Here's This Week's Collection Of The Worst FMLs Ever

Hello everyone! Once again, here's FML's weekly Best of the Worst! Even more proof that the internet is full of people who can claim that reality is stranger than fiction.

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "period stains" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature. Now, get ready, be prepared.
 

some romantic doggos 

Today I was supposed to go out on my second date with this guy I really like. Instead of bowling, due to the road conditions. We stayed at my house (10 occupants) which was messy, my two dogs were trying to make love and my little brother became my chaperone “you are staying the night right?” Fml.

das a slippery steak

Today, I made a HUGE steak & cheese with wine. Not WITH wine, with a glass of it on the side. Walking my food to the table, I tripped over the cat, spilling everything I had. "Well, at least it's not the wine!", I thought. Then I slipped on some steak, spilling my wine too. I don't own a cat. FML

coming out one end

today. I had to take milk of magnesia because I'm constipated. I absolutely hate milk of magnesia but I was desperate. I have finally grown the courage to take it not even thirty seconds later I started throwing up all over. So now I'm throwing up and still can't poop. FML

This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!

I was in my friend's closet the other day.. you may be asking yourself how did you get into such a situation, because you clearly are. Fml

eat shit

Today I walked into the kitchen while my wife was spreading dog feces onto toast. She’s been bringing me toast and coffee in bed for three months - ever since I said I didn't like her pumpkin pie. She begged me to be honest about the pie because she was entering it into a contest. FML.

The Tampon Movie: coming the theaters near you!

Today, after about two to three years being on depo, not having a period, I didn't have pads, or the energy to drive to get new ones, was also getting over a cold, now feel my tampon movie every time I sneezed, and I'm constantly peeing. Did I forget to mention I have no money? FML

you don't say?

Today, I was watching a kids cartoon and it was for little kids. FML

story of how i went to pee

Today while in school I saw the teacher who is been giving me hell then I thought to myself “maybe she needs some ?” then I looked down and walked away to the bathroom before she came back out of her room.

working around the clock

Today, I today I. Tomorrow I tomorrow I. NEXT WEEK I NEXT WEEK I. THIS FORTNIGHT, I THIS FORTNIGHT I. BAN ME ASSHOLES I DARE YOU

yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

My cat Yoda broke into my room when I went to take care of my son and stole my Philly cheese steak sandwich. I haven't eaten all day.

That's it for now. We'll be back next week for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!