Here Are The 9 Funniest Comments From This Week
9. It's because he doesn't know how he got there, GOSH.
"Why call the police?
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“I’m in California.”
"Looks like she's given this some forethought." -BiGTiMeNeRD
7. Your baby is totes cooler than you and has probably seen some shit.
Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML
“On the plus side, your baby has street cred now.” -bluhbluhbluh
6. So punny.
"His loss. Girl don’t even sweat it.” - fueledbysarcasmandcoffee
5. This, guys, is what teamwork looks like.
“My brother got one that said, “Wash warm. Tumble dry.”” -RichardPencil
“That’s weird. The label in my shirt told me that “Happiness is the fountain of life”” -manb91uk
4. Let me straight with you, ma.
Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML
"It might be faster for us to list the places my mouth hasn't been on him." -ChakatBlackstar
3. STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY.
“That apple will DEFINITELY keep the doctor away.” -Anthony Ginder
2. So help me, the tooth fairy.
Of course, you’ll have to go to court and tell the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.” -RichardPencil
1. You were all thinking it!
“Here's a good life hack for all you parents of loud, screamy little fuckers. Not only is the overhead compartment great for an impromptu time out, as an added bonus it also helps to muffle his screaming.” -Dave_Davington
ULTIMATE META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
(It's what happens when people can't behave on airplanes and people see a trend.)
"I will not stop farting. Not till that peacock stops staring at me, that kid stops screaming like a demon reject, and that chick puts her panties back on." -Chris Ratliff Jr.