

You deserved it 17 511

By Noname - 11/03/2009 07:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 635

You deserved it 3 592

By Beth - 13/04/2012 14:12 - Australia - Perth

Today, my fiancé's mother tried to arrange a marriage for him to a nice Indian girl, again. We've been engaged for a year, and the wedding is in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 2 341

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 14:03 - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 809

You deserved it 1 937

By Maryanne Swain - 12/08/2019 14:00

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 221

By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 108

You deserved it 5 859

By rejected - 23/12/2013 10:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 4 095

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 126

You deserved it 3 277

Trust

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 06:01

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 299

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 640

You deserved it 6 603

By TwinDad - 14/05/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 982

You deserved it 6 466

By Stung - 19/06/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 013

You deserved it 6 703

By lolographic24 - 13/02/2010 13:44 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 292

You deserved it 4 124

I'm a meme

By karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 387

By izzy_the_pessimist - 10/09/2018 18:30

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 095

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 12:56 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 381

You deserved it 4 450

Epic Boss Battle

By Anon - 04/01/2018 15:00

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 291

You deserved it 781

By BadassNinja - 05/09/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 778

You deserved it 50 972

By SKG95 - 22/08/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 120

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:08

At least you found it! It could have been worse...I could have stepped on it instead.

Clumsyblonde22 12

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:06

I've done that before. Really hurts!

Comments

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:05

Lucky.

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:39

haha at least it wasn't a rusty nail.

Lingonberry668 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:47

I love how u manage to write it in an interesting way and not exclamation point abt it all over the place it even tho it's so excruciatingly painful in reality!

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Friday 17 December 2010 2:24

You deserve it for having posters on the wall. Just kidding.

Falcon_My_Life 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 2:58

Ugghh sickness

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Friday 17 December 2010 3:19

YDI for owning a Zune

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Friday 17 December 2010 3:50

It depends on the type of poster OP has. If it's JB, then you fucking deserve it, if it's not then it's okay by me. I approve this comment.

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Friday 17 December 2010 4:34

wait Jonas brothers or justin beiber? I would assume both since they both suck cocks.

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Friday 17 December 2010 5:36

Your foot must work for the FBI.

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Friday 17 December 2010 10:01

it hardly even hurts. wash your foot and get over it

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Monday 20 December 2010 9:36

in response to 11coolio11, wtf?? Who said a damn thing about them having a Zune? Pay attention to the real world and actually READ the post, dumbass.

Clumsyblonde22 12

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:06

I've done that before. Really hurts!

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Friday 17 December 2010 3:24

Safety first, wear shoes in the house. Safety first, then teamwork.

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Friday 19 August 2011 3:51

same here. except it was my heel. even worse :/

Selena_is_back 7

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:08

Same thing happens to me with my little brother's Legos.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:28

Your little brother's legos fell out of his poster? Woahhhh.

Selena_is_back 7

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:46

No silly... I step on them accidentally and end up hurting myself. :P

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 17 December 2010 2:13

O no!

Selena_is_back 7

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Friday 17 December 2010 2:20

tragic right? :0

LolAtYourFail 12

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Friday 17 December 2010 3:18

Those thing hurt like HELL!

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Friday 17 December 2010 8:06

Troll, I strongly approve of your picture. It is beyond amazing.

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Friday 17 December 2010 8:21

I'd say lego pieces are worse than tacks. those damn things are soo pointy and sharp on the edges. I swear my knee's buckle every time i would step on one of those

generalasskicker 12

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Friday 17 December 2010 10:39

I iz be a troll your picture it's words that I can't corelate to make a sensible thought

Selena_is_back 7

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Friday 17 December 2010 12:43

44 & 81, they do indeed...

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:07

Holy... you're almost as hot as my girlfriend! I'll settle for you as a cheater thought... how about a nice blowjob? :D

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:08

At least you found it! It could have been worse...I could have stepped on it instead.

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:09

I love how your picture matches your comment xD

brewedintexas96 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 4:13

is that supposed to mean it makes no sense? ^

ThatGirlIsMe93 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 5:11

Lol his comment made sense and it was funny.

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Friday 17 December 2010 7:08

ya or me and your mom finding it on her back:)

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Friday 17 December 2010 8:08

Don't bring the mothers into this...

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Friday 17 December 2010 9:00

yo mama so fat, she makes snorlax jealous

xXDubbleChic 11

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Friday 17 December 2010 14:23

ur mama is so fat she has hard time moving (^not funny^) but it's true. it would have been a shame his he had stepped on it. ;P

unidentified_sta 5

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:10

Thank goodness you found it. Your foot did well, did you congratulate it?

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:58

maybe take it out to dinner? then take it back to your place and do stuff... stuff you only hear about on google? wait, what is this about again?

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:10

ouch! that sucks :(

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Saturday 18 December 2010 15:55

hahahaaahahahajahahahahdjd[email protected]3&28773779::'mmdmmm

xIBleedPurplex16 0

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Saturday 31 March 2012 5:54

Holy crap you're beautiful!:3

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:12

yay it's not lost! that was a close one.

andacondakiwi 11

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Friday 17 December 2010 2:16

Damn!

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:15

This is a pretty tacky fml.

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Friday 17 December 2010 4:05

ZING!

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:15

This is a pretty tacky fml.

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:20

done the same It sucks lug nuts

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 35

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 16

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 203