The Top 10 Funniest Tweets Of The Week
10. Fabulous choice.
Cashier: I love your lip gloss!
— Elle (@ellentee) October 7, 2018
Me: Thanks, it's food court teriyaki chicken glaze.
9. #makingmemories
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 8, 2018
8. Don't test me.
I’m a kind person, but if I let you into my lane during rush hour, and you do not give me a courtesy wave, I will follow you home and set your car on fire.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 12, 2018
7. Better safe than sorry.
life is short! adopt a dog, adopt another dog, then adopt a third dog, maybe that one needs a buddy, grab one more just in case
— Kristen Arnett of the Living Dead (@Kristen_Arnett) October 10, 2018
6. Crazy how nature do that.
Like a Sherlockian miracle worker, yet again I found the thing my kids were searching everywhere for, in the place I said it would be, where they swear they had already checked.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 6, 2018
5. Almost ready...
{concert}
— kim đâ ïžđ» (@KimmyMonte) October 10, 2018
lead singer: WHO’S READY TO ROCK?!
me (from the mosh pit trying to clean my glasses with the front of my shirt) ONE SECOND, PLEASE
4. True.
i ordered my 2019 planner which if you think about it is optimistic thinking we're all gonna live to 2019
— kylie spOOKS đ€đ„âŸïž (@kyliesparks) October 8, 2018
3. ...
this year for halloween i am going as anxiety, which will be depicted as the three dots that show someone is writing you a text
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 10, 2018
2. Those things are expensive as hell.
My 10yo daughter got the American Girl Doll catalog and circled her college tuition.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 10, 2018
1. Yes please.
Did you know 9 billion hens are slaughtered each year? That’s 9 billion chicken ghosts. The astral plane is positively overflowing with birds. It is hell’s waiting room, the chicken plane.
— madds (@whatmaddness) October 10, 2018
Waiter: so ... you don’t want the chicken?
Me: no ... yes, the chicken please
That's all for this week, folks!
Which one was your favorite?
