By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Moment ruined

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

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There's no helping some people

The road to hell…

Cloth ears

By MysticSoup - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

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By lonelyhubby - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

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By thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML

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By thebigguy

Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML

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By barebackingit - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

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By stinky breath - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

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By Academia - United Kingdom

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

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By Jacobro - United States

Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

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By T.T - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

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By please don’t - 8/6/2020 02:00

The Big Book of Baby Names

Today, I had to explain to my sister in law why it’s a terrible idea to name her baby Aryan just because she likes the way it sounds. We’re all African Americans, but she still doesn’t see the issue with it. FML

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By HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom - Wisbech

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

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By adopted - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

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By tkoester - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

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By nolove - Canada

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

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By Jealousbitch - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

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By scared shitless - 24/6/2020 08:02

Night terrors

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

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By just a joke - 8/6/2020 20:08

He has issues

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

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By KidCudi227 - United States

Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML

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By peestain - United Kingdom

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML

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By - France

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

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By CaptainByron

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

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By Extended_desktop - Poland

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

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By Faith - 9/2/2021 11:01

Idiocracy

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

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By busybuzzybee - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2020 05:05

Baked

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Porter

Dirty mind

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

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By NoRunning - United States

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

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By lizzie - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

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By GTR - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

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By Bro

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

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By Anon.

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

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By Mary C. - United States - Mendota

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

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By poorkids - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

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Top comments

By alexishbu | 16

#6578531 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:41

That seems terrible to have happen, but imagining that made me laugh

By el_bell3618 | 29

#6578532 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:42

That really sucks, I hope you're not too salty about it later back at your place!

COMMENTS

By TxAsMaD3 | 19

#6578530 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:40

Well I hope you feel better OP FYL

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6578794 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 2:09

I mean, there was a button for the FYL part. It was kind of unnecessary.

By alexishbu | 16

#6578531 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:41

That seems terrible to have happen, but imagining that made me laugh

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6578669 - Monday 11 April 2016 21:38

It is quite rare to get assalted by a jacuzzi.

Reply

peacheson | 3

#6578770 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 0:51

Today I used mymmspy.com to hack my GF's MMS messages. While going through her pictures I found some dicks and noticed it was my dad she was texting. FML

By el_bell3618 | 29

#6578532 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:42

That really sucks, I hope you're not too salty about it later back at your place!

By Hamden824 | 23

#6578534 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:45

That must hurt. Try being more careful next time, OP!

By Tripartita | 44

#6578535 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:46

Congrats, OP, it sound like you're living in a Stephen King novel!

By Sonotsuave | 33

#6578539 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:50

That's quite ironic, lol

Reply

COSaikou | 7

#6578623 - Monday 11 April 2016 20:04

...but how?

Reply

IDontKnowWhoIAm04 | 24

#6578642 - Monday 11 April 2016 20:32

I assume #6 meant that it was ironic because OP got into the jacuzzi to help their back problems but actually made it worse when the salts got launched into their back.

Reply

jelrid | 30

#6581922 - Sunday 17 April 2016 3:03

Pretty sure it's got more sodium then iron, but ok.

By lpfire61 | 14

#6578541 - Monday 11 April 2016 17:52

The follow up reads as follows: Today, after being shot in the back with bath salts via hot tub jets, I ate my dogs face off, FML.

Reply

sweetbliss3 | 37

#6578819 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 3:34

? she didn't snort or eat them. or maybe I'm just confused.

Reply

bandaidstations | 28

#6579772 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 21:22

That sort of bath salt is an entirely different substance than what you put in a bath.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6578547 - Monday 11 April 2016 18:05

Sounds painful OP. Hope you feel better soon..

By jimeple | 12

#6578551 - Monday 11 April 2016 18:08

At least you didn't snort the bath salts.

By mariri9206 | 32

#6578553 - Monday 11 April 2016 18:15

ouch! that really sucks, OP. I'm genuinely curious, though - jacuzzi hot tub or jacuzzi bath tub? And, if it's the hot tub, why would there be bath salts there?