By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Moment ruined

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

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Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

Great first impression

Paranoia

By Anonymous - United States - Coplay

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

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By duh - United States

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

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By LadySteveMartin - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

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By anon - United States - Pleasantville

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

We feel for you, bruh

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

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By Whatthehell - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

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By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

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By fuck right off - United Kingdom - Coalville

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

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By Too Many Credits

Today, after having too many projects for end of term, I asked to borrow my sister's paper that she used for the same class last year. After submitting it online, I found the example paper that the teacher handed out. My teacher used my sister's paper from last year as an example for us. FML

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By ac32 - Canada

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

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By fuck you, gran - United States - Ashland

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

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By fatteningmeup - United States

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By Jolene - United States - Gloucester

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

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By tgstreaks - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

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By teegtwo - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML

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By theshitguy - 15/6/2021 08:01 - Australia - Kedron

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

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By secret dancer - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 11:01

Innocence

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

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By ShitHappens - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

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By Farterella

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

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By loser4life - United States

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

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By HappyGirl - France

Today, my little brother, who is 11, explained to me how babies are made. I’m 15. FML

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By EarScentedCandle - United States - Philadelphia

Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

Today, after watching Shrek, my little brother started collecting his earwax to make it into a candle like Shrek did. I can’t get him to throw it away even after bribing him with bags of candy. FML

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By Sarah_Mow

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public bathroom. As I was about to put the tampon into the sanitary bin, I dropped it and it rolled under the stall next to mine. It was occupied. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

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By newsgirl - United States

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

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By crzyry - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

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By AtLeastIGetOvertime - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my supervisor if I could take a week off next month to go visit family. He laughed and said, "That's funny, I've put you down for extra time that week, so you can cover my shifts while I go to Spain!" FML

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By zerom - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

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By gtfb1993 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told the girl I've been seeing for a while about the strong feelings that I have for her and that I was falling in love. She told me my words made her realize what it felt like to be in love. My words were so powerful, in fact, that she ran right back into the arms of her ex boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

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By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on Dr. Phil…

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

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Top comments

By alexishbu | 16

#6578531 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:41

That seems terrible to have happen, but imagining that made me laugh

By el_bell3618 | 29

#6578532 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:42

That really sucks, I hope you're not too salty about it later back at your place!

COMMENTS

By TxAsMaD3 | 19

#6578530 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:40

Well I hope you feel better OP FYL

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6578794 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 2:09

I mean, there was a button for the FYL part. It was kind of unnecessary.

By alexishbu | 16

#6578531 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:41

That seems terrible to have happen, but imagining that made me laugh

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6578669 - Monday 11 April 2016 21:38

It is quite rare to get assalted by a jacuzzi.

Reply

peacheson | 3

#6578770 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 0:51

Today I used mymmspy.com to hack my GF's MMS messages. While going through her pictures I found some dicks and noticed it was my dad she was texting. FML

By el_bell3618 | 29

#6578532 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:42

That really sucks, I hope you're not too salty about it later back at your place!

By Hamden824 | 23

#6578534 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:45

That must hurt. Try being more careful next time, OP!

By Tripartita | 44

#6578535 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:46

Congrats, OP, it sound like you're living in a Stephen King novel!

By Sonotsuave | 33

#6578539 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:50

That's quite ironic, lol

Reply

COSaikou | 7

#6578623 - Monday 11 April 2016 20:04

...but how?

Reply

IDontKnowWhoIAm04 | 24

#6578642 - Monday 11 April 2016 20:32

I assume #6 meant that it was ironic because OP got into the jacuzzi to help their back problems but actually made it worse when the salts got launched into their back.

Reply

jelrid | 30

#6581922 - Sunday 17 April 2016 3:03

Pretty sure it's got more sodium then iron, but ok.

By lpfire61 | 14

#6578541 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:52

The follow up reads as follows: Today, after being shot in the back with bath salts via hot tub jets, I ate my dogs face off, FML.

Reply

sweetbliss3 | 37

#6578819 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 3:34

? she didn't snort or eat them. or maybe I'm just confused.

Reply

bandaidstations | 28

#6579772 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 21:22

That sort of bath salt is an entirely different substance than what you put in a bath.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6578547 - Monday 11 April 2016 18:05

Sounds painful OP. Hope you feel better soon..

By jimeple | 12

#6578551 - Monday 11 April 2016 18:08

At least you didn't snort the bath salts.

By mariri9206 | 32

#6578553 - Monday 11 April 2016 18:15

ouch! that really sucks, OP. I'm genuinely curious, though - jacuzzi hot tub or jacuzzi bath tub? And, if it's the hot tub, why would there be bath salts there?