FML's Survival Kit #13
Here's this week's collection of cool stuff that you definitely need! We make absolutely no money from this column, the revenue it generates is pityful. Really. It's all for shits and giggles. If this column were a shop, it would probably be called something like this one:
Our team of geeks, as most of you wonderful people are, is really into gadgets, games and weird stuff to play around with. This column will allow you to find out what sort of things our friends and us like, what makes us all giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for upcoming events like housewarmings, birthdays and other fun things. Check 'em out.
I need to relax
"It's getting hectic. My life is full of anxiety these days. I'm constantly at full speed, on my motorbike, in my car, in my wife… I need to chill out. So, I reached out to my past, to something that always calms my nerves: Lego. Making models just soothes me. Try it!"
"I don't like going outside. I said that last week. What I meant to say was that I hate people looking at me. This week I tried hiding my face behind a black mask. No, I'm not doing a Black and White Minstrel Show tribute, that would be awful. Anyway, it's good for the skin, so give it a go and scare your neighbors."
"This is a bunch of stickers, there's about 50. Or is it 100? I tried counting them all to check to see if the amount claimed on the website was correct, but I fell asleep. These are great for putting on your laptop, on your cat, on your car and on your mom."
Play play play
"I've been hanging out with a child recently. No, wait, that came out wrong. My sister's kid has been staying at our house, so I bought her some Play Doh and this famous hairdressing… head. The smell of Play Doh transports me right back to childhood, pre-school and that time I took a dump in my shorts in the school corridor. I was 19 then, though."
Don't be a mug, get a mug
"Got a cat? You're cool. Need a mug? Get this one. It symbolises what cats and cat people are all about. And don't get me wrong, I'm cool with dog people. I don't understand people who feel the need to oppose cat people to dog people. I've lived with dogs. Dogs are cool."
I splashed out
"OK, this one is a bit expensive, despite it being on sale. This price was reduced, and I really needed a Go Pro to film my boring, mundane life. My boyfriend wants to strap it to his head and go skateboarding, but he's crap at skateboarding and he's going to break it. So, buy it if you've got the cash, it's worth it."
Anyway, here's Wonderwall
"I play bass in a band. Big whoop. I also play the guitar, the banjo and all sorts of crap that have strings. I've even got a sitar (my George Harrison phase). This is a mandolin, but in banjo format. You can play the intro to R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion" in a cajun style and get away with it."
I'M THE CHOSEN ONE!
"I recently converted. I'm a born-again disguise addict! I was going to a famous fictional character-themed party, and I chose this one, but I got into trouble with a bunch of angry people who thought I was Jesus, disrespectful, not Russell Brand and sexy/rebellious. They pushed me into a lake."
That's it for this week. Hope you enjoyed our selection, and maybe even bought a few things! See you soon.