- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1651

You deserved it

169

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Walk on the wild side

Honesty is the best policy

Intense

By Nikki - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35989

You deserved it

91027

Favorite

By Deadbed

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1733

You deserved it

578

Favorite

By Anonymous - France - Saint-renan

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28090

You deserved it

4603

Favorite

By SilverAuthor - United States - Detroit

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15242

You deserved it

2012

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lincoln

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21992

You deserved it

3579

Favorite

By upset mom

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

580

You deserved it

5976

Favorite

By jcesom - United States

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41432

You deserved it

15888

Favorite

By mr_cheese - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17432

You deserved it

39996

Favorite

By StillBurning

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3619

You deserved it

635

Favorite

By T_Willl

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16917

You deserved it

57471

Favorite

By asdf - United States

Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she went back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47182

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33135

You deserved it

7669

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8533

You deserved it

67420

Favorite

By u raised him

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5277

You deserved it

542

Favorite

By pikachu - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29473

You deserved it

4488

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5234

You deserved it

502

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By forever_young - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13855

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1786

Favorite

By kerripjones - United States - Newark

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27145

You deserved it

2095

Favorite

By dearbailee - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25812

You deserved it

4076

Favorite

By Loner - United States - Paramus

Today, my buddy congratulated me on getting a girl's phone number written on my arm. I was too embarrassed to tell him it was the number I needed to find my furniture at IKEA . FML

I agree, your life sucks

2836

You deserved it

463

Favorite

By sorry :/ - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37945

You deserved it

2989

Favorite

By lezbplove - Canada

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55445

You deserved it

22900

Favorite

By daddydaughterWTF - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27405

You deserved it

2601

Favorite

By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34725

You deserved it

2367

Favorite

By Savannah - United States

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39964

You deserved it

2916

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 17:00

Business savvy

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1612

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By why? - 12/4/2020 17:00

Unreasonable demands

Today, my close friend who’s always been incredibly vocal about how much she hates children, never wants to be around them or have anything to do with them, stopped speaking to me. She’s incredibly "hurt" that I asked another friend to be my unborn child's godmother instead of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1929

You deserved it

141

Favorite

By LOLOLOLOL - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6381

You deserved it

37565

Favorite

By Iknowhowtoraisethem - United States - Woodridge

Today, my 25-year-old daughter, who normally doesn't drive, was out using the family car when she came back annoyed and emotional over the "stupid" cars heating being broken. She said no matter how high she turned it up it was still blowing cold air. I checked and it was set to A/C the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8292

You deserved it

901

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34336

You deserved it

3495

Favorite

By EpicFail - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27180

You deserved it

2704

Favorite

By nothotforteacher - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42816

You deserved it

2893

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6523

You deserved it

2112

Favorite

By davav74 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26549

You deserved it

1920

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24493

You deserved it

3004

Favorite

By Sios - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20880

You deserved it

2775

Favorite

By messyvictor - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33298

You deserved it

3065

Favorite

By daddylove - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says "Oh, honey. I don't care... Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48323

You deserved it

6888

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12430

You deserved it

1477

Favorite

By BrokeBride - United States - Hudson

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44326

You deserved it

3314

Favorite

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Top comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7551835 - Thursday 12 October 2017 15:52

I imagine that they're bitching about the electrical cables being an absolute fucking mess.

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7551835 - Thursday 12 October 2017 15:52

I imagine that they're bitching about the electrical cables being an absolute fucking mess.