By TCRII - 28/3/2018 01:30 Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML I agree, your life sucks 5806 You deserved it 722 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ep1cF4ce - 26/7/2011 04:03 - United States Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML I agree, your life sucks 35962 You deserved it 3405 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sodapop40 - 21/6/2020 05:05 "Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing… Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML I agree, your life sucks 1409 You deserved it 100 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck but no fuck - 2/8/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML I agree, your life sucks 51929 You deserved it 28201 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 20:09 - Reserved Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML I agree, your life sucks 43213 You deserved it 8028 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By papertrains - 20/2/2010 15:13 - Singapore Today, I went to the hospital to get my ingrown toenail removed. The doctors put me on a little surgery table and told me to relax. They then injected anesthetic into my toe four times and used a pair of scissors to slowly cut through my nail. Only, the anesthetic hadn't started to work just yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 32737 You deserved it 2660 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By englishornah - 23/4/2015 02:53 - United States - Somerset Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML I agree, your life sucks 27327 You deserved it 5615 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TooShort - 3/5/2009 14:06 - United States Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML I agree, your life sucks 54260 You deserved it 8534 355 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoBalls - 12/6/2009 00:23 - United States Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML I agree, your life sucks 105175 You deserved it 22405 281 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By niiiiiiiiiikki - 8/1/2011 20:35 - United States Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML I agree, your life sucks 27413 You deserved it 2475 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By purpletrout - 30/11/2016 06:39 - United States - Lansing Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 10290 You deserved it 1043 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Why Me - 12/8/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML I agree, your life sucks 30283 You deserved it 2846 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By missingno007 - 28/8/2017 07:00 - United States - Clarkesville Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML I agree, your life sucks 3265 You deserved it 336 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 00:45 - Germany Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 36960 You deserved it 5058 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By icanteven - 12/9/2013 01:12 - United States - Florence Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML I agree, your life sucks 51747 You deserved it 2902 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Repethetic - 2/4/2015 12:20 - Australia - Sydney Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML I agree, your life sucks 28691 You deserved it 4790 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML I agree, your life sucks 51612 You deserved it 7416 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CosmicJoke - 12/8/2009 14:20 - United States Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 52887 You deserved it 5358 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckingjesusgran - 7/5/2013 22:13 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML I agree, your life sucks 47086 You deserved it 3510 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BurnBabyBurn - 22/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Roberta Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 6588 You deserved it 592 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/2/2011 20:59 - United States Today, the midwest blizzard hit my town, burying the roads in snow. All the local stores are closed. I'm not only currently on my period, but I'm out of pads and toilet paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 47366 You deserved it 10431 226 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LonelyBoy - 1/2/2011 13:05 - Australia Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML I agree, your life sucks 30985 You deserved it 3875 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LNamesOnly - 9/7/2012 07:31 - Australia Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML I agree, your life sucks 31536 You deserved it 4158 299 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kk - 25/6/2011 19:41 - United States Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML I agree, your life sucks 32186 You deserved it 4751 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - 23/1/2011 18:44 - United States Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML I agree, your life sucks 29146 You deserved it 2595 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stretchy - 6/5/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda Better safe Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML I agree, your life sucks 57468 You deserved it 9287 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grimmy - 17/3/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML I agree, your life sucks 18520 You deserved it 9599 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bitter cherry - 29/9/2010 21:29 - United States Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML I agree, your life sucks 25031 You deserved it 3710 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bookworm94 - 27/7/2009 04:10 - United States Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML I agree, your life sucks 51459 You deserved it 16608 269 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lickmylovepump - 19/1/2012 04:09 - United States Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML I agree, your life sucks 20343 You deserved it 35356 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dwhite032 - 6/6/2011 07:06 - United States Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML I agree, your life sucks 38371 You deserved it 6825 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 12:53 - United States Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML I agree, your life sucks 27012 You deserved it 12091 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By samantha - 4/3/2009 00:18 - United States Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML I agree, your life sucks 70227 You deserved it 3793 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JustMyLuck - 12/2/2010 14:14 - Canada Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML I agree, your life sucks 32124 You deserved it 4825 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/6/2012 09:45 Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML I agree, your life sucks 36161 You deserved it 5641 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - 31/3/2011 07:20 - United States Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML I agree, your life sucks 29505 You deserved it 11125 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lolwtfbbq444 - 15/1/2012 10:24 - Australia Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML I agree, your life sucks 36973 You deserved it 3763 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 14:10 - United States - Gainesville Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML I agree, your life sucks 26878 You deserved it 3524 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By not even interested - 15/10/2017 16:00 Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML I agree, your life sucks 4088 You deserved it 192 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 05:06 - United States - Caldwell Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML I agree, your life sucks 39112 You deserved it 3548 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned... I agree, your life sucks 196 You deserved it 40 1 Comments
Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't... I agree, your life sucks 269 You deserved it 977 5 Comments
