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Here Are 12 Of The Funniest Comments From This Week!

By nadine / samedi 24 mars 2018 05:30
The moment you've all been waiting for has arrived. People are stepping up their game and leaving funny comments left and right, and we've gathered the best just for you! Yes, you! The person who consistently comments on FMLs and takes the time to think of something witty to say. We see you and we appreciate you! Now get on up here and collect your trophy.

12. Insensitivity FTW!

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

By Worst City in the World - / Thursday 22 March 2018 15:00 /

“New high score!” -Donut_Wizard  

11. AMIRIGHT? UP TOP!

Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 18 March 2018 15:00 /

"Childhood friend', more like 'Childmaking friend'" -ARISKomuniszt

10. 10/10 Can visalize. 

Perfect timing!

Today my fiancé broke up with me. Two hours later, the store I bought my dress from called to say it’s ready to be picked up. FML

By Savanerzz - / Sunday 18 March 2018 01:30 /

“It’s time for an overly dramatic B-movie style revenge montage.” -Donut_Wizard  

9. Hate to be the one who has to tell you this, but...

#rude

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

By friendless - / Monday 19 March 2018 11:00 / United States - Spokane

“I think your friend count has an off-by-one error.” -RichardPencil  

8. Take this sign, jerk.

Today, my boss yelled at me in front of several customers for gesturing too much while I talk, because it's "unprofessional". I was using sign language. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 19 March 2018 15:00 /

“Too bad you couldn’t show him a more fitting gesture....”- Leeono  

7. There's always room for a pee joke!

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

By PeedMom - / Friday 16 March 2018 09:00 / United States - Cedar Bluff

“Urine for a difficult journey home” -manb91uk  

6. Any twist would have been better, my dude.

“#15 Phew, rest assured the rich man has his own penis. That would have been a way better twist to Fifty Shades of Grey though, am I right?” -DragonMaiden7  

5. Eight six seven five three oh ni-i-i-i-ne

Today, while serving at my restaurant, a mother acted as a wing-woman for her son by insisting I read a note he'd written, asking for my number. I had to awkwardly reject the guy in front of his entire family, before having to keep serving them for another hour. FML

By kill me - / Tuesday 20 June 2017 04:00 /

“My girl Jenny has the best number. 867-5309 (insert your own zipcode)” -jessicasoho

4. Yikes. Better use protection next time. 

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

By cleb - / Thursday 22 March 2018 01:30 /
“Think my girlfriend had cherimoya once but pretty sure she just needed some antibiotics.” -Davros  

3. Ah, crazy work shenanigans. 

“Man, I hate it when that happens! You're just walking along minding your own business when you slip and your penis falls into a bag in a.... Such a pain in the ass.” -manb91uk  

2. OK no one let this person eat Chinese food ever again.

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

By ReallyUniverse?? - / Sunday 18 March 2018 19:00 /

“Everyone is thinking it, so I’m just going I say it. Chinese food... Dogs…” -Donut_Wizard

1. TELL ME you didn’t just get the song stuck in your head

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

By oh my soul - / Wednesday 14 March 2018 01:30 /

“This sounds like a Barenaked Ladies song” -SamanthaThe1st

META COMMENT BONUS ROUND

 

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

By PeedMom - / Friday 16 March 2018 09:00 / United States - Cedar Bluff

“Hopefully, your underwear was of the K-Mart brand so you’ll be all set for your next business presentation!” -RichardPencil  

“Did you try to dry them off using the airplane vent afterwards?” - Zekfen

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