FML's Survival Kit #15
Here's this week's collection of cool stuff that you definitely need! We make absolutely no money from this column, the revenue it generates is hardly worth our time, but we enjoy doing it.
Our team of geeky friends and colleagues, as most of you wonderful people are, is really into gadgets, games and weird stuff to play around with. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things we all like, what makes us all giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for upcoming events like birthdays, bar mitzvahs and other fun things. Check 'em out.
"I've been feeling a bit nostalgic recently. I used to ride a BMX bike when I was a teenager, doing all the stunts, spinning on my wheel nuts in the school parking lot, all the girls were wild for it, and the guys respected my skills. I also remember the first time I saw E.T., the movie about a migrant coming to the USA and kids being a lot more empathetic with his predicament than adults. How times have changed, huh? I cried in the cinema and my date called me a pussy. She ended up marrying some dude with a big truck and a meth addiction. Anyway, this t-shirt is well cool. Get it if you're into BMX and E.T."
Quotes on the internet
"There's a lot of quotes that are bouncing around the internet, which are all attributed to people who never actually said them. The one that really grinds my gears is John Lennon supposedly saying, "When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING OF THE SORT. This book is a collection of similar quotes and urban myths, and it's fun to read."
"I've been chilling out in the countryside over the last few days, and I've always liked drones, to spy on people of course, but also to check out what's going on around me. The last one I had got shot down by a farmer who thought it was a Russian satellite, so I got this cheaper one. It's just as good as the old one and doesn't make much noise, so you can try freaking the farmer out. He deserves it, paranoid twunt!"
Surveillance is good
"In the same vein as Victor's suggestion, I've got myself this camera to put at home. Nothing to do with being paranoid, it's just that I like to log in to it from the office so I can check out what's happening at home. I have several cats and I like checking up on them, because I suspect them of doing weird shit when I'm not around. They haven't so far. It's also a great investment if you are indeed paranoid and want to keep on eye on your property in general. No, I'm not the farmer who shot down Victor's old drone!!"
"My human is always on my case about various things that all cats do. Liking barfing on the bed. Usually he's quick enough to push me onto the tiled floor, but I go where I go. #sorrynotsorry, dude. You should feed me better. This book contains a lot of fun excuses that I could've written if I had opposable thumbs and the concept of written communication. Get it for the cat lover in your life."
"I like games. I like Cyanide and Happiness. This game is thus perfect for me. It's funny and great for a quiz night with friends. Bring booze along and it'll be even better, because booze always makes things better. No, I'm not an alcoholic. I just enjoy drinking more than I enjoy life itself."
"I was recording some songs in a studio recently, and we needed something to make one of the tracks stand out, something to give it a bit more OOMPH. So I got this triangle and added it to the track. Sounded great. It's also a great gift for that friend who takes it personally when you say you don't want kids, and they say "You just haven't met the right person" or "It's different when it's your own kid". Buy the kid this triangle, and that friend will be begging to come round your place for some childfree peace and quiet. Suckers!"
Hair, the non-musical
"I usually take care of my luscious, lovely hair, but I've been off camping with my girlfriend recently and this cap made me laugh, because when you're out in the wilderness, your hair goes to pot. Not as in smoking, but without a shower and conditioner, you learn to appreciate the way your hair is naturally. People bang on about 'going back to nature' all the time, but take away their hair-straighteners and make up, and they'll soon be crying for a hotel room. Camping is great, and this hat keeps my head looking smart when my follicules are all over the shop."
That's it for this week. Hope you enjoyed our selection, and maybe even bought a few things! See you soon.