Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took... - FML

By RckRagman - 30/4/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

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Family values

The end of the road

Bad news

By waterproblem - 27/5/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

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By beckbr - 2/2/2009 00:51 - United States

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 22:54 - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

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By adriana - 1/9/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, after some filing mistakes, and a lot of waiting on hold, I'm finally registered for Spring classes. I was ready to enjoy this term, until I found out that my ex, who was forced into therapy after he threatened to kill me, is in half of my classes. FML

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By analinguist - 20/2/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

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By Unfortunate - 27/12/2010 05:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

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By everyoneheard - 28/3/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

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By Singlelady - 21/9/2016 19:16 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

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By phonemenace - 17/8/2011 09:50 - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

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By Loverscry - 5/11/2014 22:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

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By don't cry over spilled milk - 23/11/2016 14:33 - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

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By alexo - 23/5/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

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By bkeiya - 8/4/2009 12:49 - Japan

Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML

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By Pwnedofthedead - 3/10/2009 15:34 - Canada

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2020 23:00

Working in retail sucks

Today, a customer yelled at me because we didn't have any laptops in stock. I work at a clothing store. FML

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By Username - 24/2/2010 15:06 - France

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

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By wow - 8/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

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By me - 14/1/2012 01:38 - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

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By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

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By shahman14 - 2/6/2019 00:02

Today, I started working at an extremely prestigious bank. In the first five minutes of being there, the boss had me do his laundry at a Laundromat, and when I actually tried to work, he kept showing me some magic tricks. Later on, he fired me for HIS mistake of giving an extra $400 to a customer. FML

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By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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By Hello Nurse - 24/9/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 16:16 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

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By Gibbster_ - 20/6/2014 05:05 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

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By Tom - 26/4/2017 18:00

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

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By Melissa - 8/3/2020 14:00

Badmouth Strikes Again

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

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By StijnDescamps - 13/8/2019 16:00

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

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By nottililgirl - 4/9/2009 03:24 - United States

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

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By FML - 15/7/2009 14:29 - Syrian Arab Republic

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

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By sunflower226 - 5/8/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

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By cathugger - 16/8/2019 16:00

Today, I decided to confess my feelings and perform a love song I'd written for my crush during an open mic night. He was there - he also took the opportunity to declare his love to his on-off girlfriend, get down on one knee and propose to her. She said yes. FML

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By Leauge - 28/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Owensboro

Very smart

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

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By trashed - 30/3/2017 03:00 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I painted the guest bathroom. Once finished, I noticed the paint splatters on my arms matched my lily white chalky skin. Paint matches me better than my makeup. Guess I need a different paint, and new make up. FML

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By Queen LaQueefah - 13/9/2015 11:52 - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2016 10:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

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Top comments

By YallNoobs | 0

#157106 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

how do you know he didnt see you through the tiny cracks between the doors when you walked by? or maybe looked at your shoes...? you took the 4th stall; he could see it all!

By poolshark | 0

#157185 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:25

I've heard of people who can burp out words, but farting your own name is another story all together...

COMMENTS

By Usernameis2lon | 0

#157105 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

lol

Reply

abcnonamecba | 0

#1029353 - Sunday 13 June 2010 10:53

lol

Reply

Purdy19 | 0

#1131514 - Saturday 24 July 2010 3:52

LOL

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1259750 - Wednesday 18 August 2010 0:02

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

Reply

purplegee | 2

#1354068 - Sunday 5 September 2010 7:44

lol!!

Reply

myfruitloop | 0

#2404511 - Monday 25 April 2011 21:56

Trolololololololol

By YallNoobs | 0

#157106 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:16

how do you know he didnt see you through the tiny cracks between the doors when you walked by? or maybe looked at your shoes...? you took the 4th stall; he could see it all!

Reply

rhoyos64 | 3

#803450 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:59

maybe your gay and like it in the butt and gay people farts are much different that straight people so he might have remembered your his only gay co-worker

Reply

iValerest | 6

#1022297 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:04

You have problems.

Reply

Chocolate_Chunk | 2

#1194137 - Thursday 5 August 2010 16:17

moronic troll is moronic

Reply

FaustXIII | 0

#3865279 - Wednesday 11 January 2012 9:35

Congratulations, you have located your Heterosexual Life Partner.

By This_Guy | 0

#157148 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

If I let out a fart like that, I would've laugh afterwards. So maybe your co-worker recognized your laugh.

Reply

MagicMeds | 0

#577827 - Monday 21 September 2009 9:07

what is this? i dont even...

Reply

Bradley_Dillon | 39

#5960832 - Friday 30 May 2014 21:04

I'd say "Holy shit that was amazing." I would be nearly speachless if I could create such a loud, long noise out of my ass.

By mf_fml | 0

#157150 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

who cares, at least they weren't grossed-out.

By that_funny_girl | 0

#157157 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

Lol wow. Do you do that a lot?

Reply

ahh_forever | 0

#2966682 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:15

He just said he hasn't in a long time. So I'm guessing no.

By withfire | 0

#157161 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:23

I think #2 has it and thus this isn't really an FML . . .
unless, with the way you phrased this, you must fart so much around the office for someone to be able to recognize you by the sound. In that case, that would be an FML.

By poolshark | 0

#157185 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:25

I've heard of people who can burp out words, but farting your own name is another story all together...

Reply

RckRagman | 9

#400240 - Thursday 16 July 2009 3:33

What planet are you on? Nothing was ever said about farting my own name....

Wow.....D-O-R-K

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3138529 - Friday 19 August 2011 10:21

#7 lol that's funny!!

Reply

magnetic_aura | 26

#6080586 - Saturday 4 October 2014 5:49

Duh, #69 (OP) #7 was joking...

By bananaface7 | 0

#157186 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:26

total win for the co-worker!

By paintedlove | 1

#157195 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:27

lmfao at #7
(:

By xXMILKYCHUNKSXx | 0

#157198 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:27

Yes, because "Hey, how's it going?" means he knows exactly who you are. It's not just a common greeting or anything.

Reply

RckRagman | 9

#400236 - Thursday 16 July 2009 3:31

My original submission was edited. The co-worker actually said my name between "HEY" and "How's it goin?".