Here Are This Week’s 15 Top Comments!
Before you guys skim through this, I just want to commend you for your excellent comments this week! The shortlist for this week’s countdown was actually very, very not short, so I decided to throw in five extra comments plus a handful of honorable mention awards. Get ready to giggle and keep the good stuff coming!
15. A baby’s gotta do what a baby’s gotta do...and apparently, this baby really needed to make a call.
“Has watching Rugrats taught you nothing about babies?”
14. Warning! No lifeguard on duty.
“Technically, you both had the runs! Be safe and walk when you're around pools!”
13. This comment touched my heart, as I literally use skittles as self-prescribed anxiety medication (sour skittles, mind you). Does wonders.
“They make great pills for hypochondria for sale over-the-counter: Skittles”
12. Life’s a challenge when you live in a cartoon.
“They should really clean up that pile of banana peels.”
11. He’s not horsing around with his puns!
“That sounds like a most foal experience. Still, at least your nightmare is over. Hopefully there'll be niegh more of this kind of horseshit from your father from now on.”
10. “Take your attitude to the men's section of kmart, 'cause you need to cut me some slack.”
“He sounds like a Jerry”
9. Let’s get literal! Literal!
“Hey, at least you got a blow job.”
8. And I’m guessing they’re not type A.
“Your personality must be fantastic.”
“Yeah, OP must have a real nice pair of personalities to land guys like that.”
7. Sometimes the pun is the best when it’s tried and true.
“I guess neither your housemate nor your friend are berry impressed with you.’’
6. TWOFER: because they’re both just too good.
“I guess something went up when something else was supposed to go down.”
“At least you have an answer to the whole, "working hard or hardly working" question.”
5. Roses are red, I like to ski,
“Love is blind, and so is she.”
4. Actually, he doesn’t use Trojans, since they weren’t huge fans of walls.
“Is he gonna make Trojan pay for his condoms?”
3. Unrelated: did you guys know Christmas is just 8 weeks away?!
“...and a partridge in a pear tree!”
2. This comment is a sight for sore eyes.
“I guess it’s not looking good for a second date, and you certainly won’t be seeing her anymore. Did you find her on a dating sight?”
1. Short, subtle. 10/10 Perfect execution!
“That barely makes any cents.”
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
“Don’t try to kiss a horse today.”
“Well, at least you didn't get bit in the face by a horse”
“sounds like you should just stay away from horses lol”
-Chelsea Ann Lyttle
“Ah, you must have been the blind date.”
BREEDING BADASSES AWARD
“There's your problem right there. "pet" chicken. My 2 year old daughter knows that the birds in the yard, and the birds in the freezer are both chicken. And my 5 year old (who has fired a gun, operated the Bobcat, helps in the kitchen, and has seen me kill several foxes, and coyote that were after the chickens) requests a chicken by name(and yes they're labeled)for supper. Kids these days cant handle shit.”
“More like a lesson on what's a pet animal and what's a dinner animal.”
“Every pet you've ever had was edible. They're all dinner animals. But I bet you'd have been upset if someone ate one of them.”
“Your husband is an utter twatwaffle.”
SAVAGE ROAST AWARD
“Most girls don’t like the extra skin so they did you a favor.”
“It's not extra, it's meant to be there. You look like you've got a bit extra nose from your profile pic. Fix it, men don't like it. That's fair to say by your reasoning isn't it?
GOT YOUR BACK, DICK AWARD
“Everyone needs to back off Richard, just because you have insufficient grey matter between your ears to understand the jokes doesn’t then give you the right to rip on him. Don’t worry Richard bro I got your back ??”
“Those were fist bump emojis btw”
OLD EL PASO AWARD
“Your husband has a secret. Or your life is in danger”
“Why not both?”
“*Plays Mexican Music*”
“My Tindermatch lies besides me, we're married now. He's still in my phone as Tinderdate tho lmao.”
WTF WAS UP WITH YOUR CHINESE TEACHER AWARD
“What? This just leaves more questions than answers for me. How does one spill tampons? Is this a new phrase for the children, or are you jumping on your desk and firing them out your cooch like a bottle rocket whenever you get mad? PLEASE say it’s the second one. It’ll remind me of my Chinese teacher.”