Miscellaneous: Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall.... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 335

You deserved it 3 950

The smell detective is on the case

There's no helping some people

Own it

By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 08/03/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 416

You deserved it 34 703

By brandon - 10/01/2011 17:04 - Canada

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 602

You deserved it 33 258

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 184

You deserved it 7 731

By Maria39018 - 01/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 281

You deserved it 13 628

By Anonymous - 14/11/2016 03:35

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 051

You deserved it 1 022

By Dr. Jack - 04/02/2009 13:54 - United States

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 181

You deserved it 2 187

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 16:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 200

You deserved it 12 308

By FUKDOUG - 15/01/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 575

You deserved it 28 334

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 719

You deserved it 2 646

By NoctisMax - 25/12/2016 06:47 - United States - Humble

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 444

You deserved it 2 375

By Bob - 14/04/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 888

You deserved it 4 653

By screwedwoman27 - 19/06/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 918

You deserved it 7 471

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 098

You deserved it 3 989

You can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, my parents still won't let me drive in the dark. I'm 30 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 827

You deserved it 40 995

Great first impression

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 10:57

Today, I finally spoke to a counsellor about my depression. As soon as the session started, I became so anxious that I could barely speak. Once the Zoom call was finished, I got the distinct impression that she thought I was mentally disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 103

By homedoggieo - 14/07/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 746

You deserved it 4 015

By uncbballwins - 27/04/2011 04:21

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 17 297

By lloydLO - 24/10/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 940

You deserved it 13 485

Fashion blogger

By Alyssa - 27/04/2020 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline and saw a picture of my friend in a ridiculous wig. I left a comment telling her how stupid the wig looked, but how great it was to have a friend with a sense of humour. She replied, telling me it wasn't a wig, it was her new hairstyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 1 879

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 042

You deserved it 58 784

By nobieb - 20/08/2013 16:28 - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 056

You deserved it 3 587

By gymgirl - 05/05/2011 13:47 - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 542

You deserved it 48 089

By paula434 - 05/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 493

You deserved it 4 009

That went well

By Gigi - 02/07/2021 13:59

Today, my now ex-fiancé walked out on me on our wedding day. He decided his best female friend, whom he constantly told me not to worry about while we were together, is his "soulmate." Both of them ran away together to god knows where, while I stood there humiliated in front of our family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 69

Leave Me Alone

By gordogs 25 - 04/04/2012 10:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 993

You deserved it 12 987

By IHateMyJob - 18/01/2009 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 396

You deserved it 2 040

By Oops - 26/09/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 7 802

By scoobses - 02/10/2015 00:45 - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 1 879

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 494

You deserved it 7 974

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 14:28 - Canada - Montr?al

Spicy

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 578

You deserved it 1 107

By greeenbean - 02/10/2009 10:41 - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 335

You deserved it 3 750

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 339

By stephiexbabexx - 15/01/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 794

You deserved it 39 369

By lululee53 - 31/12/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 256

You deserved it 49 552

Smart

By mother of a complete idiot - 16/03/2021 21:30

Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 801

Hurry up!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 02:02

Today, my wife told me not to rush her during packing for our upcoming move. She's lived in the house for 30 years and apparently needs to reminisce over every single item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 262

Impressive

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 08:01

Today, I had a big job interview on Zoom. I forgot my name was set as "Fat F***". I joined the call and the older lady interviewing me was very offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 354

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 030

You deserved it 75 775

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:51 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 803

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:08

At least you found it! It could have been worse...I could have stepped on it instead.

Clumsyblonde22 12

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:06

I've done that before. Really hurts!

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:05

Lucky.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:39

haha at least it wasn't a rusty nail.

Lingonberry668 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:47

I love how u manage to write it in an interesting way and not exclamation point abt it all over the place it even tho it's so excruciatingly painful in reality!

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 2:24

You deserve it for having posters on the wall. Just kidding.

Falcon_My_Life 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 2:58

Ugghh sickness

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 3:19

YDI for owning a Zune

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 3:50

It depends on the type of poster OP has. If it's JB, then you fucking deserve it, if it's not then it's okay by me. I approve this comment.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 4:34

wait Jonas brothers or justin beiber? I would assume both since they both suck cocks.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 5:36

Your foot must work for the FBI.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 10:01

it hardly even hurts. wash your foot and get over it

Send a private message

Monday 20 December 2010 9:36

in response to 11coolio11, wtf?? Who said a damn thing about them having a Zune? Pay attention to the real world and actually READ the post, dumbass.

Clumsyblonde22 12

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:06

I've done that before. Really hurts!

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 3:24

Safety first, wear shoes in the house. Safety first, then teamwork.

Send a private message

Friday 19 August 2011 3:51

same here. except it was my heel. even worse :/

Selena_is_back 7

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:08

Same thing happens to me with my little brother's Legos.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:28

Your little brother's legos fell out of his poster? Woahhhh.

Selena_is_back 7

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:46

No silly... I step on them accidentally and end up hurting myself. :P

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 2:13

O no!

Selena_is_back 7

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 2:20

tragic right? :0

LolAtYourFail 12

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 3:18

Those thing hurt like HELL!

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 8:06

Troll, I strongly approve of your picture. It is beyond amazing.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 8:21

I'd say lego pieces are worse than tacks. those damn things are soo pointy and sharp on the edges. I swear my knee's buckle every time i would step on one of those

generalasskicker 12

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 10:39

I iz be a troll your picture it's words that I can't corelate to make a sensible thought

Selena_is_back 7

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 12:43

44 & 81, they do indeed...

Sweej 1

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 1:07

Holy... you're almost as hot as my girlfriend! I'll settle for you as a cheater thought... how about a nice blowjob? :D

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:08

At least you found it! It could have been worse...I could have stepped on it instead.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:09

I love how your picture matches your comment xD

brewedintexas96 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 4:13

is that supposed to mean it makes no sense? ^

ThatGirlIsMe93 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 5:11

Lol his comment made sense and it was funny.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 7:08

ya or me and your mom finding it on her back:)

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 8:08

Don't bring the mothers into this...

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 9:00

yo mama so fat, she makes snorlax jealous

xXDubbleChic 11

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 14:23

ur mama is so fat she has hard time moving (^not funny^) but it's true. it would have been a shame his he had stepped on it. ;P

unidentified_sta 5

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:10

Thank goodness you found it. Your foot did well, did you congratulate it?

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:58

maybe take it out to dinner? then take it back to your place and do stuff... stuff you only hear about on google? wait, what is this about again?

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:10

ouch! that sucks :(

Send a private message

Saturday 18 December 2010 15:55

hahahaaahahahajahahahahdjd[email protected]3&28773779::'mmdmmm

xIBleedPurplex16 0

Send a private message

Saturday 31 March 2012 5:54

Holy crap you're beautiful!:3

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:12

yay it's not lost! that was a close one.

andacondakiwi 11

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 2:16

Damn!

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:15

This is a pretty tacky fml.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 4:05

ZING!

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:15

This is a pretty tacky fml.

Send a private message

Friday 17 December 2010 1:20

done the same It sucks lug nuts

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283