Hello everyone! Once again, here's FML's weekly Best of the Worst! Even more proof that the internet is full of people who can claim that reality is stranger than fiction.

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "pumpernickels" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature. Now, get ready, be prepared.
 

ok but like who was in the bathroom

My boyfriend spent the night and he got up in the middle the night to use the restroom and somebody was in the restroom and I heard him peeing in a bottle near my closet and then I heard his pee hit my floor and when he was done he closed the closet. I was awake just laying there. I was shook FML

the struggle

I got a flat tire after the dentist... had to drive w a numb mouth and a flat tire... and then ask for a tire... w out to be able to talk

i am SHOOK by this plot twist 

Man, I treated like a son, later ganged up on me with his friend, stabbing me 23 times.

blind, run

I was sucking dick in the school bathroom and got cum in my eye... I was blind run

ok i mean, good luck

Planing valentine for 2 weeks.. And making a difficult chicken recipe I have never done before.. I hope to get lucky.. But he is so sick he can't even get out of bed

ya so0o0o0oper weird 

Nothing beats going to the Doctors on Hump day. odd that its also valentines day and I said hump day, um oops!

a poem:

I told her to take care of herself and she said I'm annoying her.

who is mr magoo & can he explain this fml

Found out that trumps budget will cut out "Student Loan Forgiveness"! plus first lady is hospitalized. sorry for the lack of air quotes, but after hearing that I am more worried about my money, Mister Magoo with a wig. Totallyl to all students, FMl.

dear fml,

So today I got into a relationship with someone I'm not really attracted to so now I have to find a way to break up with them... before valentines day... And I've never broken up with someone before

ok lol everybody calm down

I swear to god I'm so close to smashing this piece of shit of a phone it's so fucking annoying. FML

That's it for now. We'll be back next week for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!