14 Fortune Cookie Messages That Were Definitely Not What People Were Expecting

Getting the fortune cookie at the end of your Chinese takeout meal is arguably the best part of the entire meal. Is it that bland, cardboard-ish taste that people look forward to most? Hardly. We all know what it’s about. We didn’t come here for the szechwan chicken or the egg rolls (though, to be fair, they are a delicious bonus.) No, we're here for the fortune inside the cookie. And if that cookie has a hilariously ironic, terrifying, or funny FML message? It’s all the better. Here are 14 of the best fortune cookie messages we could find.

1. Well. That was ominous. 

2. That's kinda fucked up, fortune cookie.

3. Fortune cookies: The ultimate backhanded complimenters. 


5. Not yours, doe.

6. Is that a threat? 

7. That's what you get for skimping out on the egg rolls.

8. Free All Fortunes 2018!

9. This fortune cookie is pretty apathetic about your future.


10. And that's  the truth about why you can't sit with us at lunch anymore.

11. Really hope this one wasn't from a few days ago.

12. You selfish bastard.

13. His wife's fortune vs. his fortune... yikes.

14. You've got to be kidding.

By Nadine / Friday 16 February 2018 14:06 /
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By  bpickett18  |  16

Twice I have gotten "Someone is hiding his affection for you." I'm a guy. I thought fortune cookies were supposed to be gender nuetral. Or maybe I'm just attractive to gay men.

By  travelingrae  |  9

I got one in Bulgaria that I'm still puzzling over. http://www.raecrothers.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/IMGP5450.jpg

(rough translation here: http://www.raecrothers.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/IMGP5452.jpg)