By Anonymous

After shower

Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2575

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Vulture

Bass, how low can you go?

By joy - United States

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38352

You deserved it

4997

Tweet

Share

By Shit - United States - San Francisco

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48531

You deserved it

6717

Tweet

Share

By SoDamnBroke - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12571

You deserved it

936

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 17:00

Yikes

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what was making him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1328

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By hannah12345 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15743

You deserved it

31699

Tweet

Share

By Chessmomma3

Today, my 18-month-old found our "naughty drawer." I found her carrying a "toy" all over the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1317

You deserved it

910

Tweet

Share

By RevolutionLove - United States

Today, at a gynecologist's appointment, I was privileged to have 7 co-ed nursing students stare at my vagina for 25 minutes as part of their training. At one point the doctor apologized for having to "open me up more than usual", but said she wanted everyone to get a good view. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48318

You deserved it

5344

Tweet

Share

By aviators - United States

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

I agree, your life sucks

99191

You deserved it

29744

Tweet

Share

By buttpain

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9523

You deserved it

823

Tweet

Share

By LukeyBoy - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24775

You deserved it

3624

Tweet

Share

By notsosexygirl - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11051

You deserved it

68371

Tweet

Share

By princess

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2877

You deserved it

353

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5056

You deserved it

1309

Tweet

Share

By anon... - United States - Washington

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him, so he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15323

You deserved it

1040

Tweet

Share

By I love my furry babies

Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

667

You deserved it

2443

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48721

You deserved it

32869

Tweet

Share

By justgreat - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48931

You deserved it

3388

Tweet

Share

By firebombtimEFUCKERS - United States

Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23364

You deserved it

1701

Tweet

Share

By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1957

You deserved it

282

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12240

You deserved it

38525

Tweet

Share

By limegreengiraffe - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44362

You deserved it

7260

Tweet

Share

By struckbystarzz - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29408

You deserved it

4062

Tweet

Share

By um

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46422

You deserved it

7967

Tweet

Share

By Betrayed - United States

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30044

You deserved it

2400

Tweet

Share

By RazorBumps - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35431

You deserved it

3446

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27431

You deserved it

3092

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28373

You deserved it

5812

Tweet

Share

By lilzoot - United States

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12466

You deserved it

41878

Tweet

Share

By KiDCuSHi - Canada

Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13030

You deserved it

76301

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33024

You deserved it

2718

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41243

You deserved it

6125

Tweet

Share

By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36167

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By clumsy - United States - Stafford

Today, I slipped and fell on a piece of plastic. I thought nothing of it until I went to the doctor's and found out that I fractured and dislocated my kneecap. I'm now in a full leg brace and crutches. Prom is five days away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5026

You deserved it

469

Tweet

Share

By spoiled22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11826

You deserved it

28120

Tweet

Share

By John - United States

Today, I had my anus probed twice by two different doctors. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids. I'm a 22 year old guy and have to schedule a colonoscopy for next week. I guess there's a first time for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31029

You deserved it

3414

Tweet

Share

By Look's like she's paying all of it now.

Today, I got into a very intense fight with my roommate about rent payment. She got so angry that she snatched my purse, walked out into the hallway and threw it down the garbage chute. Along with my money, my driver's licence, my credit cards and my monthly pay check was in that purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3737

You deserved it

315

Tweet

Share

By PokeTheBear - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50521

You deserved it

5699

Tweet

Share

By alix - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33217

You deserved it

3078

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 02:02 - United States

Seize the means of production

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By clublulu - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12754

You deserved it

76949

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bobsanction | 16

#7875006 - Friday 17 January 2020 20:07

Should have windmilled it to assert dominance.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7875012 - Friday 17 January 2020 20:42

Sounds like a PornHub script.

If you didn't lift this story from there, you ought to produce the video!

COMMENTS

By bobsanction | 16

#7875006 - Friday 17 January 2020 20:07

Should have windmilled it to assert dominance.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7875012 - Friday 17 January 2020 20:42

Sounds like a PornHub script.

If you didn't lift this story from there, you ought to produce the video!

By wwyd4aklondike_bar337 | 10

#7875069 - Saturday 18 January 2020 3:19

I love this girl!!!

By the_catherine | 9

#7875137 - Saturday 18 January 2020 10:36

What sane teenage girl wants to see her brother naked?? I mean, she must’ve known that this would be the outcome...

By magnumpeyote66 | 5

#7875176 - Saturday 18 January 2020 14:52

Obviously your sister has some weird incestuous kink and needs to see a therapist

By pjsr | 32

#7875195 - Saturday 18 January 2020 17:31

Your sister gets the award as “Best Wingman of the Year”. Her friends will remember this as long as you.

By MercyBite91 | 5

#7875266 - Sunday 19 January 2020 3:32

why are we assuming it’s a guy

Reply

Joshawott | 21

#7875311 - Sunday 19 January 2020 10:54

The icon next to OP's username (in this case, "Anonymous"). When people submit stories, they can choose to identify their gender, and this one indicates that the OP identifies as male.

By zaid spade | 12

#7877449 - Monday 27 January 2020 14:28

Yo sister a freak

By Tyler Millner | 2

#7878165 - Wednesday 29 January 2020 20:54

*jazz music stops
*banjo music intensifies

By Marcelb | 17

#7892413 - Thursday 26 March 2020 1:33

Well, maybe her friend told her she was interested in you and "wanted to see more of you". Your sister being the good friend she is of course made it happen.
Or maybe I've just seen too much porn.