Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took... - FML

By RckRagman - 30/4/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

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White line fever

No one likes a smart-ass

Great boyfriend

By tatatest - 6/4/2012 03:02 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

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By why - 2/5/2016 20:08 - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

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By Noname - 14/3/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

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By bootyislife - 3/2/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

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By anonymous - 18/6/2009 14:04 - Norway

Today, I saw my crush walking on the other side of the street. She hadn't noticed me, so when she did I nonchalantly looked over and casually waved to look cool. I then walked right into a lamp post. FML

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By MrandMrsRendon20 - 11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

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By thatgirl - 18/6/2016 21:19 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

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By alek - 14/7/2011 14:17 - United States

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

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By Andrew - 29/6/2009 10:31 - Canada

Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

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By Harry - 20/7/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

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By TankTankTank - 11/9/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because I "don't know what I'm doing with my future". I've done four years in the Marines and am in the process of becoming an officer. She has a film degree which she has no interest in, works at the mall, and just moved back in with her dad. FML

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By RIP iPhone - 26/2/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

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By jflac - 24/12/2014 12:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2016 20:44 - United States - High Point

Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML

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By nhanley1 - 2/4/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

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By Nola - 27/4/2017 12:00

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

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By patch91 - 5/4/2011 02:03

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2014 16:57 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

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By jshum - 13/9/2016 15:02 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

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By DudeManBro69 - 1/5/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

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By Laptop - 25/5/2010 04:44 - France

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

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By lastinclass - 13/7/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

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By atalose - 6/3/2017 07:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, my college professor said that anyone who misses the final next week automatically fails, "even if their grandmother died." My grandmother, the woman who raised me, died last night and her funeral is next week. Same day as the final. Across the country. FML

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By BlueBaby123 - 25/7/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

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By Tim - 9/4/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

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By Thefaller - 11/7/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

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By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

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By Katie - 30/6/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 16:16 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

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By whatthewhat? - 25/11/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I couldn't trust her after cheating on me with 3 guys. Our friends are sad about it so they're throwing her a pity party. Now I'm single and I have no friends. FML

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By Mark - 20/3/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

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By gamerlaura - 17/7/2016 22:38

Today, after a very harsh argument from my mother about her not seeing her grandchild enough, I decided to vent out my rage in a text to my friend. It wasn't until after I sent the message, that yes, I sent that message to my mom FML

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By jumpedjogger - 14/9/2011 08:34 - United States

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

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By uvagirl - 5/7/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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Top comments

By YallNoobs | 0

#157106 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

how do you know he didnt see you through the tiny cracks between the doors when you walked by? or maybe looked at your shoes...? you took the 4th stall; he could see it all!

By poolshark | 0

#157185 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:25

I've heard of people who can burp out words, but farting your own name is another story all together...

Comments

By Usernameis2lon | 0

#157105 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

lol

Reply

abcnonamecba | 0

#1029353 - Sunday 13 June 2010 10:53

lol

Reply

Purdy19 | 0

#1131514 - Saturday 24 July 2010 3:52

LOL

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1259750 - Wednesday 18 August 2010 0:02

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

Reply

purplegee | 2

#1354068 - Sunday 5 September 2010 7:44

lol!!

Reply

myfruitloop | 0

#2404511 - Monday 25 April 2011 21:56

Trolololololololol

By YallNoobs | 0

#157106 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

how do you know he didnt see you through the tiny cracks between the doors when you walked by? or maybe looked at your shoes...? you took the 4th stall; he could see it all!

Reply

rhoyos64 | 3

#803450 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:59

maybe your gay and like it in the butt and gay people farts are much different that straight people so he might have remembered your his only gay co-worker

Reply

iValerest | 6

#1022297 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:04

You have problems.

Reply

Chocolate_Chunk | 2

#1194137 - Thursday 5 August 2010 16:17

moronic troll is moronic

Reply

FaustXIII | 0

#3865279 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 9:35

Congratulations, you have located your Heterosexual Life Partner.

By This_Guy | 0

#157148 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

If I let out a fart like that, I would've laugh afterwards. So maybe your co-worker recognized your laugh.

Reply

MagicMeds | 0

#577827 - Monday 21 September 2009 9:07

what is this? i dont even...

Reply

Bradley_Dillon | 39

#5960832 - Friday 30 May 2014 21:04

I'd say "Holy shit that was amazing." I would be nearly speachless if I could create such a loud, long noise out of my ass.

By mf_fml | 0

#157150 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

who cares, at least they weren't grossed-out.

By that_funny_girl | 0

#157157 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

Lol wow. Do you do that a lot?

Reply

ahh_forever | 0

#2966682 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:15

He just said he hasn't in a long time. So I'm guessing no.

By withfire | 0

#157161 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:23

I think #2 has it and thus this isn't really an FML . . .
unless, with the way you phrased this, you must fart so much around the office for someone to be able to recognize you by the sound. In that case, that would be an FML.

By poolshark | 0

#157185 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:25

I've heard of people who can burp out words, but farting your own name is another story all together...

Reply

RckRagman | 9

#400240 - Thursday 16 July 2009 3:33

What planet are you on? Nothing was ever said about farting my own name....

Wow.....D-O-R-K

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3138529 - Friday 19 August 2011 10:21

#7 lol that's funny!!

Reply

magnetic_aura | 26

#6080586 - Saturday 4 October 2014 5:49

Duh, #69 (OP) #7 was joking...

By bananaface7 | 0

#157186 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:26

total win for the co-worker!

By paintedlove | 1

#157195 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:27

lmfao at #7
(:

By xXMILKYCHUNKSXx | 0

#157198 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:27

Yes, because "Hey, how's it going?" means he knows exactly who you are. It's not just a common greeting or anything.

Reply

RckRagman | 9

#400236 - Thursday 16 July 2009 3:31

My original submission was edited. The co-worker actually said my name between "HEY" and "How's it goin?".