Transportation: Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I... - FML

By River - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

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Weird reason to leave, but OK

Coherence dude, do you have it?

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

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By loser doctor - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

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By Nazi-chef - United States - Tucson

No mash for you

Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML

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By Loose Goose

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

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By continuouslyaddingdebt

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

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By still had to pay - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

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By jace17 - United States

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Public Freakout

Today, my partner was driving. We were coming up to a sharp bend up a hill when suddenly a girl and a boy came speeding down the hill on a scooter. My partner stopped well before, but they fell off the kerb. We got out to check they were OK. The girl blamed us and kicked me in the balls. FML

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By Winchesterlover - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

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By Rebecca Palermo - 14/12/2020 11:03

Beggars can be choosers

Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

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By Preggo

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

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By sillybrohos - United States

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

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By rockstarohyeah - United States

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

It's alive!

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

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By SoDamnBroke - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Sounds like a keeper

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

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By forewhatnow - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

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By knepmj - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

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By rmo1776 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

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By sel2207 - France

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

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By LaLa - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

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By wtf1234 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a picnic. After we finished eating he laid down, closed his eyes, and put his head in my lap. At the exact second that I bent down to kiss him, he jumped up to get the Frisbee. We both have bloody noses. FML

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By sickatwokr - Australia

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

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By misterhippo - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

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By crybaby - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

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By nkotz - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

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By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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By Alyssa - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

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By overthehorizon - United States

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

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By wetbutt - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

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By blabla - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

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By ladylol - United Kingdom - Towcester

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

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By tomchuq - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

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By T_Willl

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend's car broke down on the way to the gym, so he called his dad to give us a ride. On the way, his dad talked about how much he hates me and our relationship, as if I wasn’t sitting in the back seat directly behind them. FML

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Top comments

By arms_akimbo | 0

#7901 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:04

learn to drive!

By Heidi_fml | 0

#7937 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:27

You're an idiot. It's perfectly legal to continue on if you saw the light TURN yellow especially.
The cop probably didn't give a fuck. And you're the kind of person that I want to run over when I drive.

Plus, *I* am a female. I can drive, thank you very much.

COMMENTS

By littlkj5 | 0

#7899 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:02

I did the same thing except going in reverse when the light turned green.

Reply

tomahawkinyouall | 0

#926240 - Monday 8 March 2010 22:18

ummm u deserve it for being a terrribleeeee driver

Reply

NatDancer2010 | 0

#998367 - Thursday 20 May 2010 3:37

embarassing

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1022301 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:06

this is only a FML if the cop pulled you over, if not then it would be a good thing.

Reply

Wederoney | 16

#3928249 - Monday 23 January 2012 8:51

Dumbass

Reply

MRosellini | 2

#4403835 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 0:25

Your an idiot.

Reply

Swift4Life | 13

#5743150 - Tuesday 5 November 2013 12:48

*You're

By arms_akimbo | 0

#7901 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:04

learn to drive!

By Betty7 | 0

#7905 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:04

I sure hope there wasn't anybody behind you...

By snapperturtle | 0

#7911 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:07

Idiot.

By King_of_Kings | 3

#7926 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:18

that's funny!

By davidtheday | 0

#7931 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:21

I believe George Carlin did a skit like this once...

By Heidi_fml | 0

#7937 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:27

You're an idiot. It's perfectly legal to continue on if you saw the light TURN yellow especially.
The cop probably didn't give a fuck. And you're the kind of person that I want to run over when I drive.

Plus, *I* am a female. I can drive, thank you very much.

Reply

corocoro | 30

#5630155 - Friday 16 August 2013 12:27

Not to mention that if she had run the light, stopping in the middle of the intersection to reverse would've been the worst course of action.

Reply

Lackingman | 8

#6555981 - Thursday 10 March 2016 2:49

First don't say you are going to run over someone for being stupid, and who gives a flying rats ass that you are able to drive just fine? Does them being stupid justify your response? NO! And don't say that I am saying this because you are a woman because I am a feminist.

By suckerz | 0

#7961 - Thursday 26 February 2009 20:43

why would you panic??? as long as it's yellow you can still pass... and even if it's close you even SHOULD keep driving cuz if you hit the brakes like that it's even more dangerous...

By Tri_fml | 5

#7976 - Thursday 26 February 2009 21:03

Jesus. Seriously uncool, driving tests need to be much stricter imo.

By skallagrim | 0

#8003 - Thursday 26 February 2009 21:27

Heh... I know how you feel. Years ago I managed to reverse through my closed garage door. It'll get easier as you get more confident at driving, though. And at least you've got a story to tell!