FML's Crazy Parent Groups

Social media brings like-minded people together. Great, right? Unfortunately, it also helps absolute nutjobs share their mad beliefs.

 

Hi gang!

If like me you enjoy going onto the internet to laugh at people's misfortunes and stupidity, well… you wouldn't be on FML. However, on the fringes of the world wide web, there's a subsection of weirdoes who have decided that they know better than actual specialists. You know the ones I mean. Usually parents, usually people who don't have to really worry about where their next meal is coming from, people who spend too much time thinking about THEIR right to CHOOSE instead of considering science and progress and… well, if you've made it so far without saying "Well, actually…", I'm preaching to the choir. For the rest of you, isn't it weird to you how people who don't have easy access to real medical supplies will walk miles to get them, instead of relying on crystals and essential snake oils?

I'm not judging. I'll let these examples of social media posts do the talking.

 

1 - Enema of the state

 

 

2 - Unravelled DNA is a new Heston Blumenthal dish

 

 

3 - SIDS of Christmas past

 

 

4 - Yeah, let's make our kid the school weirdo

 

 

5 - Sunscreen causes more skin cancer than the sun. Yes, people believe this.

 

 

6 - Nothing like a good conspiracy. Needs more chemtrails.

 

 

7 - Pregancy gatekeeping is also a thing. C-section birth = not a real mom.

 

 

8 - MY KIDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU

 

 

9 - The family that's gross together stinks together.

 

 

10 - You think someone would do that, just make shit up on the internet?

 

 

11 - Detoxing is bullshit, except with a potato

 

 

12 - Conspiracy part 2: the make-moms-work agenda

 

 

13 - I really hope this is satire

 

 

14 - You can now buy all sorts of things on Facebook

 

 

15 - Masterchef, Ironchef…

 

 

16 - Indoctrinate them as soon as possible

 

 

17 - Ignore doctors, let your kid suffer, then go to a quack

 

 

18 - Mom, you sound a bit psychotic

 

 

19 - What is it with ignoring doctors with these idiots?

 

 

20 - Let's tune into Sanity FM

 

 

21 - Casey Anthony had motherly instinct

 

 

22 - Harsh, but fair

 

 

23 - Best response I've seen so far

 

 

That's enough crazy for today. Phew. 

I think the whole antivax crowd deserve another article of their own, so stay tuned.

There's no real way of knowing if some of these aren't satire, but if you hang around Reddit and lurk on some Facebook groups, you'll spot some of these in the wild.

Oh, and be warned, if you're thinking of clogging up the comments with your "informed research" on vaccinations and various bullshit fearmongering based on some dumb book or YouTube guru, they'll be removed. I can however recommend actual science-based channels, such as the ones run by Myles Power and Jeff Holiday.

Take care, my friends. And vaccinate your kids. And your pets. Because, yes, that's a thing, apparently.

By Alan / Thursday 23 May 2019 05:30 /
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By  BurnInDemonFire  |  28

If anyone reading this is still unsure, or completely against, vaccinations, I do have an alternative, but it may be expensive, depending on where you live in the world. Firstly, you will need to track down Daniel Radcliffe. Next, prostrate yourselves before him, and beg him to use a spell that will cure your ailing child/ren (He will try to tell you that he's not really a wizard, but it's bullshit. He must have magic powers because he's British, and Americans have been hypnotized into believing it makes him sound intelligent and sexy, which is a lie, so him having wizard powers has to be the truth). After some fairly intense back-and-forth, he will relent after you compliment his work in Equus, and with a wave of his wand, your child will be cured. Please note, there is a side effect to this treatment. Your child/ren, after being treated, will turn ginger, and cannot be turned back. It happened to Rupert Grint. He used to be a little blond boy until J.K. Rowling cured his impetigo. So make sure you're okay with your child/ren becoming permanently ginger after being cured of whatever disease/virus they have. Good luck, and God be with you.

Comments
By  Charlie Given  |  21

The children of anti-vaxxers who live long enough to grow up will hate their parents knowing that they suffered when they did not have to because of their parents ignorance and selfishness, I suffered through the mumps and the measles as a child thankfully my grandmother took me and got me vaccinated so I survived to adulthood, all anti-vaxxers should be deported and have their children taken away.

By  BurnInDemonFire  |  28

If anyone reading this is still unsure, or completely against, vaccinations, I do have an alternative, but it may be expensive, depending on where you live in the world. Firstly, you will need to track down Daniel Radcliffe. Next, prostrate yourselves before him, and beg him to use a spell that will cure your ailing child/ren (He will try to tell you that he's not really a wizard, but it's bullshit. He must have magic powers because he's British, and Americans have been hypnotized into believing it makes him sound intelligent and sexy, which is a lie, so him having wizard powers has to be the truth). After some fairly intense back-and-forth, he will relent after you compliment his work in Equus, and with a wave of his wand, your child will be cured. Please note, there is a side effect to this treatment. Your child/ren, after being treated, will turn ginger, and cannot be turned back. It happened to Rupert Grint. He used to be a little blond boy until J.K. Rowling cured his impetigo. So make sure you're okay with your child/ren becoming permanently ginger after being cured of whatever disease/virus they have. Good luck, and God be with you.