May The Fourth Be With You

30788

2170

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

By Noname - United States

38177

3179

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

By carebear1228 - United States - San Francisco

55922

4749

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

By in love with an idiot - Angola - Luanda

10170

1631

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

By Anonymous - United States

27127

3654

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

By Anonymous

2174

267

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Peterborough

21633

9398

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

By -insert clever nickname here- - United States - Seattle

23425

14921

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

By Bex - United States - San Francisco

19386

1496

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

By Alien - Switzerland

25982

2612

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

By Anonymous - United States

48320

3946

Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women are crappy programmers". FML

By Rusty - United States

23061

2736

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

By Brinty - Australia

36336

3552

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

69350

4070

Today, I was chilling with my best friend and suddenly I got a text from my ex saying he wanted me back. My best friend saw the text and said, "Don't go back with him, you deserve better." I wanted to go back with him but I didn't. Later, I saw them hanging out and turns out they're dating. FML

By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 00:30

Backstabbing

1090

103

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

1746

113

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

By Ignored - United States

41238

9341

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

19600

7160

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

By thanks a lot asshole - 26/9/2020 17:02 - United States

One law for thee, another for me

1221

321

Today, I tried proving to my best friend that I wasn't a lesbian by telling her I once liked her brother. She was mad because I never told her and now she's calling him. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Southerly North Slope Bo

42013

6321

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

By justletitbeover - United Kingdom

36266

9551

Today, I'm on vacation and stupidly bought the cheapest sunblock I could find. Instead of protecting my skin, the sunblock acted as a damn lightning rod for the sun, and I now look like I just spent a few hours on a spit-roast. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Wittmann

16476

8607

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

By suspended - Australia

26571

41096

Today, my teacher began to explain Veterans' Day and why it's on 11/11 to a new student from Iran. He said he already knew, but this was news to almost everyone else in the class. FML

By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 20:00

Increase school funding, please?

1264

178

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

By TTR - United States

12895

44542

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

By alternativefacts

4838

1188

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

By Anonymous S'wit - Portugal

33829

8770

Today, my father taught my son to pee on trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

By jcesom - United States

43817

6077

Today, I went to pick up my long distance boyfriend at the airport. It has been over six months since I last saw him and four days since I last heard from him. He never showed up. FML

By Leftattheairport

2559

378

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

By confused_cashier - United States - Herndon

13196

1432

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

By TrueStories - United States

70161

4105

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

By Anonymous - United States

32008

5725

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

By shmelly - United States

45851

22166

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

By hulagirl1217 - United States

31480

2920

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

By Anna L. - United States - San Antonio

36079

6538

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Caring

835

148

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

By preggo eggo

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

4026

503

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

By Anonymous - Australia

44919

3346

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

By bugger

40853

5136

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

By jibberish - United States

15653

38887