16 Super Mario FMLs For National Mario Day!
Ok, fair. Everyone loves Mario, so why wouldn't there be a whole day dedicated to the video game character? Also, this day makes sense. Apparently it falls on March 10th, because when abbreviated, it's Mar.10 ....Eh? eh? Get it?
1. Betcha wouldn't be saying that if he had won, Brenda.
Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML
2. A missed opportunity to play Mario Kart.
Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML
3. Was it worth it? Probably.
Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML
4. Poor dude wasn't even playing.
5. Did you know she was a sore loser when you married her?
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
6. WHO LET THIS CHILD NEAR A TURTLE?
7. "I'm finishing first somwhere, honey."
8. Do you go to school or Military Camp?
9. Your friends and family are either assholes, or aren't paying attention to you at all.
10. Mario Kart has clearly ended a plethora of relationships.
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML
12. I don't blame him. Who still has an N64?!
Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML
13. I tried to do the Pocahontas waterfall jump into the tub once. I was 5 though.
Today, I discovered that if you slip on ice, imitating Mario from Super Mario Bros when he attempts to stop himself slipping, won't work in real life. I now have a broken nose, as well as a blood trail running from my driveway into my kitchen. FML
14. Break up with him immediately and call the police.
15. Well, this is unfortunate.
Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML