This Week’s Top 10 Comment Countdown is Here!
10. In the opening spot, RockPrincess26 delivers a serendipitous Mean Girls reference, which are always welcome.
“'Just don't have sex. Because you will get chlamydia. And die.'”
9. The sarcasm is strong with Shabnam Moghal.
“That'll scare the natural disaster off.”
8. A round of applause for upright citizens from RichardPencil.
Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML
“Donating your truck to some poor suffering person in Houston is a very wonderful gesture. You are a hero, sir!”
7. And the Shitty Life Hack Award goes to MidnaLink and his trusty sidekick Demon_of_Light.
Today, after working out at the gym, I accidentally left my towel in my locker. Since it was early, I didn't mind walking to the showers naked. After showering, I couldn't get my lock to open, leaving me stuck trying to open the locker totally naked, as the locker room filled up. FML
“And this, folks, is why I like my 3 digit combo lock. I just set it two numbers ahead, and as long as I remember the third digit, I'm golden.”
“That sort of defeats the purpose of security though.”
6. Wow, someone’s dark, ThrottleJockey…
“Sounds like two more funerals are in your near future.”
5. Damn it, jediloader, this is racist but it’s also funny.
“You sure it wasn't chicken fly rice?”
4. How polite, LeoCor.
3. I did indeed take your opinion into account, Ashamed_Sister. RichardPencil takes a number three spot for a comment that received a lot of backhanded compliments.
Today, after nearly three years of no contact whatsoever, I received a Facebook notification from my father. Eager to see what he said, I pulled it up only to see a game request. He had run out of lives on Candy Crush. FML
“Give him one life and then tell him you are even, and he can fuck off.”
2. Donut_wizard is FML’s official veterinarian.
Today, I called a client after hours to inform her of her cat's raised kidney enzyme. After discussing the prices for further diagnostics and ending the call, I looked at the labwork and realized I had run the sample under "dog". FML
“Ma'am, I'm afraid to inform you that your parrot got something stuck in its paw while sleeping in its fish bowl.”
1. Chris Smith sees right through you, OP. No need to beat around the bush.
Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML
“Don't worry, it must've just been really dark at the strip club you were working at that night.”
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
“Are you sure she just didn't get rashes from poison ivy?”
“Now that you’ve gotten over that hurdle, you’re halfway to eating placenta. There’s a newly single girl who’s into that.”
THE LET’S DEBATE THE MERITS OF RICHARDPENCIL THREAD AWARD
Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML
...Y'all have to read the thread for this one, obviously.
DÉJÀ VU AWARD
Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML
“I never understood why some people shove other people's heads into a cake, or why brides and grooms intentionally smear the cake all over each other's faces. It's not funny, it's messy, and it's wasteful. And very rude.”
“I never understood why people try to slam other people's heads into a cake on their birthday. It's rude and wasteful, not to mention messy. Same with brides and grooms smearing their wedding cake all over each other's face.”