- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1640

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Vulture

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Deadbeat

By ~~~ - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47452

You deserved it

4320

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41755

You deserved it

3286

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By ouchh - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45851

You deserved it

7292

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By Username - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44108

You deserved it

7919

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By g_unit - Canada

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37539

You deserved it

2607

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45538

You deserved it

2936

Favorite

By Cockroachphobic

Creepy crawlies

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1322

You deserved it

834

Favorite

By Picaresque - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

285155

You deserved it

67778

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By 613tanner

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13442

You deserved it

70143

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By diddlysquat - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12988

You deserved it

53537

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By epistaxis - Australia

My ears!

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43270

You deserved it

2627

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By Anonymous - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28459

You deserved it

6801

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47342

You deserved it

4887

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By fuckmyparents

Today, the school I applied to work for told me they were not going to schedule an interview. Why? Because they think my papers and name are fake. My name is Seymour Skinner. I’m not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2688

You deserved it

148

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By StupidBerk - United Kingdom

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27518

You deserved it

3140

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By Elis - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61533

You deserved it

4767

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom

Landlords are social parasites

Today, in the middle of a pandemic, which has made it impossible for me to get a job for the last 4 months, my landlord has decided the one thing I need is a rental increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1722

You deserved it

174

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27605

You deserved it

2776

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28120

You deserved it

1905

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2021 01:59

Close

Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1052

You deserved it

119

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By adrenochrome - Lithuania

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8876

You deserved it

43120

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By Noname - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

I agree, your life sucks

19206

You deserved it

69421

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By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32489

You deserved it

3429

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By mayerstexmex69 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33717

You deserved it

2243

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By BurnedByAWaiter

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41067

You deserved it

8261

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By bucollegegirl - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41625

You deserved it

6537

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By christian9294 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13889

You deserved it

55520

Favorite

By not-so-happy-feet - Canada

Today, I was at my friends birthday party, dancing bare foot because my feet hurt from the heels. Apparently, someone dropped a glass on the dancefloor and didn't warn anybody. I ended up having to drive myself to the emergency room because all my friends were "having too much fun to leave." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49946

You deserved it

6434

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37647

You deserved it

6135

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By RootalyTootToot

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3260

You deserved it

244

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16637

You deserved it

37520

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By pinkfloyd777

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44417

You deserved it

3826

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By jordy1995 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39342

You deserved it

3209

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By RyloGhyst - United States - Killeen

Today, after putting the same load of laundry through the wash four times, I was wondering why my clothes kept smelling worse and worse. Turns out, my cat learned how to open and pee in the detergent funnel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8414

You deserved it

843

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By Ashley - 15/4/2021 21:30

Itchy and Scratchy

Today, I was getting ready for a very unpleasant doctor's appointment. I got out of the shower and used a new body spray all over my torso and arms. Turns out I'm allergic to it and now my skin is on fire, so now I get to go to an already uncomfortable appointment even more uncomfortable than I'd planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

756

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Peoria

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38293

You deserved it

3186

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By Anonymous

A Different Kind of Tension

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with once before my current boyfriend. The guy told me he has chlamydia, and I should probably get tested. I had to call my boyfriend to explain what happened and tell him to get tested. I'm meeting his family this weekend at his sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

520

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5058

You deserved it

1311

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By itsnotthatIhatecharity

Today, I found out that because I, like many others, don't read the terms and conditions, I accidentally donated £200 to a charity because of a non-refundable payment on a volunteering trip. It's my parents' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1998

You deserved it

3055

Favorite

By hbt51 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23920

You deserved it

1935

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7541480 - Friday 15 September 2017 15:58

Looks like he’s taking a pooh.

By pjsr | 32

#7541798 - Saturday 16 September 2017 17:45

"Aww, poo! I was hoping I'd get the Snow White position!"

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7541480 - Friday 15 September 2017 15:58

Looks like he’s taking a pooh.

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7541638 - Saturday 16 September 2017 2:54

So, his job is to prance around as Winnie the Pooh to entertain snot nose, bratty kids.

By gobiteme2 | 34

#7541640 - Saturday 16 September 2017 3:02

Where's tigger

By pjsr | 32

#7541798 - Saturday 16 September 2017 17:45

"Aww, poo! I was hoping I'd get the Snow White position!"