Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly...

By squeezable - United States

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

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44296

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Transportation

Season finale

Forever the bridesmaid

Join in the fun

By Cat lover

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4406

You deserved it

950

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By chase - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

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29106

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By spitt - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

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28352

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By Kitten

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3263

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36209

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By cek4uytp - United States

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

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44630

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By Zaak

Ouch.

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4478

You deserved it

6414

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1745

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228

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By stargate25 - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27860

You deserved it

11554

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By shawty - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks

51908

You deserved it

6404

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By OweLotsaMoney - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47506

You deserved it

12191

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68434

You deserved it

4236

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37468

You deserved it

2564

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By errints234234 - United States

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9652

You deserved it

47288

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By chickenshit4 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13118

Phew, glad it wasn't me

3024

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 23:00

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1301

You deserved it

495

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By LukesSkyWalker - United States

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24576

You deserved it

3004

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By mathesonn - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45486

You deserved it

7240

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29589

You deserved it

2085

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By bearded lady - 8/6/2020 14:03

Can't face it

Today, thanks to all my medications, I've been growing thick, dark hair on my face. I decided to use hair removal cream instead of shaving. The cream removed every trace of hair, but also made my skin about 4 times lighter than the rest of my face. It's even more noticeable than the beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

203

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30025

You deserved it

7169

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30690

You deserved it

7760

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By FMyCountry

Today, during a football match, the referee declared a goal as invalid. The dad of the kid who scored didn't agree, which led to an all-out fight among all the kids' parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2521

You deserved it

209

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

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17071

You deserved it

1184

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28026

You deserved it

3231

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10679

You deserved it

44346

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By Anonymous

First dates suck

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1420

You deserved it

216

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By mellbelle32 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43055

You deserved it

3471

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By ugh - United States - Antioch

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39124

You deserved it

3531

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By Emily - Canada - Baden

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

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25727

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3267

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11928

You deserved it

3611

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By maxthomkell - United States

Today, my AP government teacher moved our seats and of course, I was seated next to my ex who has harassed me ever since our breakup. When I asked the teacher after class if I could please have a seat change, she told me I would have to write a 3-page essay on why I made the request. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12457

You deserved it

967

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By cbolig

Today, while on a first date with a guy who turned out to be twice my age, we were playing video games at the theatre before the movie started. Suddenly he falls face first while having a seizure. The EMT asked if my "dad" had a history of epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22289

You deserved it

31686

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By irishbabycakes - United States

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33187

You deserved it

5928

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By lance - Canada

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24204

You deserved it

2451

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By anonymus - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31088

You deserved it

2208

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By Sarah - United States - Pipersville

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37737

You deserved it

2787

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By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29390

You deserved it

2133

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By Anonymous

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1234

You deserved it

4743

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By Lola - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

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27410

You deserved it

18836

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Top comments

By Doorhandle57 | 0

#321864 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:17

Hahaha what a cute little girl!

By LLBH | 0

#321873 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:18

LMAOOO ahaha
maybe she was wondering wat they felt like ?:S

COMMENTS

By 1bored | 0

#321852 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:15

Jaja lmfao thats hilarious

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#2639023 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 22:07

jaja?

jbloogle | 10

#4140946 - Friday 9 March 2012 15:51

Hispanics say that instead of saying haha

By IceCream53423 | 0

#321859 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:16

Don't hug strangers? Still that's tiny

kaprookie | 3

#1844776 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 21:30

Yeah OP thats not a comforting thing, its a felony

By Doorhandle57 | 0

#321864 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:17

Hahaha what a cute little girl!

rubyliu8420 | 7

#4877400 - Thursday 30 August 2012 19:40

Is your name door handle cuz everyone gets a turn?

By LLBH | 0

#321873 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:18

LMAOOO ahaha
maybe she was wondering wat they felt like ?:S

By ghostmanonfirst | 0

#321911 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:24

if you didn't have them, no fml. therefore, ydi.

fuzzybrownbear | 0

#322527 - Saturday 20 June 2009 3:01

That is a bad reason to say for YDI

armageddillo | 0

#330737 - Monday 22 June 2009 19:05

agreed, not everyone is in perfect shape, terrible YDI reason.

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#2639034 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 22:09

don't feed the trolls.

By exile529 | 0

#321912 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:24

hahah, kids are funny =)

By famouslove | 0

#321914 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:25

ROFL. :)

By KumoFF7 | 3

#321917 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:25

LMAO

By ncochrum | 0

#321918 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:25

It's probably something her parents to do her to make her laugh

By redbluegreen | 40

#321920 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:26

Someone's gonna have troubles gettin' some when they're older.