All you need is one cat scratch too deep, a bit of bacteria and your hard-ons will be history!

If, like the FML team, you're constantly surrounded by cats, you'll know that their claws can often be found embedded in your skin. A cat scratch can get infected, obviously, but we had no idea it could potentially have an effect on your dong.

After the perma-erection, the non-erection

In Belgium, a 23-year-old man was scratched by a cat, and the subsequent infection caused him some flip trouble in the pants department. The bacteria is called Bartonelle henselae, and can be found in the mouths and claws of cats, who pick them up via flea bites and flea droppings. Little bastards.

What on earth was he doing to that cat?

Nothing perverted, we should hope. You just need a simple scratch on any part of your body for the bacteria to get in and start spreading their mischief. In this case, things could've gotten complicated or worse if they hadn't been treated in time. The young man was suffering with a pain in his testicles, but hadn't yet broken out into a fever, grown pustules and died. Thanks, modern medicine.

Dr. House

The young man revealed that he'd been bitten by a cat in his home (we don't know if it was the young man's home, the cat's home, or if they have some sort of non-binding roommate agreement), which had the doctor scratching his head (nothing to do with fleas, it's a cliché, and besides, most doctors wear flea collars nowadays). 

And what about my knob then?

The patient was treated with antibiotics for three weeks. According to his doctor, “The symptoms quickly vanished and he fully regained his erectile function. In this case the patient was unable to provoke erection despite his will even during periods of calm symptoms.” Sounds like hell.

Cat people, beware

Similar cases of bad reactions to catch scratches have resulted in the release of warnings, because the symptoms ranged from mild discomfort such as fever, fatigue, headaches and swollen lymph nodes to brain swelling and heart infections. The cases are pretty rare, so no need to panic and throw your poor cat into the shower.

It has been suggested that cat lovers should, however, wash their hands after cuddling/inconveniencing their pets!

By Johnny Hardon / Thursday 14 September 2017 15:51 /
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