Here Are The Top 10 Comments Of The Week!
10. I see what you did there...
Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML
"Probably for the breast- er i mean best" -TumblrweedPasses
9. 'Twas destiny.
"The universe has spoken. Unfortunately, you didn't bother listening to the cat first..." -Abbusser
8. Thanos did nothing wrong.
"To be fair, the obese people have more mass so that means they have more momentum." -nentenkupo
"But they have to overcome more inertia at a standstill first. Balanced, as all things should be." -Johnny5
7. Tsk tsk.
Today, I was stopped by a cop whilst opening my front door. Apparently my house has been under investigation for being abandoned and a possible drug lab. I live alone with my cats. I knew it was sad, not that it was suspicious. FML
"You were illegally growing catnip, weren't you?" -Glowworm56
6. For serious.
"Geico is taking its new marketing campaign really seriously" -LadyRen
5. No ifs, ands, or butts.
Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML
"now the only way to fix this is to projectile shit on their bed as well." -Nikki K
4. I see you are quite the raconteur.
"Hope you’re oaky." -Jeremy Phillips
"oh he will be fine, he'll just need to log that in." -TheBigSneeze
"Fuck that was beautiful" -Jeremy Phillips
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
"You win phlegm, you lose phlegm." -chyiochan
"You’ll get them back in a day or so, but this month you’re going to have a shitty outlook on life." -RichardPencil
"that's a better psychic reading than most these days." -bluhbluhbluh
1. Oh yeah, baby.
"If you tell us you had cake after that, it will be the most satisfying erotic story I've ever read." -PhoenixChick
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
"At least she didn't find them in her pears." -BurnInDemonFire