By my honest father - United States - Kansas City Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML I agree, your life sucks 51972 You deserved it 3729 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catlady - United States Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML I agree, your life sucks 55487 You deserved it 8999 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 3hoursleftofwork - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML I agree, your life sucks 28659 You deserved it 5323 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By good_aim - United States - Los Angeles Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML I agree, your life sucks 48220 You deserved it 26807 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kingwalrus - United Kingdom Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML I agree, your life sucks 37964 You deserved it 8022 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kilimanjaro - France This is war! Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML I agree, your life sucks 23976 You deserved it 6015 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML I agree, your life sucks 34316 You deserved it 4350 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML I agree, your life sucks 68019 You deserved it 7230 353 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poopexperttt - United States Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML I agree, your life sucks 25463 You deserved it 2438 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tkrause - Canada - Nelson Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML I agree, your life sucks 41299 You deserved it 4137 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KarlwithaK - United States Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML I agree, your life sucks 79847 You deserved it 4151 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh hey there Today, I went shopping for a nice outfit to wear for a job interview. A fake job interview. One that I just made up so my mother would get off my case about finding a job. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that I can't get a job, or that my mother actually believed me about the interview. FML I agree, your life sucks 11173 You deserved it 38765 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - Ireland - Cork Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML I agree, your life sucks 38549 You deserved it 8123 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Gig Harbor Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML I agree, your life sucks 46314 You deserved it 4406 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FlyingWhisps - United States Today, my grandparents came to visit. So far, they have called me fat, bragged about how my cousin is better than me, and told me how I'm not good enough for them. It's okay, though, they gave me a pretzel from the airline and a textbook on physics. In another language. FML I agree, your life sucks 31669 You deserved it 2455 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By babysitter - United States Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML I agree, your life sucks 39137 You deserved it 4920 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ProExist - United States Today, MLK Jr. Day, I was told that since my other co workers are on vacation, I have to be at work Today. No one else is at work Today...or on any other holiday. Also I am the only black person at my office. The irony, FML I agree, your life sucks 2365 You deserved it 228 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peanutprobs - Germany - Bochum Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML I agree, your life sucks 38757 You deserved it 3323 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML I agree, your life sucks 47826 You deserved it 4709 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Longmont Bad thought Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 1746 You deserved it 188 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Deatsville Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML I agree, your life sucks 34885 You deserved it 3476 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I was driving down a completely empty street when a cop pulled me over for no reason at all. When he approached my window, I began to get defensive until he informed me I was driving the wrong way down a one way street. FML I agree, your life sucks 10231 You deserved it 24564 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By John_Elvis - United States - Valparaiso Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML I agree, your life sucks 22232 You deserved it 3475 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Swatted - United States - Sparks Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML I agree, your life sucks 31157 You deserved it 2920 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By frog - United Kingdom Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML I agree, your life sucks 54250 You deserved it 4520 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 1234567898765432 - Canada Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML I agree, your life sucks 113017 You deserved it 6057 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML I agree, your life sucks 15694 You deserved it 22139 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cantunsee Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML I agree, your life sucks 4947 You deserved it 391 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Mountain Home Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML I agree, your life sucks 20200 You deserved it 147375 563 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous001 - Canada - Toronto Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML I agree, your life sucks 25875 You deserved it 68644 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Pyongtaek Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message saying that I was unfaithful. FML I agree, your life sucks 2532 You deserved it 24731 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WTF - United States - Bloomington Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML I agree, your life sucks 30886 You deserved it 2152 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sos - United States Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML I agree, your life sucks 27177 You deserved it 4703 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iwantaraise - Australia Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML I agree, your life sucks 29155 You deserved it 3036 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bjfail - United Kingdom Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML I agree, your life sucks 22360 You deserved it 4848 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mj - Canada - Windsor Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML I agree, your life sucks 11690 You deserved it 4200 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dezzy - United States - Springfield Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML I agree, your life sucks 42096 You deserved it 4914 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - New Zealand Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML I agree, your life sucks 13869 You deserved it 27423 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I'm Not Dead Yet - United States - Tucson Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML I agree, your life sucks 54413 You deserved it 5186 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PollingLow - United States - Decatur Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML I agree, your life sucks 32606 You deserved it 2350 170 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 528 You deserved it 123 7 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1006 You deserved it 51 6 Comments