FML World Spotlight

710

Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or widthwise. FML

Meanwhile in Russia...

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By Robin - Russia

717

Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I started pulling on all the available levers. Can some one explain to me why the main alarm lever was in the toilet? FML

Hmm, what does this button do...

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By touche-à-tout - Japan - Tokyo

703

Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet. It’s just a pity that Google is banned in China. FML

Does this mean I'm just on vacation now?

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By bleroh - China

767

202

Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to confirm whether my country, Madagascar, really existed or not. Then, he took a picture of himself with me so he could show his kids that people actually live in their favorite cartoon’s country. FML

You mean there are more than just talking penguins there?!

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By nomade319 - Canada - Winnipeg

815

Today, at work I asked a woman how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she said, I just replied with, "oh that's good." What she told me that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

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By Nina / Tuesday 25 April 2017 12:36 /

FMLNews

Very fishy

In-laws, in-fighting

Modern Family

By fistpumpin4life - France

10556

33255

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

By Anonymous - Canada

45699

5234

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

By peallow - Puerto Rico - San Juan

56729

20041

Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

By Rabite - Germany

14526

5247

Today, in an effort to be fitter, I joined a Pilates class. Ten minutes into it, I dropped a 10-pound dumbbell on my face. I now have a horrific looking black eye, and half of my cheek is a mottled green color. Not to mention the cut above my eye that needed 4 stitches. FML

By Rowaelin16 - United States - Crystal Lake

11695

1559

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

By bruh_im18 - United States - Metairie

12920

2544

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Chicopee

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3183

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

By Susan - Ireland

54484

15955

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

By What a happy day - Australia - Brisbane

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Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

By spandex - United States

85289

11886

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking wrong metro twice, only to find that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

By risingtide

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1134

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

By meltdowninrels - New Zealand - Wellington

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5093

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

By BadKitty - Australia - Invermay

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Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

By dmvsucks - United States

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Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

By Anonymous - Canada

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Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

By HK - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

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Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Pratt

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Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

By Ms Yeins - Belgium - Mechelen

2057

162

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

By Anonymous - Sweden

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6080

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

By wtf - United Kingdom

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Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

By loser - United States - Washington

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Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

By ellarose - United States

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Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

By saltynutz20 - United States

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Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 07:58

Mystery woman

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Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

By Anonymous

It's just me

1968

303

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

By audied - United States

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Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

By FoxyManicLiar - France

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Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

By Airplane crap - United States - Leavenworth

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Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

By Anonymous - Australia

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Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

Online life

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Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg

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Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

By therundown - United States

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Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

By unlucky - United States - Wheeling

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Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

By Anonymous - United States - Monson

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Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

By ipayyourbillsgorramit - Australia - Queanbeyan

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Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

By lily - 13/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Disinterested

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Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

By Ineedjustice03 - Singapore

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Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

By - India - Pune

Send help!

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