Here Are The 10 Funniest Comments Of The Week!
10. So it would seem...
"Flowers and poetry are so outdated. These days, it's all about dick pics." -Dave_Davington
9. Something's blowing in the wind.
Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
"Well you could always blow some divorce papers his way." -acmariner99
8. How Sinister
Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML
"someone didn't want you to make it to thirty it seems" -Justkidding100
7. It's all about timing.
Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML
"Pull out game is weak..." -Abbusser
6. Bad Form
"Generally bad form to attend meetings with a beer in your hand." -TheSminty1
Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML
"Your boss is just jealous that he didn’t get a one night stand also." -Zekfen
4. Raccoon Lover
"This is cruel and unusual treatment! What would children think, seeing this poor abuse? Someone should be fined for this travesty! Cotton candy is a precious substance and should be enthusiastically eaten, rather than used to make fun of trash pandas." -corrupteddevil
Today, while picking up my dog from the groomer, the back of my hand accidentally brushed against the entire side of her boob. She stopped talking mid-sentence. I'm going to need to find a new groomer. FML
"I’m confused, you have a talking dog?" -Robert Harrison
"Always take a sober friend with you. This whole incident could have been avoided with the words "That's not a dildo!"." -BurnInDemonFire
"Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough." -blightsight
"You lay there, they bring you food and let you up to pee. Vague spectre of death around. Sounds like a nursing home." -PhoenixChick
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML
"Walking on eggshells in the Friend Zone? I’d rather take a wasp sting to the scrotum!" -RichardPencil
That's all for this week, folks! Which one was your favorite?
If you didn't make the list, don't be discouraged. Good comments will always slip through the cracks. Hopefully we'll catch you next week!