FML's Survival Kit #21
Here's this week's collection of cool stuff that you definitely need! We make absolutely no money from this column, the revenue it generates is hardly worth our time, but we enjoy doing it.
Our team of geeky friends and colleagues, as most of you wonderful people are, is really into gadgets, games and weird stuff to play around with. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things we all like, what makes us all giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for upcoming events like birthdays, wakes and other fun things.
Cats and pizzas!
"Far our, maaaan. Yeah, this week I'm talking sartorial skills and this selection of t-shirts is amazing ! I really like the cat/pizza one, as shown here. But there's quite a few more if you click on it. Oh don't start that clickbait stuff with me, I'm not in the mood. It's spring, time to get rid of all the stuffy clothes and chill out in something a bit more funky. See ya down the beach! It's cats and pizzas, what's not to love?"
"So, if we're heading down the beach or the pool, you're going to need a floatation device. This unicorn gets my vote, so if you and your friends are anything like me and mine, we'll be heading down the reservoir to float about in the sun on our unicorns, thank you very much. Don't forget the suntan lotion and a hat. I tend to burn up when exposed to sunlight, but then again, who's gonna float about on a unicorn in the rain?"
Time to shoot
"OK so last time I joked about with a gun, pretending I was gonna shoot the place up or shoot myself in the head. My presence in this week's column means that I did no such thing. Sorry for the shitty humor, it's just that guns are a dividing issue, I was trying to shine a light on… Oh screw it. Here's a mug with corgi butts on it. At least this time I can actually say that corgi butt do actually drive me nuts. Not as much as, say, they drive the Queen of England nuts, but I'm getting there."
Watcher of the skies
"I'm a stargazer. Have been ever since I heard David Bowie singing 'There's a staaaaaarman waiting in the sky', I've always liked looking up at the stars and wondering what sort of loon thinks that the Earth is flat. I know this isn't the right forum for this but… have these people never been to school. All you need is one of these babies and some notions of physics and stuff and you can check out cheeky Jupiter and red old Mars, all orbiting the Sun. Of course, one day, the Sun will implode and all life will end but that's months away."
Let's pretend we're stoners
"I'm a cat. My human thinks it's really funny to pretend that he's giving me weed, like some people smoke to chill out to while listening to early Genesis albums. I don't smoke because I don't know how to roll jazz cigarettes, but catnip sure does drive me a bit wild. I don't know why. There's probably a scientific explanation, but I'm a cat. I have no concept of science and how things do what they do. All I know is that this stuff makes me feel all nutso. More!"
Diamonds are forever
"I love this strange jewelry, it's so cute. I'm not sure what it's for, so for now I'm put it in the earth around my favorite plant. I guess that's what it's for. My boyfriend sent me these things but he's off on a course so I'll have to wait until he gets back so he can explain what they're actually for. I can't fit them in my ear, so I'm flummoxed. I'll just keep trying to figure them out. They're very pretty, I'm guessing I should keep them on me at all times, but how and where?"
The price is right
"I love having a laugh. Being British, I have a pretty weird sense of humor. After all, I come from the country that gave the world Monty Python, The Mighty Boosh, anything Chris Morriss is involved in, and Big Train. If you don't know any of those names, check them out. Anyway, I like anti-jokes. Cliché-d jokes are just so boring. Get this book, if you don't find it funny, we can't be friends."
Now more than ever
"I've been trying to get fit and lose weight, and someone suggested I track everything I do and eat. So I got a Fitbit Charge 2, and enter everything I eat on My Fitness Pal app. And what do you know? I've lost nothing. Nah, only kidding. It works fantastically. It tells you to take at least 10000 steps a day, and if I've come up short at the end of the day, I start jogging around my apartment. Fad diets are stupid. Just get one of these and count your calories!"
That's it for this week. Hope you enjoyed our selection, and maybe even bought a few things! See you soon.