Dafuq is this book?
Fmylife’s World Tour book is released today. It collects the best of life's most horrible moments, shared by people from all around the globe, and includes exclusive new entries.
After three years of existence of Fmylife.com and about a billion visits, 5,800,000 FMLs have now been submitted from all around the world, of which 19,000 have been published. And guess what? Whatever the country of origin, its culture, or its history, we have now been able to scientifically prove that the same screw-ups happen to all sorts of people, every day.
Take a look and try and guess where these FML stories originate from (the right answers are at the end):
1- Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
2- Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me, which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML
3- Today, I had my hair cut and straightened to impress this girl at work. She seemed really impressed and acted really nice to me all of a sudden. Turns out it's just because she thinks I'm gay now. FML
4- Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML
5- Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh don't smile." FML
6- Today, in the early morning, a worker started drilling right in front of my window. He left 5 minutes after my alarm clock rang. FML
7- Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML
8- Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him; I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML
9- Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML
10- Today, my friend had to take my cat to be put down, since he has a tumor. I wasn't home, since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML
11- Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
12- Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML
13- Today, I was acting, as Prince Charming for a 5-year-old's birthday party. After my scene at the ball, the narrator asked the kids, "Was the Prince handsome?" and they all replied with a chorus of "Nooooo!" FML
14- Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
15- Today, I felt the urge to pee while skiing. The instructor pointed to some bushes. Once behind them, I dropped my pants and underwear, only to start sliding down the hill. Unable to stop, I slid out from behind the bushes and landed on my ass next to group waiting for me on the slope. FML
7- United Kingdom
12- New Zealand
Here's the home-made advertisement, it was created by our publisher with her own camera. Take that Steven Spielberg!