FML's Alternative 4th of July Celebration!

Ah, America! Americans! It's the big celebration day today. Instead of getting all gung-ho and saluting the flag, let's do some gentle ribbing with a collection of weird and wonderful things some Americans have said and done!

America! Fuck yeah!

It's the 4th of July, so it's time to let off some fireworks and have a BBQ. Count us in! However, as this is FML, we couldn't help ourselves from poking some fun at what makes America so much fun, scary and omnipresent around the world and on the Internet.

Here's a collection of stuff stolen from Reddit and other outlets, containing rantings, memes, mistaken facts, amusing comebacks and love.

Get ready to meet people best represented by this car:

 

1 - Gung-ho trucks seem to be a thing.

 

 

2 - Who takes a gun to Disney World??

 

 

3 - This flag fetish is also a thing.

 

 

4 - It's sort of creepy.

 

 

5 - As for healthcare, the US system seems bonkers to outsiders.

 

 

6 - And is defended, under a post about how to save money on medication.

 

 

7 - It does bring out some twisted logic, with snappy comebacks.

 

 

8 - But no, no taxation on the rich! Please!

 

 

9 - Dead kids and statistics.

 

 

10 - Americans abroad, as here in Croatia, find the low cost of healthcare baffling.

 

 

11 - Oh, taxes are fine if we get a cool death plane!

 

 

12 - Foreign countries are not needed, if you ignore the old buildings.

 

 

13 - Romania speaks Spanish. Obviously.

 

 

14 - Pizza isn't Italian!

 

 

15 - As for northern Italy: no restaurants.

 


16 - I won't watch foreign language films. Make everything in AMERICAN.

 



17 - 10$ says this person has never been to France.

 



18 - As for the metric system, well…

 


19 - Facts.

 



20 - Metric system = millenials.

 



21 - Oh, and the dates are the wrong way round. Or are they?

 


22 - Celsius vs. Farenheit.

 


23 - Easy to remember.

 


24 - We've covered this, NASA used the metric system.

 


25 - As for politics, well… Believe in yourself, but don't get ideas above your station otherwise the boomers will get you.

 


26 - Americans are also obsessed with their heritage. The rest of the world just says "I was born *here*, so I am from *here*."

 


27 - When it's not stereotypes, it's wondering what to actually be.

 


28 - Or mixing racism with an ignorance of the entire country you claim to be descended from.

 


29 - I'm Dutch, but not actually Dutch. Jeez!

 


30 - Other countries are often viewed with suspicion (ie. ignorance). 

 


31 - Life's a beach.

 


32 - Flint, Michigan would like a word.

 


33 - History students are everywhere.

 


34 - And when they travel, places like this shop in France get one star for not accepting dollars or being in English.

 


35 - Same in… China.

 


36 - Britain bears the brunt of American ire.

 


37 - In the UK, people supposedly live in mouse houses.

 

38 - Flexing on having trashier people than the UK? You got it.

 


39 - The Queen's English can't spell anything.

 


40 - Austrians, Germans, Americans, Brits…

 

 
That's it for now!

FML hopes you enjoyed this bunch of nonsense, and if you're thinking of commenting something like "You hate America!!!!", think again, it'll just put you in the same category as some of the people above.
A nation that can laugh at itself is a nation that can rise above adversity. Stand tall, and feel the love from this silly collection.

Let's end with a classic bit from Doug Stanhope, who should be president.

See you soon, be excellent to each other, and enjoy this special day.

By Alan / Wednesday 3 July 2019 09:37 /
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