Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey,...

By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

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Kids

Family values

Toxic parents

Basic Instinct

By betrayed - 16/7/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

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By imfucked - 26/7/2019 14:00

Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML

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By calamity janet - 14/11/2018 22:00

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

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By baybuh - 30/12/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2015 15:08 - Denmark

Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

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By thermos - 3/2/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

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By RickTooBomb - 5/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

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By Sick - 24/2/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

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By Fox_Undercover - 30/4/2016 20:33 - United States - Wareham

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

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By Vlad - 24/12/2018 14:00

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

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By Person in Alaska with a Ferret - 4/3/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

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By seththing - 22/5/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

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By Trainwreck - 13/12/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

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By Girl - 17/3/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

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By nomorefreehugs - 27/6/2011 23:34 - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

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By horriblejoke - 10/10/2012 15:05 - Australia - Perth

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

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By ragsy - 14/8/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

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By tanksfan - 5/1/2010 05:55 - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than 2 years, I decided to quit. I come home from work and I see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

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By GoldenSteve - 5/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

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By dudewheresmywheelschicago - 20/9/2016 05:14 - United States - Danville

Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2015 08:55 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend she's too good for me, then asking if she wants to settle for someone like me. FML

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By minime94 - 15/11/2012 06:35 - United States - Sunset

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

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By mykodu - 2/10/2014 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

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By It'd be nice to see you too. - 9/6/2014 02:17 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

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By Soline - 8/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

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By StickyWicket - 14/5/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

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By ElevatorThug - 25/8/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

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By kinkyapparently - 22/10/2015 14:47 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

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By mute - 16/4/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 08:00

Lemon or haunted?

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

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By Pavlov Dog - 3/2/2018 19:00

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

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By bee - 23/12/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

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By cumbucket cops - 16/3/2014 17:53 - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

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By Cake Dreams - 8/10/2018 22:15

Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML

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By notsosexy - 18/7/2020 08:01

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

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Top comments

By plethora | 3

#205637 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:19

"You smell funny" in kidspeak does not necessarily mean "You have BO". It could mean "I don't like your perfume".

By 24788 | 6

#205577 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:54

Kids are brutally honest.

COMMENTS

By turtlellama | 0

#205548 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:47

Haha, so maybe you should carry around some perfume or something?

chaos753159 | 4

#795030 - Sunday 24 January 2010 7:16

or mabye you should just bathe? If not then perfum works

eddles | 0

#923861 - Monday 8 March 2010 4:04

watd u smell like, maybe u ate sompin tht smells bad or sompin like onins

ximeldax | 0

#2810263 - Sunday 3 July 2011 3:04

^i would thumbs up.. if i knew what you were saying.

koolkat27 | 13

#3869820 - Thursday 12 January 2012 4:54

maybe op was just wearing funny smelling perfume...

By triscuit | 0

#205549 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:47

lol, wow I'm sorry. Please go buy new soap, shampoo, and conditioner.

breenarae25 | 0

#1484565 - Saturday 2 October 2010 7:43

no offense but u are kinda ugly, ( my friends agreed with me too)

Charlotteeexx | 0

#1604034 - Tuesday 26 October 2010 2:05

no offence but you're kind of a bitch (and everyone agrees with me)

SadinSherman | 16

#3222888 - Friday 2 September 2011 15:09

Just because a little girl said she smelled funny,all she needs is soap,water,and deodorant

By Jennika | 0

#205559 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:50

lame :P

By GhettoToaster | 0

#205563 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:51

maybe you should invest in some perfume?

ilikepie789 | 0

#855093 - Sunday 14 February 2010 18:46

wow invest is a fancy word for a ghetto toaster

By dino_witha_cape | 0

#205564 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:51

you know you smell when a 5 year old that probably plays in dirt and pees their pants thinks you smell bad.

By acertijo | 0

#205565 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:52

hahahahaha you smelled funny :|

By 24788 | 6

#205577 - Sunday 17 May 2009 9:54

Kids are brutally honest.

RayMo_fml | 1

#2728007 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 6:22

so are your abs, my friend .

By Duckie101 | 0

#205590 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:01

Bad oral hygien?

By ztc14gk | 0

#205591 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:01

Problem: "You smell funny"

Solution: Wear a nice little thing called deodorant

By isantorin | 0

#205598 - Sunday 17 May 2009 10:04

perfume > deodorant, #9. :P