10. Fabulous choice.

Cashier: I love your lip gloss!

Me: Thanks, it's food court teriyaki chicken glaze.

— Elle (@ellentee) October 7, 2018

9. #makingmemories

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 8, 2018

8. Don't test me.

I’m a kind person, but if I let you into my lane during rush hour, and you do not give me a courtesy wave, I will follow you home and set your car on fire.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 12, 2018

7. Better safe than sorry.

life is short! adopt a dog, adopt another dog, then adopt a third dog, maybe that one needs a buddy, grab one more just in case

— Kristen Arnett of the Living Dead (@Kristen_Arnett) October 10, 2018

6. Crazy how nature do that.

Like a Sherlockian miracle worker, yet again I found the thing my kids were searching everywhere for, in the place I said it would be, where they swear they had already checked.

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 6, 2018

5. Almost ready...

{concert}
lead singer: WHO’S READY TO ROCK?!
me (from the mosh pit trying to clean my glasses with the front of my shirt) ONE SECOND, PLEASE

— kim 🎃☠️👻 (@KimmyMonte) October 10, 2018

4. True.

i ordered my 2019 planner which if you think about it is optimistic thinking we're all gonna live to 2019

— kylie spOOKS 🖤🥂⚾️ (@kyliesparks) October 8, 2018

3. ...

this year for halloween i am going as anxiety, which will be depicted as the three dots that show someone is writing you a text

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 10, 2018

2. Those things are expensive as hell.

My 10yo daughter got the American Girl Doll catalog and circled her college tuition.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 10, 2018

1. Yes please.

Did you know 9 billion hens are slaughtered each year? That’s 9 billion chicken ghosts. The astral plane is positively overflowing with birds. It is hell’s waiting room, the chicken plane.

Waiter: so ... you don’t want the chicken?

Me: no ... yes, the chicken please

— madds (@whatmaddness) October 10, 2018

That's all for this week, folks!

Which one was your favorite?