And the FML that made you laugh the most this week is:

5712

338

Today, as a student reporter for our college newspaper, I interviewed the president of my university. I was surprised to get an interview with him, and because of my nerves, as soon as I walked into his office I tripped over my own feet and fell face first into the ground. FML

By Alan / Thursday 13 July 2017 15:39 / France

FMLNews

Walk on the wild side

Unreasonable

Gonna need more details, please

By texasrose921 - United States - Springfield

20608

2739

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML

By TheLostCauseFML

4838

959

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

By Anonymous

42289

13731

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

By Sally - United States

41869

13266

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

By Anonymous - United States

33516

2895

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

By Broke - United States

This is my life

1895

186

Today, my sister-in-law is refusing to let me or my children be a part of her kids' lives. She’s even going as far as trying to make my brother stop speaking to us as well. Why? Simply because I'm an atheist. FML

By hail science!

Heretic!

1751

328

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Bentonville

34907

2870

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

By Medic - United States - Puyallup

23524

4314

Today, I watched a YouTube video at work because I was bored. I forgot I was on a conference call and my computer's desktop was shared with 15 other people. No one said anything till it ended. FML

By anonymous

9390

44238

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

By daddy-to-be - United States

79937

17261

Today, I realized why my water bill has gone down so much. My 16 year old daughter now only feels it necessary to shower whenever her boyfriend is going to come over. FML

By OhBoy - United States - Lake Saint Louis

52019

5243

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

By CBM2012 - United States

29448

3611

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

By backtosquareone - Canada

45430

3988

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

By Anon - United States - Maidens

46796

5009

Today, the lip balms I ordered online finally arrived in the mail. After trying one out, my lips had an allergic reaction. It's a 4-pack. FML

By UnhappyLips

6783

1006

Today, I'm working in China and I had to explain to my boss that no, it's not okay to not pay me for 3 months. FML

By naas1201 - 28/11/2020 05:02 - China

Bigger cages! Longer chains!

812

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

By Jimbo - United States

36251

2786

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

By merpaderp14 - Canada

54960

5937

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

By busted - United Kingdom - Swansea

653

2120

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

By FastFoodWaiter - United States - Saukville

28238

1933

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

By Anonymous - Canada

22633

1700

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

By Shiet - Singapore

9788

21611

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

By CreeptacularBait

3389

787

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

By Angel - United States - Charlotte

27086

1739

Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML

By Liz - United States - Torrance

24191

3570

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

By Nightmares - United States

FML Uncensored

32454

8217

Today, I checked into a hotel for a work trip. When I walked in, the sheets and bath mat were stained, and there was soap-encrusted hair stuck in my folded towel. When I got back later in the day, all my stuff was gone because they apparently thought I'd checked out. FML

By cacheson

Trip Advisor rating: 5 turds

1633

104

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

By Anonymous - United States

50997

5040

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

By DravensMommy - United States

48422

2983

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

By no money anymore - United States

29438

5120

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

By webperson04 - United States

68299

3588

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

By jons - United States

51361

3579

Today, I found out I have another leak in my house. I've had three inspections and they were all shit. At this point, that pipe is the only remaining original pipe in the entire house. Over 25k have officially gone into this BS. Note to all: go "new." FML

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 11:01

Our House

800

106

Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML

By Dannotmann - 4/5/2021 22:01

That's awkward

239

2883

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

27820

3000

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

48718

3047

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

31602

7149

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

By Gabriela

35681

5860