Passport to FML

This week we're bookin' it to Indonesia, Israel, Finland, Brazil, and Lebanon.

This is a truly worldly batch of world FMLs. If you're reading this, then you're worldly too. So congratulations! I think worldly people are pretty cool.

By eas - Indonesia

Today, tanning session on a heavenly beach in Bali. A local seller came to me and showed me the swimsuits that she was selling. She also add with a big smile: “I have big size for you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

625

You deserved it

95

Tweet

Share

Save

By Anonyme - Israel

Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays. As he got out, I could see he was disappointed so I asked him what was wrong. “It’s lame, we’re not even going to learn how to make fireballs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

659

You deserved it

70

Tweet

Share

Save

By Ketchup - Finland - Turku

Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time for a tampon change break!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

675

You deserved it

291

Tweet

Share

Save

By Klaairon - Brazil - Osasco

Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture of my brother, my boyfriend and me. Apparently, the idea of me having a boyfriend didn’t register with them because they all screamed, “Your brother is gay?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

775

You deserved it

46

Tweet

Share

Save

By setaleschausasses - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to impress a very cute guy at a party by grinding up against him. During my very sexy choreography, I heard him say, “It feels like a slug rubbing against me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

563

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

Save

By Nina / Tuesday 27 June 2017 06:12 /

Taking stock

Good kid

Foreshadowing

By sprained neck

Today, I had whiplash after my dad and I were rear ended by a suburban. Despite the state trooper saying I should go, my dad delayed taking me to the ER because he wanted to pick up the dog from "doggy daycare" and take her for a nice long walk, while I waited for my mom to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22818

You deserved it

1501

Tweet

Share

By Bill - 30/5/2021 23:59 - Canada - Qu?bec

Everybody does

Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

899

You deserved it

78

Tweet

Share

By Charlatan126 - 3/2/2021 05:00 - United States - Hilliard

It's the thought that counts…

Today, I finally had a man say, "I love you" to me in a sincere tone. It was a customer, who was high, over the phone. I said it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

769

You deserved it

124

Tweet

Share

By luh8r - Canada

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54093

You deserved it

4672

Tweet

Share

By singlesummer - United States - Compton

Today, I was watching a movie alone, after receiving a text from my boyfriend saying that his grandma was at the hospital, so he couldn't go with me. I caught him on a date with another girl, at the same movie screening that I went to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41894

You deserved it

2562

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38913

You deserved it

3876

Tweet

Share

By nakedyogagirl - United Kingdom

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10012

You deserved it

39384

Tweet

Share

By Ihatemyfamily - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14315

You deserved it

1323

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6865

You deserved it

481

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Keys, how do they work?

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

901

You deserved it

743

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12471

You deserved it

104497

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Silver linings

Today, I went to a dispensary to find relief for my chronic back pain. Turns out THC and my anxiety don't mix. I've been freaking out/paranoid/hyper diligent all night. I'm out $200, but at least thanks to my panic, I forgot my back pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1352

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20655

You deserved it

2708

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3215

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By lonelygirl - Canada - London

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25400

You deserved it

3672

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31543

You deserved it

2563

Tweet

Share

By hugs511 - United States

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52494

You deserved it

3134

Tweet

Share

By SODbeatlesMCRlp - United States

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10724

You deserved it

34957

Tweet

Share

By 14YearOld - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39804

You deserved it

7973

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer had kept my I.D by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29315

You deserved it

4049

Tweet

Share

By too tight - United States

Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21234

You deserved it

14004

Tweet

Share

By Already Broke Asf - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24886

You deserved it

2309

Tweet

Share

By mack - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26677

You deserved it

7108

Tweet

Share

By missingphoneproblems - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27191

You deserved it

1893

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27619

You deserved it

2462

Tweet

Share

By Audrey - 21/7/2020 14:01

My eyes! My eyes!

Today, I walked in on my mom masturbating. I want to run away. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1583

You deserved it

609

Tweet

Share

By hardwarekit - United States - Fairport

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29507

You deserved it

2906

Tweet

Share

By fuzzy - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23606

You deserved it

6832

Tweet

Share

By I don't want to be here anymore - Canada - Edmonton

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32702

You deserved it

3271

Tweet

Share

By Loveless

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3153

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By catgiraffegirl - United States

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39863

You deserved it

2928

Tweet

Share

By frogdog563

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1723

You deserved it

327

Tweet

Share

By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36056

You deserved it

3330

Tweet

Share

By emmamrose7 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59512

You deserved it

6028

Tweet

Share

By Kate - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38863

You deserved it

8937

Tweet

Share

By Peter - United States

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26485

You deserved it

2966

Tweet

Share

By liu_kang - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks

32080

You deserved it

7687

Tweet

Share

By Stupid-Brain - 6/10/2020 09:59

Please like me

Today, like every other time for as long as I can remember, even the slightest suggestion that someone doesn't want to be around me sends me into a major panic attack. I've been in therapy for three years to try and handle my anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1043

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By Bambi113 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12874

You deserved it

904

Tweet

Share

By LesToiliettes - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26767

You deserved it

2133

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

No comments yet.

COMMENTS

No comments yet.