This Week's Comment Gold
10. There are two possible stuations here, OccurredBison: either you are spam and you're trying hard not to appear it, or you're genuinely cucko for Royal Carribean Cruise Lines and can't help your spammy speak. The fact that I can't determine which you are gets you on the list. You are en enigma.
Today, I was informed by my boss that I have been upgraded to "key holder" because I'm so responsible. I was also informed I will need it to lock up myself, as I will be in the office alone all next week while the other 10 employees and my boss go on vacation. FML
“Take a Royal Caribbean cruise next vacation u get. Ur whole family can go. Cuz like they doin' a summer sale 40% off the first guest, 30% off the second, and another 30% off the 3rd. So like over 50% to 65% off total. Their vacations be like 3 days in Disneyland for $4,500 Ur vacation be like 7 Days to Jamaica, Puerto Rico, and Nassau. Plus a bonus perk choice. All under $3,000!???!!?? 'Key Holder Phhtt! More like 'money holder'”
9. I know this was a typo, Thereisnospork, but you're here because I can't get the image of Sue, the stupid birch tree, out of my head.
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
“Sue that stupid birch for frivolous lawsuit. That will shut that idiot up.”
8. Way to attempt to cheer OP up, rivenrock. Everything sounds better when it rhymes!
“You're so nice, he's dating you twice.”
7. First pun on the list comes from cdgrayson!
“Well now the ocean can sea!”
6. As I've said before, I do not support "shitty" puns. Clearly Arashikage is my brother in arms.
Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML
“Well that's pretty shitty.”
“like your pun”
5. Gross throwback reference, RichardPencil. Could've lived without it, but I'm a sentimental gal, so it's on the list.
“When you go 'down there,' please, please, please don't mention waffles!”
4. Dave_Davington's asking the important questions.
“My hubby has that fetish?”
-“I don't know, does he?”
3. Cute, Madrias. Cute.
Today, I had to have knee surgery. When I woke up, I found myself with a bandage around my head. The surgeon explained to me that one of the students in the operating room had fainted during the procedure, falling over and head-butting me on her way down. FML
“Who knew that knee surgery would be such a headache?”
2. Bravo, RichardPencil. Comment so nice, you're listed twice.
“Did you say yes to the mess?”
1. Not a bad idea, Merganna.
Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML
“I formally dub this baby, 'Murphy.'”
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
Sounds familiar, Madrias.
“At least he didn't spill beer all over your hamster in the process.”
A throwback for the diehard fans from Ih8teenangst.
“Is your name Brittany by any chance?”
...and this week, we've got a special segment I'm calling
THE PANDER PEN
“Funny I get the same way when someone eats the last taco.”
You guys are beginning to know me all too well. From now on, all comments seemingly intended to schmooz me over are going in The Pander Pen. I'm rolling my eyes but also, I love these comments so I'm rewarding this behavior.
See y'all next time!