Game of Thrones S07E05 : a round-up of last night&#039;s 20 best reactions!

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Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

By aridaley - 21/5/2011 23:33 - United States

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Today, I found my car completely vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck". Hannah? FML

By Camm. - 15/1/2009 23:32 - United States

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Today, someone threw a sausage roll in my truck, but I ignored it because I was about to start a 2 day round trip. 6 hours later, I stopped for coffee. I have seen that it was a massive dildo, the ones with a suction cup on the base. The suction cup had stuck the massive dildo in the door for 6 hours and 200 miles. FML

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 05:00

A beautiful truck decoration

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Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

By Lackadaisical - 15/1/2010 00:01 - United States

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Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

By Ohnowhy - 9/9/2018 18:30

Awkward...

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Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

By Emma-Louise - 20/5/2011 19:46 - France

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Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

By Hello condoms and lube - 9/2/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Lewes

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Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

By poolfail - 6/8/2014 21:14

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Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

By knighton16 - 17/7/2010 18:23 - United States

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Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

By Miko - 1/2/2009 16:45 - United States

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Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

By it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - 12/4/2013 17:21 - United States - Roselle

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Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

By Uriah - 3/7/2009 04:20 - United States

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Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

By udnrizh - 8/10/2010 02:58 - United States

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Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn’t unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML

By Anonymous - 22/6/2019 20:04

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Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML

By Anonymous - 2/12/2009 19:25 - United States

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Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML

By solitaire - 20/7/2013 08:14 - United States - Enumclaw

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Today, I killed a pigeon. It choked to death on a piece of bread I threw its way. FML

By bouda - 15/5/2011 18:19 - France

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Today, my stepfather woke me up at two in the morning just to tell me he bought a sandwich. FML

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 20:00

Breaking news

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Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML

By ummmmEW - 13/2/2010 00:04 - United States

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Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML

By poisonivyandbigfoot - 10/9/2017 20:30 - United States - Denver

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Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

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Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

By Wendie - 18/4/2011 16:10 - United States

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Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

By Anonymous - 1/3/2011 16:21 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

By Anonymous - 2/2/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

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Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

By Brooke - 14/8/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

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Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 17:50 - United States

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Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

By Anonymous - 25/2/2014 21:17 - United States - Fort Worth

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Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

By yardswoman - 29/6/2016 23:01

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Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

By paprikarulz - 1/7/2009 10:31 - Australia

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Today, I was thinking about how I saw Eric from That '70s Show at an airport and never said anything to him. I still regret it. FML

By thisshtissad - 22/9/2019 02:01

Travel away from the sadness

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Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

By noexceptions - 11/11/2009 05:16 - United States

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Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 17:14 - Sweden - Floda

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Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

By Malakai - 23/10/2018 22:00

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Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 13:06 - United States - San Francisco

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Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

By segal1010 - 28/2/2013 00:27 - United States - Potomac

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Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 05:41 - United States

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Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

By Drew - 5/8/2010 05:18 - United States

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Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

By NoComparison - 14/5/2009 00:59 - United States

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