Transportation: Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I... - FML

By River - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18158

You deserved it

55740

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

There's no helping some people

Commando

By notquitejuliet - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25206

You deserved it

6640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53386

You deserved it

3445

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my boyfriend told me that if he was to break up with me, he would do it in a crowded location so I couldn't start to cry or make a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31112

You deserved it

5019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Big Lake

Today, I asked my grandmother to hem my prom dress for me. I'm her oldest granddaughter so I thought she'd be happy to do it. She said no. Her occupation is a seamstress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47170

You deserved it

7959

Tweet

Share

By oops - United States

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51228

You deserved it

8819

Tweet

Share

By EconM - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51094

You deserved it

5321

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

746

You deserved it

2169

Tweet

Share

By Sleepless

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15292

You deserved it

1148

Tweet

Share

By yuhan

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3781

You deserved it

486

Tweet

Share

By marcy_89

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1431

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By Trainer Calypso - United States - Schofield

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42897

You deserved it

4063

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33074

You deserved it

3419

Tweet

Share

By lashless - United States

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35036

You deserved it

7579

Tweet

Share

By Rosie - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36217

You deserved it

5215

Tweet

Share

By tye61 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23515

You deserved it

7793

Tweet

Share

By scubai - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33425

You deserved it

5662

Tweet

Share

By girlw/ablog - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1833

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By squishy - Canada

Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13910

You deserved it

51046

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1887

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By Snorlax - Australia - Sydney

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

53602

You deserved it

14683

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Criminal Minds

Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2526

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By jackie89 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57395

You deserved it

7425

Tweet

Share

By Z88 - South Africa

Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13833

You deserved it

43104

Tweet

Share

By thisrllysucks - United States

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49588

You deserved it

10610

Tweet

Share

By lilybelle11 - 3/11/2020 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

New quest

Today, it became apparent that my boyfriend only showers when he levels up on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

873

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By catgiraffegirl - United States

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39852

You deserved it

2928

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24932

You deserved it

7024

Tweet

Share

By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42133

You deserved it

16275

Tweet

Share

By blind_date - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51266

You deserved it

6334

Tweet

Share

By StrawberryJuicey - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10803

You deserved it

32182

Tweet

Share

By sly - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to come over and surprise me. When he got to my apartment and heard the shower running, he decided get in and join me. I was walking my dog, my mother is in town for the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46996

You deserved it

4436

Tweet

Share

By huj - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38992

You deserved it

4291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Singapore

Today, I was bragging about how I had lost 10 pounds. Grinning, I pulled my shirt up and tried to show how big my jeans were on me. Instead, the button flew off my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10818

You deserved it

30150

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By seriously though - United States - Littleton

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54781

You deserved it

3556

Tweet

Share

By Señor Guapo - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31635

You deserved it

45327

Tweet

Share

By nolove - Australia

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37387

You deserved it

3638

Tweet

Share

By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35550

You deserved it

2207

Tweet

Share

By fuckmyjob - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45910

You deserved it

10128

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24845

You deserved it

2050

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By arms_akimbo | 0

#7901 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:04

learn to drive!

By Heidi_fml | 0

#7937 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:27

You're an idiot. It's perfectly legal to continue on if you saw the light TURN yellow especially.
The cop probably didn't give a fuck. And you're the kind of person that I want to run over when I drive.

Plus, *I* am a female. I can drive, thank you very much.

COMMENTS

By littlkj5 | 0

#7899 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:02

I did the same thing except going in reverse when the light turned green.

Reply

tomahawkinyouall | 0

#926240 - Monday 8 March 2010 22:18

ummm u deserve it for being a terrribleeeee driver

Reply

NatDancer2010 | 0

#998367 - Thursday 20 May 2010 3:37

embarassing

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1022301 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:06

this is only a FML if the cop pulled you over, if not then it would be a good thing.

Reply

Wederoney | 16

#3928249 - Monday 23 January 2012 8:51

Dumbass

Reply

MRosellini | 2

#4403835 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 0:25

Your an idiot.

Reply

Swift4Life | 13

#5743150 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 12:48

*You're

By arms_akimbo | 0

#7901 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:04

learn to drive!

By Betty7 | 0

#7905 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:04

I sure hope there wasn't anybody behind you...

By snapperturtle | 0

#7911 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:07

Idiot.

By King_of_Kings | 3

#7926 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:18

that's funny!

By davidtheday | 0

#7931 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:21

I believe George Carlin did a skit like this once...

By Heidi_fml | 0

#7937 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:27

You're an idiot. It's perfectly legal to continue on if you saw the light TURN yellow especially.
The cop probably didn't give a fuck. And you're the kind of person that I want to run over when I drive.

Plus, *I* am a female. I can drive, thank you very much.

Reply

corocoro | 30

#5630155 - Friday 16 August 2013 12:27

Not to mention that if she had run the light, stopping in the middle of the intersection to reverse would've been the worst course of action.

Reply

Lackingman | 8

#6555981 - Thursday 10 March 2016 2:49

First don't say you are going to run over someone for being stupid, and who gives a flying rats ass that you are able to drive just fine? Does them being stupid justify your response? NO! And don't say that I am saying this because you are a woman because I am a feminist.

By suckerz | 0

#7961 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:43

why would you panic??? as long as it's yellow you can still pass... and even if it's close you even SHOULD keep driving cuz if you hit the brakes like that it's even more dangerous...

By Tri_fml | 5

#7976 - Thursday 26 February 2009 21:03

Jesus. Seriously uncool, driving tests need to be much stricter imo.

By skallagrim | 0

#8003 - Thursday 26 February 2009 21:27

Heh... I know how you feel. Years ago I managed to reverse through my closed garage door. It'll get easier as you get more confident at driving, though. And at least you've got a story to tell!