- FML

By FML Approved - 15/9/2017 14:36

I agree, your life sucks

1628

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DINOSAURS!!

Vultures

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 21/12/2015 14:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I learned that my girlfriend takes creepshots of me sleeping, and my mom likes them on her Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22014

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2134

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 00:29 - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41751

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3441

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28301

You deserved it

58873

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By anonymous - 12/10/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41585

You deserved it

4120

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By Donutsarelife - 19/11/2014 15:09 - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32972

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3936

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By it's just hair - 15/2/2018 19:00

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3889

You deserved it

722

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By inseriouspain - 22/8/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28389

You deserved it

14520

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By Bbrooks88 - 19/1/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4078

You deserved it

350

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By RDS - 8/7/2019 18:00

Today, I talked to my husband about leaving his parents' house. He said, and I quote, ''No. I don't want the responsibility of paying bills.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks

1686

You deserved it

595

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By Pisser - 26/6/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51068

You deserved it

5679

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By FailedTraveller - 4/7/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3537

You deserved it

329

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52880

You deserved it

5370

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By Fish - 7/4/2017 02:00

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4466

You deserved it

1463

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35551

You deserved it

4688

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By unlucky dudebag - 29/1/2011 07:29 - United States

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw and wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38502

You deserved it

4633

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By lpilou - 21/11/2008 05:40 - France

Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32651

You deserved it

10801

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By queenbee12345678 - 19/2/2012 19:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9886

You deserved it

26239

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By sincerely depressed. - 9/8/2012 21:42 - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

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7804

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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4193

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1252

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2018 19:00

Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3925

You deserved it

551

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By kilo1_13 - 4/6/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52875

You deserved it

2497

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By loud sweeper - 7/10/2019 06:00

Mrs Heckles?

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1999

You deserved it

120

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2013 21:37 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50044

You deserved it

4994

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By DogBeater - 21/6/2016 01:21 - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11929

You deserved it

826

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33678

You deserved it

5649

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By DCarreon - 4/10/2012 07:13 - United States - Ceres

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

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28212

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3246

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By socknotes - 9/3/2016 04:02 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a shifty customer came in to my store and was hanging around for about 30 minutes. Apparently, he took that time to put religiously-motivated anti-abortion notes into each and every pair of socks. In the following hours, I had 17 angry returns and was personally threatened twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19694

You deserved it

1417

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28165

You deserved it

7033

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By Dammit - 15/8/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38378

You deserved it

13836

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By ihateteenagers - 30/12/2011 02:12 - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50399

You deserved it

10014

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By ouch - 22/1/2013 02:41 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30561

You deserved it

6175

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By Nasty - 30/8/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34177

You deserved it

11519

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By lesson.learned - 21/1/2013 21:39 - United Kingdom - Littlehampton

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18028

You deserved it

50329

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By Doglover - 2/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3790

You deserved it

917

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By thanks a lot - 26/5/2020 08:00

Stay alert!

Today, my state began relaxing the quarantine order. We decided to take the kids for a nice picnic in the park to get them outside. First park we went to, we saw a homeless man openly pissing in the parking lot. Second park, we saw two teens fucking on the table. Day was officially ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1672

You deserved it

301

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 22:49 - United States

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37127

You deserved it

5349

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By soontobesingle - 27/3/2013 19:55 - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

I agree, your life sucks

62275

You deserved it

4270

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By john - 28/1/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37720

You deserved it

5114

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7756

You deserved it

54308

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By screwedupkid - 3/5/2012 17:45

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

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23433

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7541480 - Friday 15 September 2017 15:58

Looks like he’s taking a pooh.

By pjsr | 32

#7541798 - Saturday 16 September 2017 17:45

"Aww, poo! I was hoping I'd get the Snow White position!"

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7541480 - Friday 15 September 2017 15:58

Looks like he’s taking a pooh.

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7541638 - Saturday 16 September 2017 2:54

So, his job is to prance around as Winnie the Pooh to entertain snot nose, bratty kids.

By gobiteme2 | 34

#7541640 - Saturday 16 September 2017 3:02

Where's tigger

By pjsr | 32

#7541798 - Saturday 16 September 2017 17:45

"Aww, poo! I was hoping I'd get the Snow White position!"