Hospital Finds Turtle In Woman's Vagina
You read that right, folks. She woke up with a turtle up her snatch and has no idea how it got there.
According to El Pais, the 26-year-old British woman went to the emergency room on the island of Tenerife in the Canary Islands with mysterious vaginal pain after a night out partying. The doctor examined her and found a dead Chinese box turtle, much to everyone's surprise. Thank goodness it wasn't a snapper!
How did it get there? Was she assaulted or should she herself be in trouble for animal abuse? Unfortunately, she can't remember anything of the night before. To be safe in such a weird situation, the doctor called the police to investigate. They took a statement from the young woman, but of course all she could tell them was that she had been around Fañabé beach and couldn't remember what happened.
Don't worry about beaches in general, ladies. There's no way this turtle snuck in there without any human assistance. In fact, this type of turtle isn't native to the beach at all - it's a freshwater turtle commonly sold in pet shops and can grow up to 18 cm in length.
Anyway, what's the end result of this odd tale? TBD. The woman has decided to not file a formal complaint and has not announced whether or not she believes she was assaulted. Police suspect assault but have closed the case. The public prosecuter has not yet ruled out legal action and is still trying to collect information about the case.
If you're ever in the Canary Islands, bring a buddy, go slow and steady with those cocktails, and keep an eye out for any shady-looking pet vendors.