Work: Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me...

By goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt - 07/09/2013 21:43 - United States - Midlothian

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 096

You deserved it 3 871

Work

Sorry…

Mean Girls

Spook Magook

What the…?

By lordoftheweird - 29/07/2021 10:59

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:01

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 2 903

By Shoe - 27/02/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 39 803

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 09:22 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 272

You deserved it 5 809

By Barrel - 05/02/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 594

You deserved it 9 016

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 4 673

By milf - 06/08/2012 01:10 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 119

You deserved it 5 218

Consent

By jon - 31/08/2012 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 615

You deserved it 18 009

Who'd want that?

By ... - 14/04/2021 17:00

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 234

You deserved it 4 923

The wrong sort of lock in

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 09:59 - South Africa

Today, I gave my 10-month-old the house keys to keep her busy. I locked the burglar gate and left the door open. She can walk, and she threw the keys outside the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 1 217

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 817

You deserved it 5 067

By Boo - 16/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 450

You deserved it 377

By ouch - 12/07/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 071

You deserved it 4 749

By greattt - 10/02/2009 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 125

You deserved it 3 838

Protip

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 18:03

Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 91

By fatface - 13/04/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 052

You deserved it 3 755

Fake plates

By Blake - 02/11/2021 03:59 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I received a traffic ticket by mail, presumably for speeding. Not a big deal, if my car hadn't been totalled three months ago. My driver's license is expired, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 101

By secretninja64 - 21/08/2014 03:47 - United States - Saint Francis

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 4 857

By Anonymous - 29/04/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 334

You deserved it 3 754

By anonymous - 19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 951

You deserved it 7 355

Roommates from hell

By WTF - 30/12/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 963

You deserved it 6 532

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 16:29 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 11 101

By la poisse - 19/11/2008 05:59 - France

Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 964

You deserved it 3 489

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 17:03 - United States - Gladewater

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 072

You deserved it 6 388

By Sissyleemae - 16/09/2018 14:30

Today, I got fired from my job for stopping a shoplifter. Where's the logic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 317

By tstaeger - 24/07/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 403

You deserved it 37 746

It's not me, it's you

By notjustfat - 20/04/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 597

You deserved it 2 312

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 382

You deserved it 3 498

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 421

You deserved it 5 572

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 03:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 936

You deserved it 1 976

By kfoehslfns - 01/08/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 360

You deserved it 12 681

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 178

By KilteDKilleR - 15/10/2011 14:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 623

You deserved it 3 119

By Anonymous - 17/12/2018 13:30

Today, I have a busy week scheduled at work, so I took my file home to smash out some reports. Naturally I did not do any work at home and then I also forgot to take the file back to work the next day. Instead of saving time, I wasted an hour driving home to collect it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 2 062

By Arlbethere - 25/02/2011 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 264

You deserved it 8 617

Kinky.

By GnatEater - 07/09/2018 15:00

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 770

By Noname - 28/02/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 401

You deserved it 19 279

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 23:30 - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 202

You deserved it 2 178

Pull!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 11:01

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 76

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Top comments

cosicosei 22

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:38

That sounds like a rule I'd love!

lolita88_fml 27

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:42

Ignore her and move on. There is no case there so let her sue, she'll be laughed out of the courtroom and hopefully fined for wasting time.

cosicosei 22

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:38

That sounds like a rule I'd love!

CheeseTron 15

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Sunday 8 September 2013 3:22

tell her to go shove a frappuchino up her vag. then call her a psycho cunt to top it off.

iAlissa 34

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Sunday 8 September 2013 3:31

What the fuck 29

SumBur 11

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Sunday 8 September 2013 3:35

Joke on the username. Quite clever.

NeatNit 32

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Sunday 8 September 2013 6:05

Clever, no. Funny? Evidently yes.

CanadiAnM8 24

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Sunday 8 September 2013 7:07

I'd put a laxitive in her drink. And close the bathrooms. And then steal her car keys. Then make her clean her own shit.

laughtersplay 14

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:18

I mean you can't fix stupid but by the look of some of these FMLs, there's a widespread outbreak of stupidity that seems to be happening.

Little4Bear 10

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Sunday 8 September 2013 19:58

I like the way you think 77. Then OP could tell her illegal dumping is prohibited.

thomcmoore 23

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:40

Give her the wrong drink

GTAmax99 12

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Sunday 8 September 2013 3:51

Yes…"drink".

confusedAsFuck 34

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Sunday 8 September 2013 7:05

I was thinking more like acid. unfortunately it's more expensive, and oh yes, illegal in some states..

allie2590 30

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:28

Yeah, OP should've pissed in her drink and said "here's your refill, bitch."

Inediblepeaches 15

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Monday 9 September 2013 7:42

Because losing your job and getting a possible lawsuit for harassment is totally worth it...

lolita88_fml 27

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:42

Ignore her and move on. There is no case there so let her sue, she'll be laughed out of the courtroom and hopefully fined for wasting time.

slycooper_fml 11

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Sunday 8 September 2013 4:06

I agree. Unless you are advertising free refills, she has no case. Anyway, she's just throwing "sue" around to scare you, so I doubt she will do anything. Just deny her and move on. I used to be in customer service and I do not have good memories.

dallaschloe2 15

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:42

I love your user name! But yes, what a stupid bitch.

Enslaved 36

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Sunday 8 September 2013 3:04

It's so tiny, I can't read the print on my phone. ):

TheOnlyKittyKat 15

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Sunday 8 September 2013 3:06

"Goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt"

SammyS2012 21

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Sunday 8 September 2013 7:08

oh.... thats what it said. for me, it stops at ps, so i was wondering was a vagyoups was

texashater75 16

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Sunday 8 September 2013 22:06

To bad the OP is male. Otherwise this FML could be titled "two girls one cup"

gc327072 30

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:44

"Well I'm not worth very much, so I think you'd be a bit disappointed"

zingline89 18

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:47

Of course. That's why I always make sure not to run out of gas. As long as there's some gas still in the tank, it's illegal for the gas station not to refuel me for free.

Chellec2013 28

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Sunday 8 September 2013 4:36

What? And they made me pay for gas when I still had some left. Time to get a lawyer.

banemask 14

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:48

Human stupidity is the only thing you can count on.

olpally 32

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Sunday 8 September 2013 2:50

"Customers' are always right." My ass, customers are assholes most of the time. Charge her a dollar.

Chellec2013 28

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Sunday 8 September 2013 4:37

Charge at least $6

XxDancerGirlxX 17

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Sunday 8 September 2013 17:09

"Let me get a water cup." Its 27 cents where I work. People freak out. "You charge for water?!" No, we charge for the cup, and should probably charge for the soda we see you trying to sneak and get.