Here Are The 10 Funniest Comments Of The Week
10. What are they feeding you?
Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML
"All I can picture is the Smelly Cat Friends episode... " -RJR
9. That's gotta hurt...
Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML
"Now the term "broke-ass" has a literal connotation!" -RichardPencil
"This is so romantic I can bearly stand it" -psjr
"Have you tried not drinking?" -distortedcognition
"I hear death from dehydration is in this season" -xSphinx
Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
"Your wife literally made you bust a nut." -geekynerd88
5. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
"Shrek said "Better out than in" but I don't think he meant to that extent. Do some laundry, and don't boo-poo about it OP!" -EILIABNMAD
4. Study A Broad
"They’ve really expanded these educational exchange programs lately!" -pjsr
3. Be More Speciic...
"That's patheic" -PhoenixChick
2. Pun Intended
"You should see things are not looking good for you. Eye observe this is not a good sight for getting sympathy or helpful tips — just high brow comments we should just keep a lid on." -RichardPencil
Today, my family and I went to Olive Garden. Due to my autism, I sometimes have a nervous tic, which presented itself while I was looking at the menu. I would have appreciated it if my mom hadn't then screamed at me to stop in front of the entire restaurant. FML
"I hear ya, I have a nervous tic everytime I go into Olive Garden. It makes me leave and go eat literally anywhere else." -PhoenixChick
META COMMENT BONUS ROUND
"He probably farts in the restaurants" -melisssa87
That's all for this week, folks! Thanks to all who brave downvotes, sass, and strife to keep our comment section lively and fun. Even if you've never made this list, your services are truely appreciated. May the jokesters outshine the negative nancies forever and always.
Best of luck for next week!