Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about... - FML

By jonchavez - 29/5/2014 23:46 - United States - Trenton

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

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Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

A beautiful truck decoration

Not a cheating!

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 17:20 - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

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By LifeSucks - 17/11/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

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By in love with an idiot - 20/11/2016 11:47 - Angola - Luanda

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2014 16:06 - Belgium - Poperinge

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

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By SK8WITME - 12/2/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

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By whenlifeisalemon - 9/1/2016 23:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

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By PhantomKitty - 21/10/2016 03:07 - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I called in about a job application I put in over a week ago. Apparently, the branch of the company that I applied to was never given my information, and the position was filled days ago. I've been checking the status of the position online daily, and it still says that it's open. FML

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By Lolabunny - 21/8/2018 04:00 - United States - Anaheim

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

And you like him why exactly?

Today, the guy I like happened to be munching on biscuits while he was talking to me. The biscuit crumbs were literally falling out of his mouth like a waterfall as he was speaking and munching. The crumbs were landing in my hair. FML

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By bonedregardless - 15/9/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

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By 27musiclover - 16/8/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

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By unluckylassy - 28/11/2013 00:01 - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By - 26/3/2019 00:00

Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2012 05:31 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2015 14:21 - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2012 04:07 - United States - Apache Junction

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

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By tiffany - 18/9/2012 18:24 - Canada

Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

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By blonde - 29/9/2010 07:08 - Australia

Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

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By zenithbelana - 10/1/2010 07:01 - United States

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

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By SkyDiver - 20/5/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

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By marlow - 15/1/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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By copenhagen20 - 5/3/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

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By andrew - 4/4/2018 06:00

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

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By Leslie - 30/12/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

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By Darth Binks - 1/2/2015 18:48 - Canada

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

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By Anyonehiring - 28/6/2016 01:05 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 00:38 - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:50 - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

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By DeepFriedZombie - 9/8/2016 00:18

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2016 02:17 - United States - High Springs

Today, while working as a highway patrol officer, I pulled over my girlfriend for speeding and was required by law to ticket her. Another officer was with me, so I couldn't not ticket her without being reported. We share a joint account, so I basically ticketed myself. FML

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By Klamp18 - 20/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

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By elijahrobrt - 7/1/2012 06:48 - United States

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

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By blizzard_of_77 - 8/4/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

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By mike h - 10/8/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

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Top comments

By lex1459 | 38

#5960448 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:36

Hey, loom on the bright side! To her you're probably like her hero

By energizerbunny23 | 18

#5960445 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:34

Sounds like a good story to tell friends, could be a funny story if you ever end up dating

COMMENTS

By stretchedthin | 20

#5960442 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:33

Bummer

Reply

AlaskanG | 27

#5960447 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:35

If you're going to rush to be first comment, at least make it more than one word.

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5960450 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:37

Thank you so much for this comment #1, it adds so much to the emotion of this FML.

Reply

J3R3MYY | 14

#5960468 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:40

I think you're supposed to add sarcasm in brackets or something #10, some people can't seem to grasp the concept.

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5960470 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:42

(Sarcasm)

By AlaskanG | 27

#5960444 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:34

At least she was ok, I'm assuming.

Reply

Demig0d6 | 14

#5960471 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:43

But after the encounter, ops relationship with the parents became a slipper slope

Reply

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5960518 - Friday 30 May 2014 10:11

I realize that 25 was trying to make a pun, but parents usually like it when you make that much of an effort to take care of their child.

Reply

krazymeatball77 | 7

#5962244 - Sunday 1 June 2014 9:00

Consider yourself lucky man. Not many people get the chance to be a hero to a girl like that. I hope you took off your shirt and wrapped it around the wound.

By energizerbunny23 | 18

#5960445 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:34

Sounds like a good story to tell friends, could be a funny story if you ever end up dating

Reply

subiedude08 | 17

#5960553 - Friday 30 May 2014 10:53

So what the plan for a 2nd date?

Reply

winter_under_ice | 18

#5960714 - Friday 30 May 2014 17:13

#4, that's what I was thinking. It makes a pretty good first date story.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5960798 - Friday 30 May 2014 20:03

Next time, on "How I met your mother"...

By mainergirl90 | 4

#5960446 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:35

"that whom"?

By lex1459 | 38

#5960448 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:36

Hey, loom on the bright side! To her you're probably like her hero

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5960457 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:39

*look

Reply

Roskosity | 22

#5960559 - Friday 30 May 2014 11:23

I agree. And what a cool date! Aside from the injury.

Reply

zbursach | 7

#5960787 - Friday 30 May 2014 19:50

her correction got more thumbs up than most if the other comments... haha

By stryder9090 | 28

#5960449 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:36

sucks, but maybe she'll see that you're a nice guy and it could lead to more dates, possibly back to the hot springs

Reply

morella_xx | 29

#5960514 - Friday 30 May 2014 9:54

Exactly! Once her shin is healed up, you should ask for a do-over date. Unless you spent that mile walk back telling her she'd be easier to carry if she wasn't so fat, she's practically guaranteed to say yes.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5960579 - Friday 30 May 2014 12:20

Hey, if someone carried me a mile back to bring me to the hospital I would think that's pretty sweet, but that's just me

Reply

fortune789 | 17

#5960605 - Friday 30 May 2014 13:41

Yeah, that's totally irrational. Why would I carry my date a mile just over a cut shin? She should have checked herself before she wrecked herself.

Reply

EdenCrystal | 21

#5960667 - Friday 30 May 2014 15:46

It may be more then just a cut shin. A lot is lost within the 300 character limit and OP may be understating it. She probably had a gash on her leg if she had to go to the ER.

Reply

SammyS2012 | 21

#5960682 - Friday 30 May 2014 16:32

"she cut her shin open". to me, that seems like the wound was pretty bad. she probably needed stitches

By abzray123 | 7

#5960452 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:37

Great first impression :)

By J3R3MYY | 14

#5960453 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:37

Hey, you're taking care of their daughter OP. Parents love that shit.

By Pstraka6 | 20

#5960454 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:38

That sounds awful, but you're sure to win some points with her parents and her by taking care of her. Look for the positive out of that situation!

By AlaskanG | 27

#5960455 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:38

Did you seriously just use the same comment on 2 FMLs in a row?