Kids: Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey,...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

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Kids

Business school of business school

Better out than in

Work sucks, I know

By Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

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By sadguyme - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

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By Tancred - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

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By lol - 28/10/2020 09:57

Waze?

Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

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By GrandmasWhore - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

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By TKPhai - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

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By Michelle - New Zealand

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash a KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

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By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

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By AmericanAlien - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I've been waiting for a very important document in the mail. It has been two months. I reviewed my application and realized I forgot to put a mailing address down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

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By rejected - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

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By cloud7

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

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By Confused and Disgusted - United States - Sparta

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

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By SmallTownCutie

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

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By unifail - Canada

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

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By SoVeryMonday - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

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By lyinginbed - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

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By S to the HIT - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

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By stainseverywhere - United States

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

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By gali-ma - Australia

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

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By sillystring - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

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By lonleystoner91 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

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By jessica238 - Canada

Today, I bought a new purple shirt and decided to wear it to this charity function I was going to. I thought I looked pretty good in it. Then I got home and realized I left the sticker on. I had an "XL" sticker on my boob all night. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Doncaster

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

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By snowbum69 - United States - Meridian

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

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By :^( - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

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By Sundendako - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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By sigh - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

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By AbsentMindedBoy - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

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By thatgirl34 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

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By MaudlinMasters - 5/1/2021 02:01

Things can only get better

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

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By honeymoonisover - United States

Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML

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By coffee girl - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

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By need2eat - United States

Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

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Top comments

By plethora | 3

#205637 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:19

"You smell funny" in kidspeak does not necessarily mean "You have BO". It could mean "I don't like your perfume".

By 24788 | 6

#205577 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:54

Kids are brutally honest.

COMMENTS

By turtlellama | 0

#205548 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:47

Haha, so maybe you should carry around some perfume or something?

chaos753159 | 4

#795030 - Sunday 24 January 2010 7:16

or mabye you should just bathe? If not then perfum works

eddles | 0

#923861 - Monday 8 March 2010 4:04

watd u smell like, maybe u ate sompin tht smells bad or sompin like onins

ximeldax | 0

#2810263 - Sunday 3 July 2011 3:04

^i would thumbs up.. if i knew what you were saying.

koolkat27 | 13

#3869820 - Thursday 12 January 2012 4:54

maybe op was just wearing funny smelling perfume...

By triscuit | 0

#205549 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:47

lol, wow I'm sorry. Please go buy new soap, shampoo, and conditioner.

breenarae25 | 0

#1484565 - Saturday 2 October 2010 7:43

no offense but u are kinda ugly, ( my friends agreed with me too)

Charlotteeexx | 0

#1604034 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 2:05

no offence but you're kind of a bitch (and everyone agrees with me)

SadinSherman | 16

#3222888 - Friday 2 September 2011 15:09

Just because a little girl said she smelled funny,all she needs is soap,water,and deodorant

By Jennika | 0

#205559 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:50

lame :P

By GhettoToaster | 0

#205563 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:51

maybe you should invest in some perfume?

ilikepie789 | 0

#855093 - Sunday 14 February 2010 18:46

wow invest is a fancy word for a ghetto toaster

By dino_witha_cape | 0

#205564 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:51

you know you smell when a 5 year old that probably plays in dirt and pees their pants thinks you smell bad.

By acertijo | 0

#205565 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:52

hahahahaha you smelled funny :|

By 24788 | 6

#205577 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:54

Kids are brutally honest.

RayMo_fml | 1

#2728007 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 6:22

so are your abs, my friend .

By Duckie101 | 0

#205590 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:01

Bad oral hygien?

By ztc14gk | 0

#205591 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:01

Problem: "You smell funny"

Solution: Wear a nice little thing called deodorant

By isantorin | 0

#205598 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:04

perfume > deodorant, #9. :P