- FML

By FML Approved

I agree, your life sucks

1633

You deserved it

188

Favorite

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

DINOSAURS!!

Sweet dude

By Anonymous

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2833

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By lalala - United Kingdom

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33889

You deserved it

7939

Favorite

By Msrebound

Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4793

You deserved it

583

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - State College

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41952

You deserved it

22552

Favorite

By Anonymous - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31893

You deserved it

1930

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28374

You deserved it

5473

Favorite

By Dilly - United Kingdom

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29666

You deserved it

9175

Favorite

By Academia - United Kingdom

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35595

You deserved it

2972

Favorite

By ananomoose - United States

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11598

You deserved it

92961

Favorite

By xetsa - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23618

You deserved it

3216

Favorite

By cl4ptp - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29065

You deserved it

7631

Favorite

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40142

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28975

You deserved it

4067

Favorite

By porkabye - United States - Duluth

Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40390

You deserved it

3088

Favorite

By power corrupts... - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33961

You deserved it

12010

Favorite

By edhalen - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13937

You deserved it

64143

Favorite

By Sad.To.Be.Me. - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28460

You deserved it

4419

Favorite

By Not-pregnant - United States - Melbourne

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43509

You deserved it

4859

Favorite

By masterfail - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6440

You deserved it

19680

Favorite

By Kens - Canada

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30283

You deserved it

106470

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43054

You deserved it

4096

Favorite

By momma6126 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale 2 doors down from me. In her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35456

You deserved it

2448

Favorite

By CathyMary - United States - New York

Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1949

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By noquiero - United Kingdom - Peterlee

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22930

You deserved it

3469

Favorite

By Rachel - United States

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51139

You deserved it

3231

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77710

You deserved it

7359

Favorite

By looking - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41297

You deserved it

17583

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 02:01

Does this smell bad?

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

293

You deserved it

602

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend started a conversation with "I don't want to break up" and ended the conversation with "I think I'd be better off alone." So I guess I'm now single. I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29000

You deserved it

2493

Favorite

By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45535

You deserved it

3611

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30260

You deserved it

2680

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22623

You deserved it

1721

Favorite

By Vercsi - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33143

You deserved it

2727

Favorite

By Courts - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5442

You deserved it

501

Favorite

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49353

You deserved it

19441

Favorite

By pasquale - Australia - Parramatta

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36933

You deserved it

5606

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got run over. Not by a car, but by a lady in a wheelchair. Am I really that invisible? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1516

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26731

You deserved it

1963

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43615

You deserved it

5761

Favorite

By TSampson - United States

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109924

You deserved it

11225

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7541480 - Friday 15 September 2017 15:58

Looks like he’s taking a pooh.

By pjsr | 32

#7541798 - Saturday 16 September 2017 17:45

"Aww, poo! I was hoping I'd get the Snow White position!"

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7541480 - Friday 15 September 2017 15:58

Looks like he’s taking a pooh.

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7541638 - Saturday 16 September 2017 2:54

So, his job is to prance around as Winnie the Pooh to entertain snot nose, bratty kids.

By gobiteme2 | 34

#7541640 - Saturday 16 September 2017 3:02

Where's tigger

By pjsr | 32

#7541798 - Saturday 16 September 2017 17:45

"Aww, poo! I was hoping I'd get the Snow White position!"