Here Are This Week’s Top 10 Funniest Comments!
10. The possibilities are endless, Regulate!
Today, while sharing my screen with our tech guy at work, I forgot he was there and opened Facetime to pick a zit on my chin. After going in for the squeeze, I horrifyingly remembered he could see everything and quickly closed it. After a few seconds, he said, "Did you get it?" FML
“I realise I'm not using technology to it's full potential.”
9. You might be, Tarlachia, but it’s an interesting thought nonetheless.
“I can't be the only one who thought you had a giant magnet that pulled another car into yours.”
8. I don’t think that’s the preferred terminology these days, but I see what you’re getting at, RichardPencil.
Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML
“Very inappropriate! Your sign-off should have read: ‘Mentally challenged!’ and then your signature.”
7. Still something, Burle!
Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML
“What size engine, brand, model?”
“I get the feeling he might be able to tell us what colour it is”
6. Duly noted, Dave_Davington.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
“That's a lesson for you, kids. Before getting frisky, always smell the area to make sure it's clear of pervs.”
5. Jay and Silent Bob are always welcome on the list, PennyLane27, maharb01, and sumocj.
Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML
“’15 bucks, little man. Put that shit in my hand. If the money doesn't show, then you owe me, owe me, owe!’”
“like jungle love!”
“I think I'd like to know ya know ya. Yeah what!”
4. Exactly, gobiteme2.
“Wow, are you saying all girls that go out are dogs?”
3. Because there’s such a thing as too much pussy, pjsr.
“If your morning wood is big enough to be mistaken for a scratching post, that's something to brag about! Still, looks like you got a little more pussy than you wanted.”
2. The perfect reference, coolmike699.
Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML
“This is precisely why swords and guns are illegal in sensible countries.”
“’In America, you have the right to be stupid.’ -Fmr. Sec. of State John Kerry”
1. Good advice from 123765.
“it you have your receipt just take it back and get a refund if it doesnt look used”
CLEARLY EXPRESSED OPINIONS AWARD
"I like beards”
“I don't like beards”
THE FATAL ERROR AWARD
Today, I crashed into a pole on purpose as a cop pulled me over for speeding. I figured the officer would feel bad for me and that the cost of fixing my car would be less than a ticket. He gave me one anyway. FML
“Please don't experience the miracle of sex. You're children will come out with an IQ of 2.”
“Oh the irony.”