Love: Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about... - FML

By jonchavez - United States - Trenton

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

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Late term

I'll get right on it, chief

Assumption Day

By notyourmom - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

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By hollysofly - United States

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

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By jimbop - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

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By MorganRox26 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

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By Willow McGarrigle - 4/6/2020 23:00

Manipulation

Today, my ex, who I only dated for 3 months, told me the only reason why he dated me was because he thought my sister was hot, and he just wanted to get closer to her. So thank you for that. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Thanks mom

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

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By Randolph - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

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By AM

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

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By facepalm

Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML

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By alltern8ive - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

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By WTF? - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

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By shockedgirl - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By sleepy125 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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By Sick - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

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By matou - France - Caluire

Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By arrrrggggghhhh - United States

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

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By NoNaMe - Australia

Today, while walking down the street, a homeless man walked up to me. He opened his mouth to say something and I immediately said that I didn't have any spare change because I was late for work. He then said "I was gonna ask you for the time, dickwad". Apparently he wasn't homeless. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 14:00

Hard to bare

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

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By mother to an ugly doll - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

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By TooFlamingHot - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Blain

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

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By gymgirl - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

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By yosmurf

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson and their corresponding bills. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

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By alison89430 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

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By SeeTony - United States

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

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By lovingthis - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

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By sadgirl - Netherlands

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

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By lmastr64 - France

Today, I sit here in agonizing pain because of a scoliosis surgery. I have a bunch of painkillers that I need to suppress this incredible back pain. Looks like I can't take any. My mom has hidden them from me because she THINKS I need to be taken off them. I wish my doctor were here. FML

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By brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

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By Mdrk783 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

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By xxxkkxxx - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By Foodcomesfirst - United Kingdom

Brotherly love

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

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Top comments

By lex1459 | 38

#5960448 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:36

Hey, loom on the bright side! To her you're probably like her hero

By energizerbunny23 | 18

#5960445 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:34

Sounds like a good story to tell friends, could be a funny story if you ever end up dating

COMMENTS

By stretchedthin | 20

#5960442 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:33

Bummer

Reply

AlaskanG | 27

#5960447 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:35

If you're going to rush to be first comment, at least make it more than one word.

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5960450 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:37

Thank you so much for this comment #1, it adds so much to the emotion of this FML.

Reply

J3R3MYY | 14

#5960468 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:40

I think you're supposed to add sarcasm in brackets or something #10, some people can't seem to grasp the concept.

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5960470 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:42

(Sarcasm)

By AlaskanG | 27

#5960444 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:34

At least she was ok, I'm assuming.

Reply

Demig0d6 | 14

#5960471 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:43

But after the encounter, ops relationship with the parents became a slipper slope

Reply

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5960518 - Friday 30 May 2014 10:11

I realize that 25 was trying to make a pun, but parents usually like it when you make that much of an effort to take care of their child.

Reply

krazymeatball77 | 7

#5962244 - Sunday 1 June 2014 9:00

Consider yourself lucky man. Not many people get the chance to be a hero to a girl like that. I hope you took off your shirt and wrapped it around the wound.

By energizerbunny23 | 18

#5960445 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:34

Sounds like a good story to tell friends, could be a funny story if you ever end up dating

Reply

subiedude08 | 17

#5960553 - Friday 30 May 2014 10:53

So what the plan for a 2nd date?

Reply

winter_under_ice | 18

#5960714 - Friday 30 May 2014 17:13

#4, that's what I was thinking. It makes a pretty good first date story.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5960798 - Friday 30 May 2014 20:03

Next time, on "How I met your mother"...

By mainergirl90 | 4

#5960446 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:35

"that whom"?

By lex1459 | 38

#5960448 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:36

Hey, loom on the bright side! To her you're probably like her hero

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5960457 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:39

*look

Reply

Roskosity | 22

#5960559 - Friday 30 May 2014 11:23

I agree. And what a cool date! Aside from the injury.

Reply

zbursach | 7

#5960787 - Friday 30 May 2014 19:50

her correction got more thumbs up than most if the other comments... haha

By stryder9090 | 28

#5960449 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:36

sucks, but maybe she'll see that you're a nice guy and it could lead to more dates, possibly back to the hot springs

Reply

morella_xx | 29

#5960514 - Friday 30 May 2014 9:54

Exactly! Once her shin is healed up, you should ask for a do-over date. Unless you spent that mile walk back telling her she'd be easier to carry if she wasn't so fat, she's practically guaranteed to say yes.

Reply

rocker_chick105 | 31

#5960579 - Friday 30 May 2014 12:20

Hey, if someone carried me a mile back to bring me to the hospital I would think that's pretty sweet, but that's just me

Reply

fortune789 | 17

#5960605 - Friday 30 May 2014 13:41

Yeah, that's totally irrational. Why would I carry my date a mile just over a cut shin? She should have checked herself before she wrecked herself.

Reply

EdenCrystal | 21

#5960667 - Friday 30 May 2014 15:46

It may be more then just a cut shin. A lot is lost within the 300 character limit and OP may be understating it. She probably had a gash on her leg if she had to go to the ER.

Reply

SammyS2012 | 21

#5960682 - Friday 30 May 2014 16:32

"she cut her shin open". to me, that seems like the wound was pretty bad. she probably needed stitches

By abzray123 | 7

#5960452 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:37

Great first impression :)

By J3R3MYY | 14

#5960453 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:37

Hey, you're taking care of their daughter OP. Parents love that shit.

By Pstraka6 | 20

#5960454 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:38

That sounds awful, but you're sure to win some points with her parents and her by taking care of her. Look for the positive out of that situation!

By AlaskanG | 27

#5960455 - Friday 30 May 2014 8:38

Did you seriously just use the same comment on 2 FMLs in a row?