Hello everyone! Once again, here's FML's weekly Best of the Worst! Even more proof that the internet is full of people who can claim that reality is stranger than fiction.

For the people who've never seen this section of FML before, we get sent loads of FMLs, but we only publish a few, due to the fact that most aren't very good, and some are downright terrifying. Amongst those, we also get sent very dumbass stories. Or "boloney sandwiches" as I like to call them. That's what we post in this feature. Now, get ready, be prepared.
 

the 24-hour second 

Today; guys are such dicks; you always shave & give yourself a Brazilian for their ass & the second you don’t shave for 24hours they say you need to take a chainsaw to yourself... FML

6 degrees of Kevin Bacon

Today, I showed up to my blind date (Also a double date with the couple who set me up with a nice girl my friend did not know, but his GF knew) to see my friend and his GF, as well as his GF's friend... who is my identical twin. FML

FML, FML

My Initials are FML. So yeah, there's that. FML

fuck fuck fuckity fuck

NO I WOULDN'T FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT you @#$#%^ bitch. After fucking..... 5 years later Fuck my life the fuck was before the 5 years

got a fetish for oral...Oral-B

Today saw a girl in bar, toothpaste in the corner of her mouth. I laughed and went to the toilets, Peeing, thought of girl licked my mouth as I flushed; felt drops of water hit my tongue, I swallowed salt-water and pee, wretched, puked. On my knees over stinking pan, puke and floor pee on me. FML.

grounds for commitment

Today I made out with my ex boyfriend... I thought we were getting back, but apparently he wanted a friends with benefits kind thing.. I felt awful.. then I called my ex ex boyfriend... he came, he asked me out, wore a ring on my hand.. and there! I got committed to him and I kissed him too... !

why not capitalize?

Today, I spent my New Year's on the Toilet with Severe Stomach Cramps and Diarrhea due to eating contaminated Cookie Dough. FML

get up, stand up

Today I woke up in the morning and also afternoon and night. I'm lying in bed until new year day's arrives and at least I did something new. I stand up. FML

somehow I don't believe you

I have 2 undergraduate degrees & my MBA. ÷÷ I've been a bartender fothe past 15 yearsrs - I make morbartenderng than I ever did 'using' my education. FML

dear abby

So me and my girlfriend has been dating for years & the sex life is kind of dying. How do I get it without asking ??‍♂️

That's it for now. We'll be back next week for some more weirdness because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself while they are sent in by using the Moderate the FMLs feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird stories to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!